Zigging and Zagging
between the grave stones;
he couldn't have her in life,
so he enslaved her in death.
She bends to his every whim.
Now in the full moon's light,
they dance in the graveyard;
a dead guy and his corpse bride.
A contest entry
- Candles, Wine, and Curses by Aiyoris Maryian.
800 points, ended October 29, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - what's the point of digging countless graves, when there's no one left to fill this countless graves? by Aroarathebloody.
1000 points, ended November 10, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
eh
misfits' love -
WOW
Zigging and Zagging
between the grave stones;
he couldn't have her in life,
so he enslaved her in death.
She bends to his every whim.
Now in the full moon's light,
they dance in the graveyard;
a dead guy and his corpse bride.
You're punctuation and spelling need some serious work. Punctuation is your friend in poetry. This tells the reader how the writer intended it to be. And spelling helps because then the reader knows what you're saying.
Having said that, the general theme is executed clearly. Although in a very plain manner. It's a good start. Just never close your mind to improvement. -
Short, sweet and to the point! I like it! I saw the # of lines and was like, "What? Are you serious?" But I was wrong. Good job!
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