Clearing my mind and breathing deep
Doesn't aid me in the attempt to sleep;
In dreams I still can conjure your face,
Believing in my heart I'm in some place
Where your warm arms lock around me still
And my entire being follows only your will;
Why can I not cease these musings of you?
None have that perpetual effect as you do...
Swimming in my senses, a masculine smell
Reminiscent of you, my only true parallel,
Distracts me; I wish I could just hide
My lingering feelings and lock them inside
You're far away now, and I know not where
But in the nether regions, I feel you there
The heat permeating me in crashing waves
Only my fallow being constantly craves
That whimsical dream of raptured light
Ended in heartbreak on one fateful night
Your dismissal brought such severe pain,
Lucky I recovered without going insane
Yet for all the devastation you left behind
Pieces of our love remain etched in my mind
How long will I have to suffer like I do,
Always haunted by the very presence of you?
Author notes
the day he departed ripped my heart into shreds. his memory still floods my mind...constantly...
Written October 14th, 2003
In a list
- Anguished Shards • next in list
- The Ice Queen's Dreams • next in list
- For Recognition's Sake • next in list
A contest entry
- This is your opportunity to write about your life by only1love4ever.
758 points, ended November 27, 2007, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 48 of 48
-
Touching
Every word brought to me a new meaning, a desperate feeling that made me want to read more. This is an excellent poem, how the truth falls peice by peice in line, and the emotions gush out and reveal your truth. I love this poem. Thank you for entering and best of luck to you!! -
Excellent R&R plus emotion that really hits home.
Great writing
Very well done and thanks for entering
Good luck
Raker -
I can't help but love this. It's hard to find a piece that holds rhyme that doesn't sound forced, and this is one of the rare ones! I love the emotion, I can feel it. Partly because it's so well wrote and partly because I feel this same way. I wanted to cry for you and for me while reading this... So thanks for making me feel your words.
-
Raven, your ability as a poet always stands out when I read any of your work... this piece you have produced here is no different; you have used all the combinations that make an excellent piece of writing. Your rhyming is spot on and your word choice never disappoints me, you have a great ability to pick words from the air and place them on parchment to their best advantage.
Well Done!
~Katie~
-
I decided to comment on this one because i haven't been sleeping well at night.And last night i was thinking of how haunted my life would be without my love. You read Watchtower and you know how i feel. When you feel, see, hear, smell someone in everything around then how do you exorcise them when they are physically gone but emotionally haunting you? I think my rock CD would be the first to be abandoned...to many connections too many memories. Ironic since they soothe me the most.
This poem is full of emotions and though i haven't been through that, i can certainly relate. my idle mind is most definitely the devil's workshop.
~lilith~ -
A+!
This is SUCH a great poem! You have such a huge vocabulary, and you always showcas that in your work. This is an icredible poem, as are most of your pieces. You are probably one of the top thre or four poets I have read here on AP. I am truly glad that I stumbled across you. Great work!!!
~T.Z.
-
I enjoyed this poem. It describes and puts a detailed image into my head on how you are feeling. I especially liked the line "The heat permeating me in crashing waves
Only my fallow being constantly craves"...I enjoy it when poets use nature to convey emotion. Very well written piece! -
Sadl but Sweet
A heart that's ripped to shreds and can write so beautifully in a time of pain and heartbreak is amazing. This poem of yours glides across the screen like a sad love song. Just imagine a poem so beautiful and so flowing could stem from a broken heart. This is really one for the bookmark. I enjoyed it completely and will cherish it for a long time to come.
All my love,
Avril (Big Sister)
-
I fell for you. I have not had this pain yet, and never want to either, you are a kind, and compassionate and loving souls and deserve to love and be loved within the realms of heaven on earth! I hope you find a way to fill he void left, and retain but a solitary beautiful scar instead of bleeding wound! Though a sad write you have made your expression of pain and sorrow into something beautiful and touching to behold. Wonderful and very well written....
~genialssie~
-
This is a wonderfully written poem full of strong emotions. I hope writing helps you to ease some of your feelings or at least in time they will. It is good to get them out of our system.
-
I am, again, in awe of your abilities to evoke feeling from me with your writing skill...and so young to boot!. Well enough praise for the moment, i'm sure you have enough fans. i will now go hide in my journal a write about how i wish i were you...with your talents...(sniff) ~richard...'
sniff -
AWESOME!!!!!!!!
This is a great piece... emotions well expressed....
Emotions I know all to well!!!!!
This is very well written
Great job
Best Wishes
~Tracey~
-
wow........im very impressed! the emotion coupled with the rythum and expression in this poem amounts to a memorable piece. it is beautiful, really beautiful. i love the lines:
"The heat permeating me in crashing waves
Only my fallow being constantly craves"
- i just think that they (in particular) are really moving. ive never felt that way before, you have obviously experienced the joy of true love, and then experienced the suffering of true loss. you have real talent, take care xxxx -
incredible
that was so beautiful. such flow, so smooth. i have never been called a poet, and am reluctant to claim that title. someone as talented as you telling me so, is such a great compliment, thank you so much. this is instantly one of my favorite poems, and i am very much looking forward to reading more of them. i feel the same way when i read this as i do when i read my own, it seems that easy to relate to them. thank you for referring me to it.
Dustin
Edited on Nov 06, 2:46 p.m. because ''. -
Beautiful. I loved this. That's all I have to say.
-Carina- -
It seems you can not sleep because he left you!
And it is very difficult to be congruent, and try to forget about those special moments you past him, even if he (she) was no good to you, one get used to people, and is very difficult to let go, even pain make us talk very bad of these special people who hunted us bye the effect they put in our lives
wonderful poem,
Am all wonder woman I can be
Sincerely your friend from Mexico
Cynthia
-
"Why can I not cease these musings of you?
None have that perpetual effect as you do..."
Woo! This is sweet...And I unfortunately know how that feels...Although it's because I have a psychotic ex-boyfriend...Again...Great job! Keep it up and all that jazz--
!~YS4e~!
Scarlett -
Well...I think everyone elses comments and critiques covered pretty much all that I felt when I read this...but still felt compeled to add my bit... it is fantastic, I know what you're feeling and can really relate, and the way you put it all into writing is simply incredible...when I think and feel this way about the person who left me in a similar situation everything in my being just shuts down and I can't seem to write about it~ I applaud you for being able to!~~ you did an amazing job with this peice...thank you for sharing it
-
Wow this poem...is truly emotional....every emotion feeling and sensation...you are pulled into...to feel as you are consumed by it...excellent write...like I said very emotional and utterly deep!!...I love it...Reminds me of a dream that you must finish to get out of...maybe thats just me...But an excellent poem!!....
~Jessica~ -
oh wow thats good...i haven't commented on this yet?i thought i did...regardless, this is such a good write! so deep and emotional, i can feel how you felt when he caused you heartbreak, thats how great your words were...awesome piece! lovely flow to it, don't all your writes have great flow?i agree with kiddo, it created this cool beat like it was a song...like an evanscense song lol VERY DEEP and GREAT PIECE! love it!(as usual!!)
alwayz,
*~RiRi~* -
awww, but we've all felt like this before Raven, and things will get better, i promise! but it seems to me that you are handling the situation very well! :-)
anyways, on to a happier note, you have again amazed me! somehow this poem had a unique flow to it, like..when i was reading it, my brain started creating a beat like this poem was a song. it was pretty cool!!
wonderful job Raven and i hope things are better for you!!
with love,
*kiddo* -
awww, but we've all felt like this before Raven, and things will get better, i promise! but it seems to me that you are handling the situation very well! :-)
anyways, on to a happier note, you have again amazed me! somehow this poem had a unique flow to it, like..when i was reading it, my brain started creating a beat like this poem was a song. it was pretty cool!!
wonderful job Raven and i hope things are better for you!!
with love,
*kiddo* -
Wonderful
OMG I know how this feels I have experinced something like this Im not going to explain it but Let me tell you it brought tears to my eyes and I dont think you ever get over the touch of a love like that and Thank you so much for your comments on SHE
It means so much to me
Fairiefolk(Karmen)
-
Don\'t give up on Love
Woah
You write such deep poems about love, your works truly amaze me. I wish you all the best & I hope that (if you don't have one already)finda guy so very soon. Everyone deserves to have love & to feel in love & you are a beautiful person, i can tell just by the way you write. Keep writing your wonderful poetry & don't give up on Love there is someone special out there for you 
I promise ---Sara
-
*sobs* You rhyme so well...(I have a "rhyme complex" or whatever you want to call it...I can never stick to a rhyme scheme)
Favorite lines:
"That whimsical dream of raptured light"
"Lucky I recovered without going insane
Yet for all the devastation you left behind
Pieces of our love remain etched in my mind
How long will I have to suffer like I do,
Always haunted by the very presence of you?"
These have wonderful imagery and I feel a real connection w/ the emotions expressed here...Hating that the person broke your heart, but unable to simply cut off the feelings of love you held for them. Beautiful poem. Love, Jen. -
i feel ya
yeah...i'm gonna start crying any minute now! that was an awesome poem. love is such a great thing...thendoes a total 180 and ruins your life... i'm gonna go get some tissues to dry my tears now! -
oh man....i really can relate to this poem...alway
s being haunted by the person whom broke your heart....thi s is a really good write, i love it.
love, miz-invisible -
A true sense of haunting surrounds this poem. Scents, blurred images, sounds all coming back to remind. When actually your senses are nothing more than a reminder that he is still in your memory but not in your presence.
A very sad but well well written poem.
John -
To be trite, this is amazing work. I loved the wording here. And the rhyme sped it up, which was kinda cool, though maybe misplaced for such a sad poem. I assume your ex is now a drug addict, because he'd have to be smoking something to have left you. Much respect for you, I pray that you'll find happiness soon.
-
Raven~Little
sis
Oh sweetie, you're gonna make me cry tonight
You wrote this sooooooo beautifully from your loving heart
I really need to take rhyming lessons from you, your the best
Karen
-
Okay, I will tell you what to do... you get a copy of the song I'll Kill You if You Don't Come Back by Meat Loaf, and you sing along with it about nine thousand times, and by then, you will have sung out all the pain, and hopefuly you will be ready to fall in love again.
Actually, I completely understand this haunting pain. I hope you can hold on to the best, forget the rest, and look back on it as a good experience some day. -
Aww so sweet and personal. I hope that someone soons fills that ahh place and erases, norather covers all those memories with new and wonderous new ones. A man that will for ever love just the tiniest touch of your hand and warmed by your briefest smile. A true love that you will love with all your heart.
I loved this heart felt poem. -
Great!
Woooooow...this was sooooo amazing and beautiful, you have such a discriptive and amazing style...Wow. ..I love this, you should get your poems published!
~Rhea~ -
second verse last line "my my?
You see how dat happens? When they don't let loose of your mind, or your heart. Even though you think you want them too? -
excellent
Wow, you are a great rhymer of words I didnt know before!! wow, kool Raven, loved this poem too much, just too away my heart on the stanza:
"That whimsical dream of raptured light
Ended in heartbreak on one fateful night
Your dismissal brought such severe pain,
Lucky I recovered without going insane"
You are a great writer! love your work... I really was touched by heart to read your comment and know that you are gonna print my poems and send it to your soul mate! wow! did you like it that much? thank you for passing by with all those lovely comments on my poem!
Love,
Sehrish~
-
-
wow... i really like it. its really deep. i can just feel the passion and the pain, awesome. nice write. keep it up.
phoenix -
I\'m back... to read chilling work!!!
This poem gave me chills all over. This is another phenominal write. Achining in a quiet, reflective way that I adore. I especially admire anyone who can write so well in rhyme as I find it tres difficult to pull off... but you make it seem so effortless, even though it's so sophisticated!
The opening lines are especially powerful. Everyone has had at least one night where the very thought of another plagues them so they can't switch off and sleep. It sucks your audience in because it will trigger off their memories of someone they know...
The line... That whimsical dream of raptured light
Is truly beautiful. How perfectly put. The whimsical dream... romantic, soft, elegant, tender... and yet only a vision in your hopeful imagination.*Sigh*. You've chosen your words so carefully, and it makes a has a really intense impact as a result. 'devestation , musings' they all weave an overall tapestry of feelings and layers of perceptions. I am so sorry that this person cut you so deeply. It seems so unfair when bad things happen to good people. I hope, however, that you can release any regret or pain you have in more of this aching and 'haunting' work.
I pray that the healing light of love and understanding enfolds your soul my friend.
P.S sorry I've been away for a while, but please remember that if you ever want someone to talk with, i'm right here (i think you have my email right?) Much peace and love to you!
-
Awww *hugs Raven* I know how ya feel. Love the poem but do people a favour and change the colour, its bright and hard to read. Ehehehehe...
But doesn't make it any less pretty. You actually got a tear falling down my cheek. I think I'm going to leave it there for now. -
This is really sad Raven, you did well in painting emotions, loved your rhymes, thank you for leaving the comment on my poem, yes I agree that Sehrish is a great poetess, and she is my most favourite around here, I'm glad you enjoyed our collabaratio
n.
Wonderful poem.
Blessed Be,
- Sylvester -
I hear your voice
crying in the wind.....
yet in the silence
you yearn to love!
I did enjoy!
Keep penning on!
Bill -
I can relate to this so much...alway
s being haunted by that someone..fee ling his arms constantly around your waist. In some ways you can even feel the warmth of his hug, but others you feel the pain in your heart because some piece of you is missing very sad..but yet thoughtful write May these hauntings leave you mind and give you peace and joy
~BrightenedMoon -
ohhh hun, I KNOW these feelings very very well A truly exceptional piece here, great flow and just outstanding penmanship
-
awwwwwww...t
hat is so sad...i'm sorry raven, i really hope you feel better, and remember i'm always here to talk...
back to the poem, WOW just wow, ::tear:: so emotionally packed its overwhelming, i love it! this is one of my most favorites by you(i have many fav. by you 
), i can feel your heartbreak through this...its amazing...i wish you the best of luck, don't worry you're strong, you'll make it hun!
i loved this part, made me cry:
Yet for all the devastation you left behind
Pieces of our love remain etched in my mind
How long will I have to suffer like I do,
Always haunted by the very presence of you?
WOW! this is completely awesome!! love it!!
keep on chicka you rock!
*~RiRi~*
-
"That whimsical dream of raptured light
Ended in heartbreak on one fateful night
Your dismissal brought such severe pain,
Lucky I recovered without going insane
Yet for all the devastation you left behind
Pieces of our love remain etched in my mind"
Wow, what a heartfelt, painful peice. This is great, awesome rhymin as well here. I can really relate to this! Great work, heartbreak sucks!
~*~blessings~*~
~rora -
I was engaged for 2 years, I know only too well these feelings. Haunted by memories of happy times and nightmares of the bad.
-
hmmmm..... good job. well written. angst. thank you.
-
"Always haunted by the very presence of you"
Such powerful words and none more true.
What I felt when my first husband chose to leave my son and I, was worse than anything I could have ever imagined. It was like he had died, only worse. I would have rather him die loving me then live not wanting me...selfish...but that is how painful it was.
You express your emotions so vividly. I can feel your emptiness as well.
This is very well written.
Great work
Sam
Adding your comment:
1 - 48 of 48
11 old applause
