Remember where we met—
I found you sitting
by our bay window looking out
on the low, dry-brown hills,
as if you had been waiting
for me for years. I can see
like a fresh photo in my head
the two paired beds
freshman English on the shelves
your bean bag chair
from where you counseled me,
made me laugh, or feel, or think,
beneath posters of Winnie-the-Pooh
and Styx, or was it Skynyrd?
Your ski jacket,
sky blue and blonde as you,
frequently dropped into a chair
along with my wool sweater
as if they were lifelong friends,
so well suited to each other.
One night, the room spun mad
around us after too many
rum-soaked words that stung
our throats, burning the wrong way down.
But instead of passing out angry, you lay
beside me a quiet quarter hour—
a quarter century lay ahead of us
where my life would always be in yours,
and somehow you knew this.
Craving an occasional visit
with your treasured voice
your tender gestures,
I want to count the stairs to our door
turn the knob and push open
the slowest of slow motion
sit cross-legged on your bed
dream out our window
and feed our long history
to our hungry years.
Author notes
She was, and is still, the sister I never had. But the poem is still a work in progress.
Please tell me what you think--- be brutally honest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This was so very heartfelt and brought me such mixed emotions.
Liked these lines:
"I want to count the stairs to our door
turn the knob and push open
the slowest of slow motion
sit cross-legged on your bed
dream out our window
and feed our long history
to our hungry years."
Very sweet and tender write. Thanks for sharing!
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Oh! how sweet!
A sister made or a sister born. Still sisters of the heart.
Great read!
Regards,
Jennifer
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Beautiful
I love the descriptions in this one... But I really would have liked it if it was broken up into smaller chunks, to make for it easier on the eyes... If you know what I mean...
But, either way... Wonderful poem... the descriptions are great...
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you're joking...
this is not based on reality? I was already overwhelmed with its wistful beauty and imagery. I am in shock that this is the sis you never had. I can't offer you any criticism..only accolades. Bravo!!!
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Aww, I like this a lot!! it beautiful. Some poetry written in the way that you've wrote this, tends to sometimes sound un-poetic, or un-flowy, but this is not that by any means, it great! I love it!
. Rewarded 4
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One night, the room spun mad
around us after too many
rum-soaked words that stung
our throats, burning the wrong way down
this is so good and so full of emotion its just so amazing. thr fact that you you still remain friends is awsome and i so wish i had that
you disirve the contest win this is so deep and flows so good great job
. Rewarded 6
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Very Well Done
I can tell you put a lot of thought and emotion behind your words. This makes this poem a joy to read. I love the imagery of the jackets in the chair. Deep feelings are imprinted in this poem and stamped onto the reader. I've never lived in a dorm before and reading this makes me feel like I have a memory of one. After reading it three times, the only trifle I have is with that you say "burning the wrong way down." The change from past to present tense in this line made me pause and double check as I was reading -- which kind of interrupted me. Besides that, bravo! I look forward to reading more of your work. -
ohhhhh....wow....
uhhhh...I'm stunned...
I feel like I just drove through a fast food drive through and ordered a small baked potato (vegetarian thang!) and the lady handed me a bag filled with
GOLD...
and I'm just sitting in my car staring into the bag...
not moving or speaking...
did you just come up with this "snippet" instantly?
OMG!
this is very well done!
you have great ability to pen these moments into epic meaning! as though you reached into time...snatched a single moment from thin air...and bent it to your will with the strength of your pen...
YOU MUST ENTER THIS JEWEL AS A PREWRITE INTO A "SNIPPET" CONTEST!
and the amazing thing is...you have SO MANY great lines woven into this beautiful blanket...stellar...
imagery is excellent!
But the ending...the ending has left me tearful and grateful...
that I asked you for a new write today! LOL
This is a wonderful write lady...I would LOVE to witness new writes from you daily...
but, alas, I know we all work for a living...but your Muse is begging you to sling more ink...
as am I!
Wow...thank you for penning this beautiful write...I feel honored to know you!
Blessings! Tammy
errr....about the Gold filled bag...I was really hungry and decided to return the gold...and ask for my potato instead...feed my soul and the starving artist in me with one stone?
but I shall hold your golden words in my heart forever!
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Thanks Tammy, as always my starving ego feels much better after hearing from you. This was not an instant write, it took awhile to bake it, but I had it on hand today. I'm juggling a few poems right now, I'll send you a link to another one that needs a critical review, a little later on. I'm not as prolific as you, need to pick one or two poems to death before moving on to another one. Can I return the favor? Send me a link, I'll see what I can do.
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Dear Lady,
I wish my Muse would take the time to pick a poem to death...she is completely bored before the ink is dry...spell check is a true annoyance to her...the act of creating is her joy...then...the magic is gone!
I would be far more blessed by a new write from you than a visit to my humble words...
please take the time to write...and NOT read my dribble! LOL
I would be delighted to find another write by you...
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