I gazed at him from across the room.He had me trapped in his eyes.He motioned for me to go to him,it felt like i was floating instead of walking.We left the party and went to his place.There wasn't anybody else around for miles and miles.The sweet words he sadi to me made me want him more.His eyes were like something out of thi world,like ther wasn't a soul there at all.He started teasing me by rubbing my nipples through my dress and running his hand from my neck to my pussy,never moving his gaze.
He was getting me very wet.I wanted him,I needed him.
He unzipped my tight little dress exposing my naked body.He took one of his fingernails and gently cut from my neck to my belly button.I cried out in pain but also in pleasure.I instantly started bleeding but he quickly used his tongue to clean it up.He finally brought me into his room where i was handcuffed to the bed and feet also tied down.He started kissing me,biting my lip so it would bleed.He started to go lower,teasing my nipples and used his tongue all over my body.
It drove me crazy!!
He went down further,to my pussy .He was driving me insane with the movements he made.He then started to finger me at the same time.I was on the verge of release when he stopped.He got up,undressed and proceeded to enter into me.
At first he was gentle but soon he got very rough,plunging into me so fast i barely had time to breathe.He told me to close my eyes,i did so.He started biting my neck,I screamed out in pain but it soon became pleasurable.I could feel trickles of blood running down my neck.He still kept thrusting very hard and oh so deep.He kept sucking on my neck,although i told him i was about to cum.He proceeded to keep thrusting and going faster,making my juices run all over my leg and sheets.I was becoming weak at this point but didn't think anything of it.He asked if I liked my last night.I replied yes and then there was complete darkness for this was an immortals fun that he had with me.
Author notes
something new,hope you like it.
option 5
A contest entry
- Make Me Squirm (15+) by Zerstort.
390 points, ended November 10, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - OPTIONS (16+) - PW's are fine by Page Deleted..
600 points, ended November 17, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sex Or Love?? by Miss Kristy.
360 points, ended November 27, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pulsing Stimulation by adsaige.
300 points, ended November 24, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Poetry by leslielovesthomas.
300 points, ended November 10, 2007, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [tighten the handcuffs]&{ z o o m } by PaiigeBARBIE.
460 points, ended November 18, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CONTEST: Pre-writes I Have Missed by Edna Sweetlove.
360 points, ended January 11, 2008, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1709 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Well it is nice to find a funny erotic poem. Every time I see the word "pussy" used with a straight face, I wet myself.
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this was very good bby.
amazing imagery!!!
i could see it....
thank you for entering.
♥good luck! -
Nicely penned
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Sorry this falls into the category of hurting others in erotic, Unfortunatly under the rules this is not welcomed. To each 'is own but not for me thank you.
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Holy shit! This is GREAT!
So much imagery and emotion. Wow!
Absolutely fabulous write!!!
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Leslie
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Judged
Okay, okay. This was a very good write, but I feel the need to ask you to edit it a bit. This is my personal opinion, BUT lines like " cried out in pain but also in pleasure.I instantly started bleeding but he quickly used his tongue to clean it up." and "He was driving me insane the way he was using his tongue."--you already stated he was using his tongue
Frankly, I like the appeal, something new as you said, but maybe a little editing can make me like it more. Edit it and we'll talk about finalist list.
good luck in the contest! -
awesome!
It was an awesome write, but I have to agree with DJ. There were spelling errors. Other then that it is a beautiful discription of a wonderful story.
Good luck!!
x x x
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Wow that was very wow wonderful. Though *thinks* I would have made it a woman but that's me. Though that was very nicely done. That was awesome! Nicely done. I loved it. Keep it up. Thanks for the read.
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Unique take on erotica! A little vampire love! Very interesting. Also, I always appreciate honest opinions on my work, and in return, I give honest opinions when I comment. So here goes...
Technical: Although this is unique, parts seem a bit cliche', redundant, and forced... almost like you were bored by the time you got to that point. More like a sports anouncer doing a play-by-play or like you were writing a police report (lol)instead of writing poetry.
Examples:
"He was getting me very wet." (cliche')
"He went down further,to my pussy and used his tongue wonderfully.He was driving me insane the way he was using his tongue.He then started to finger me at the same time.I was on the verge of release when he stopped.He got up,undressed and proceeded to enter into me." (police report play-by-play... lol & redundant use of word tongue)
"I cried out in pain but also in pleasure."
"I screamed out in pain but it soon became pleasurable." (redundant with above)
There are also some typo/spelling/grammatical errors... I will just point out a few:
1. sweet words he sadi to me------> said
2. out of thi world------> this
3. like ther wasn't a soul------> there
4. handcuffed to the bed and feet also tied down.
-----> suggestion: handcuffed to the bed. My feet were also tied down.
5. And no offense, but there should be a space between the punctuation and the following sentence.
I know I seem a bit critical, but like I said, I prefer honesty than sugarcoating, and appreciate the same from the people who comment on my poetry.
Anyways, great, unique write nonetheless. Kudos.
~*DJ*~ -
Hehehe... Very exciting read Razors! It spoke volumns to me, and had a nice touch of Vampire love in it.
Good Luck in the contest.
All the best,
~T.S~
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There you go....
You had me going there...
Good luck.
Aden Recreated -
Yea this DEFINITELY goes for the contest that you have entered. I had to take a couple of deep breaths after reading this one, ya know to calm myself down. Hehe...
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hehe nice... although it was more in the form of a short story than a poem... make sure you put the option in your AN!
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i got wet reading this. it was fantastic!! i hope you do well in the contest. good luck and hope to see more of your stuff in the future.
~Nana Nicole
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brilliantly written, i loved it, well done and good luck! x
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Nothing like Halloween!
To bring out the best in all of us, hehe! Ah, prey to the beast, but you enjoyed it.
You put some wonderful imagery in this one, I virtually could see him biting and slicing you up. Very sexual, and very sensual at the same time, I loved it!
Happy Halloween, and I hope you do well in the contest.
Smiling, Brazos
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Errors
"dressexposing"--dress, exposing or dress exposing
"me lip"--my lips,
"but soon e"--but soon he,
"meso"--me so,
"time to breath"--time to breathe,
"He still went further, to my pussy"-- He went further still, towards my pussy
There're a lot of mistakes in here. Please correct and I will come back to read again. (Copy/paste into your word processor, all errors should appear.
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
