bookstore awning...
even these raindrops
are secondhand
Author notes
I'm not sure about the flow of L3--something about the verb "to be" in haiku, I just prefer avoiding it. If anyone has any advice, I'd love hearing it! :-)
A contest entry
- Rainy Day Haiku by azure85.
600 points, ended November 10, 2007, 51 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Opinions?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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wownderfully ironic
bookstore awning...
even these raindrops
are secondhand
i enjoyed reading this haiku very much. the images are vivid and there is intellectual and emotional content under the images.
the structure and craft here is perfect, with its fragment and phrase, and the choice of punctuation is evocative of raindrops as well, which i really love.
congratulations on your gold.
have you submitted this one anywhere? it seems to be very publishable to me.
excellent work,
myron.
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Delightful write! Lovely imagery! I also like micol's suggestion. Congrats on gold!
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Congratulations on the gold!
I like micol's sugestion. -
love it
congrats on the gold
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I like the image...urban haiku.
A suggestion: would "fall secondhand" work in line 3? Eliminate 'are' (which does weaken the poem) and emphasize the left-over sense implied in secondhand.
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This is great, what a unique perspective on the rain, one of my favourites from this contest, I hope to see this on the podium
Karen
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bookstore awning...
even these raindrops
are secondhand
This is a really cool rainy day haiku. I know what you mean about that verb usage-
I like begalibelle's suggestion....
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very vivid image of watching the rain from under a second-hand bookshop's awning...tinged with a little sadness...beautiful!
If you feel uncomfortable with L3, then how about
bookstore awning...
even these raindrops are
second-hand
does that make it sound any better?
All the best!
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I enjoyed it. Gives great imagery. Good luck in the Rain Haiku Contest!
Ted E
PS: Calling ALL Rain Lovers: a group has been started for you:
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/I%20Truly%20Love%20The%20Rain
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