I am growing sick-
Disgusted by the glamour of greed.
Money makes me miserable,
As watch the world weep without awareness.
I feel your eyes isolated on I,
Time to teach the truths forgotten.
Now knowing no one knows this knowledge,
Life's lessons lead me to love.
Sewage lines still sleep submerged,
Below the biggest homes we know...
Happiness has no wishes for these riches,
Helping two hearts hold one soul.
A kiss of care keeps me comfort,
Making my meaning emerge...
Shackled in a cement stare,
A bright smile of beauty blossoms.
Dare I dream you devour this knowledge?
Can I care if I keep your care?
Seek a paycheck if you shall,
I will live for love.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I really like the message here. You have several lines that take my breath away.
My absolute favorites are " Sewage lines still sleep submerged / Below the biggest homes we know..." and "Shackled in a cement stare / A bright smile of beauty blossoms."
What loveliness abounds here!
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Great message here, Money and riches are a fools ideal, Where as love and happiness are the true treasures.Makes me think just how currupt this world is today, and in recent times, everyones always bickering over how much money they have and they dont ahve enough. where as i have a few dollars to my name, and a good family, and im perfictly fine with it.
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This is good, but in parts your punccuation was a little confusing and maybe even took away from your poems meaning. I also think your content is there you just need to devolp it even further, make it flow in some areas where it feels a little pushed or sounds like your ramabling. I little wokr here could go a long way.
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Well put - a tribute to those free from the clutches of avarice and greed. Happy trails neighbor
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nice
well done but two hearts one soul bugs me. can't you make it one dream or one vision or one ideal?
also eyes isolated on I sounds weird. why not ego instead of I?
also "a kiss keeps me comfort"? eithher "gives me comfort" or "keeps me comfortable" I would put
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im a huge huge fan of alliteration.
this piece flows very well, and is unbroken.
bravo.
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This was nice. I love alliteration, so this was good - I really liked the Sewage lines still sleep submerged - that line was great on its own, and then really hit home when you read the next line!
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Very very good
I am really impressed. I wonder how one so young is so full of wisdom. It is comforting to know there are like-minded people sharing this place. -
I LOVED the last line! It really completed the poem. Fantabulous job.
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Hm...interesting. Does love always win over money? These days the answer is no. What you have here is an unusual view of a prevalent situation. It's well written and I wish more people shared your opinion.
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I really liked the first four lines. It makes me think of how I feel in life. Like, recently I felt like it doesn't matter how much money I earn from working, as long as this world is not at peace and there is hunger and war and greed in the world, I will feel miserable. Thanks for sharing this powerful write. Keep writing.
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