The selfless designs of a tired young man,
one night, fell apart in a craze.
A jungle’s hot sun had been baking him tan,
while drilling for water for days.
Arisen from sleep by the strong rhythmic pound,
of Reggae, nearby at a club,
he followed the beat of its deep sultry sound,
to scents of smoked African shrub.
Strobotic balls spun from the top of the room,
while bare-breasted babes of the bush
poured gin into him as he smelled their perfume,
and slid his right hand down one’s tush.
Affected, she danced with his hand in her skirt
and nibbled the lobe of his ear.
Lips touched as she gently unbuttoned his shirt,
while nodding to friends standing near.
Half-naked, now four, in a prance of l’amour,
they were asked by the matron to go.
He gave her some cash as they slid out the door,
their arms full of flesh and Bordeaux.
From wistful caresses of moistening lace,
conveyed in a cab to the sea,
they stripped by the ruby-red moon of that place,
then waded the waters of glee.
Delighting each one in so carnal a way
with touches too coy, but direct,
the women came out from their waters to lay,
provoking his standing erect.
They poured out their wine in the thirst of his eyes,
to cups made of bare backs and sides.
He pumped with a flood to be wrapped in their thighs,
submitting to womenly rides.
He licked up their honey-dripped petals of flesh
while planting his creaming thick stem,
as all of their limbs intertwined in a mesh,
fullfilling each one of them.
The swoons of their groaning subsided to touch,
caressing each other to sleep.
And then an alarm clock atop the man’s hutch
went off with its usual beep.
He woke to discover the ardent appeal
that he’d left in that whimsical life
had roused in his loins a good passion that’s real ...
his need to make love to his wife!
Author notes
By Sultan
I definitely need some strong eye glasses! The first 20 times I looked at the picture prompt for this poem I saw at least three people. Then, when I look today … I only see the two. I tried to reflect that experience in my piece.
Regarding the form I used for this piece: according to my new AP friend and English professor, Dr. Michael R. Collings (AP’s 'micol') ... “It's a variant on the old ballad stanza. Tetrameter and trimeter lines … alternating, with stanza rhyme scheme ABAB. The only real difference is that the ballad stanza in general used iambics (8- and 6-syllable lines). Since you are using anapests, there will be more syllables per line, up to 12 and 9.” ... I'm still not sure of what an ‘anapest’is.
A contest entry
- The Dark and Twisted Desires by Darkend.
450 points, ended December 10, 2007, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEN THOUSAND POINTS OF RHYME (Now 20,000+) Part 6 Sensual by cricketjeff.
1250 points, ended January 8, 2008, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write down your most exciting dream, in the form of a poem.POINTS WILL DOUBLE IF I GET ENOUGH ENTRIES, SO GET YOUR FRIENDS TO ENTER.pw pw pw by echo-ink.
1200 points, ended September 1, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 54 of 54
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oooh this was so brilliant a poem, enjoyed it, felt moved (uhhuh) by it
thank you for entering
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HA!
This was astounding. I loved the end...Lucky wife.
Great rhyme, meter and flow. Awesome story line.
Al around fantastic. Thanks so much for entering this. PL
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Once again the judges have got it right with their selection This is a worthy winner of the gold award An excellent write and a wonderful read Congratulations
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Brilliant and superbly done in subject and style. Well done for winning.
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I feel that I must add my congratulations to Jeffs. A worthy winner, and boy! were you sensual. You matched our criteria perfectly.
Well done...Sue
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Thank-you to all our prizewinners. A very good standard at the top of this contest, we are seeing many of the same names at the top of each round, it shows you are well rounded and versatile rhyming poets. Over half way now just 3 more rounds where you can enter pre-writes then the grand finale. Get your rhyming and scanning skills honed for writing us the best new rhyming poem since Methusalah was a twinkle in his mother's eye.
Thanks again for entering
Jeff and Sue
PS someone else can host a series next so we can show you how it SHOULD be done! -
A beautifully sensuous poem, with near perfect rhyme and meter and polished of with a nice twist. One of your very best and great to see you in so many rounds, please keep them coming!
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Very good write. It was tasteful and seductive. I really enjoyed the endng. You are a master of words. The quality and flow was superb.
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This be Art
Artistic, seductive, coy and yet blunt. A transcendant piece that I am very happy to have read. Good luck in the contest.
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Rivoted to my seat
This poem is simply superb: exctiting and lyrical. I loved soaking up every line and I still wanted more. It was full of passion and wonderful words. Truly a work of art. Best of luck. -
Very rivoting and very tastfully written.You put us in the room.You could picture every line of expression.keep on writing don't ever quit.
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Oh my gosh what a delightful read!
The imagery was very...entertaining LOL.
The erotic content was written with class and very well described.
Like usual great rhyme and rythm!
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LOL, very well done, great flow and meter here, and a very cute story indeed. I'm betting the wife did not complain!!!
Scott
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okay, i was fanning myself throughout your poem, unil i got to the end. it was cute and made me laugh. bravo!!!
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From a dream state to the reality that something must be done about this state of arousal - this poem certainly is a teasing but of poetry. Very sensual and yet tasteful - easy to read and understand as well. Nice rhythm, rhyme and flow to these lines. LOL
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lots of imagery here. easy to feel you through each scene. most of it is well put together. there are a couple of the stanzas where the rhyme seems a bit forced and awkward to me. nonetheless an entertainin read...and a good endin for his wife. very cool
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Thought provoking
I liked this peice(no pun intended) because it shows how love can be kept alive with imagination and effort. Very nicely done and nice twist at the end. There should be more of this type of writing in the erotica arena. Great job, Rhon.
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I'm sure this is the kind of dream that many a young man and even the older ones would be more than happy to have each night, though they'd probably prefer it to be a reality lol. It must be disappointing to wake with the alarm and find such passion was all a dream but when there is someone to share a fantasy with then we shouldn't complain.
I'm fond of poetry that tells a story and this poem does just that, while delivering it with a beautiful rhythmic flow that suits it excellently. Perhaps the rhythm of this poem also adds something to the erotic nature of the content. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
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Hmm..., delish. Good luck in the contest. Don´t worry about the glasses and anapests; words should reflect feelings, not follow some type of prescribed form. It is what you did here on this page in a most excellent way. Thank you for creating and sharing. Take care,
U
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Brave
Wow, firstly the rythm is striking. Secondly the imagery of the poem is conveyed very nicely. I think you are really brave to write such emotive, powerful words. Fantastic, please keep writing.
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I thought this poem was wonderful! I may be mistaken but on the 8th stanza 4th line, it seems a syllable has been missed. I loved you poem though you are quite the writer.
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thanks for explaining the form in your notes
this skipped along without a bump. graphic yet sensual. erotic enough to be hot and done in a 'gentlemanly' language
best of luck
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This was really amazing and the imagry was perfect. You werent to grapic and I like that! You did an awsome job
chrissy
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*trying to cool off*
Wow. what a sexy, lusty, and tasteful (and tasty) poem! It's so easy for someone to post a dirty little poem and say it's erotica, bt this is true to form and vision. the metaphors and imagery were provoking, but didn't make me feel like i was reading some smut in penthouse. you have a great mind and i appreciate this!! thank you So much! ~~Hara
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oooo la la
Between the tenderness in Ana Thea's poem and the self-awareness in Daddy's Dime and the indulgence and passion shown here...you are so talented and so in tune... and indeed you have a very lucky wife.
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WOW WEE!!!
Your poetic prowess has catapulted in short order. Very well written, no, AMAZINGLY well written! You'd do well to keep hanging out with Micol... you're forging ahead at lightspeed. I love the word choice throughout this piece and your ability to stay just this side of the porn border without crossing over into tackiness! Again, well done my friend.
Thanks for the payback in kind earlier this week! Now I owe you again!
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beautiful! the rhyme is subtle and well done... not at all overwhelming... quite expertly composed... heat and a sense of delicacy to this piece...
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Avery interesting read!
I like how you penned this piece! wish you luck in the contest!
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A wild read/ride
Good work, keep it up. nice to read some mens poetry for a change. I really don't have any critisism.
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This is fantastic. The way it carries I wasn't sure how it would end until I got there. It kept me reading on, wanting to know more. What a wonderful read!
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Excellent. I love this...the fatc that it rhymed, adds another side to the poem....Great!!
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Accidental click, I will admit. Yet, glad to have done so. Could almost feel a heart beat in the rhytmic tempo of this.. Could almost smell every scent..
How fun - - I like!
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Wow!
I loved how this poem kept a certain rhythm, and the imagery was beautiful.
You kept my attention with the skillful rhyming and I loved the ending!
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Excellent write. Your words flowed together so greatly. Never once did I have to stop and re-read any of this trying to make sence of what I was reading. It brought a picture to me while I was reading it which to me is always a good thing. Again excellent write
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oops forgot to give an applause, that you deserve.
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I think it's a great piece. And I love the ending. Yeah it took me a little to figure out the picture too, but I was trying to figure out which body part was whose. Loved the rhythem, the meter sounds familiar, but I can't remember what it's called. The word images were great and flowed beautifully. Good luck in the contest.
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I often wondered why men wake up on their "kickstands". And believe me I have asked more than a few times. The less imaginitive are inclined to blame a need to relieve themselves, and though I don't entirely doubt them. I just prefer your version. No embarrassing double talk, and the wife gets lucky too! This was a very imaginative, visual, read... I'd close the contest and give you the gold!
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Awesome poem! Love the ending especially!
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Excellent!
This drew me in from beginning to end. What an imagination and I thought the ending was greatThis was a very sensual and erotic poem and I really did enjoy the read. It wasn't vulgar in any way to me but kept me wanting to read. Great job...good luck in the contest, I hope this takes the gold!
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You Piss Excellence
"Half-naked, now four, in a prance of l’amour,
they were asked by the matron to go.
He gave her some cash as they slid out the door,
their arms full of flesh and Bordeaux."
WOW!
This whole poem screams excellence. I love it so much you are fuckin awesome!
Much respect and keep writing man I like it. XD
~Kimber
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That was brillantly written
really good job....(going to go jump my husband now!)
laughing.......smartly done, and the rhyming kept pulling
at us...to have fun and flow with this write wondering
what your final stanza would offer us? !!
Great job.
You are a good teacher of using the WORDS, Commanding
them not hiding behind them or drowning in them...which
(big sigh) is so darn easy to do!!!
Great job!!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : ))
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Sadly this poem is almost totally destroyed for me by the last line, which I found banal to the Nth degree.
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Most of erotic poems that I've read, is about a one night stand or just desire and lust. This one gave me the feeling that love was equally present for both of them. How good to see that when reading such a sensual and passionate poem!
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THis poem was very erotic and so enjoyable. Twas very well written and I was most endefineablly aroused.
RtheO
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this is excellent!
i seldom like rhyme but adore this
this is graphic without being graphic if that makes sense. your choice of words lends elegance to group sex
to find in the end that is all a dream is not a disappointment. it could have very well ended that way. i like the ending you chose.
here's my three clappies
forgot to mention that the title is very clever
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then, waded the waters of glee....... what a handsome phrase, please may I use it? As others have said - fine piece of erotica without the overblown use of imagery limited by intellect. The dream was delightfully ended. Thanks so much for sharing your ideas
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Fabulous!
What a great poem. Beautiflly erotic with no hint of smut or vulgarity. Beautiful imagery and rhyme; beautriful metre. An absolute pleasure to read.
Great write!
Write on, Poet!
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That was really good - it can be so hard to portray passion and eroticism with out being sleazy or cheesy - and I think you told a great story, and didn't resort to the tired same phrasing we see all the time!
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Superb
Rhyme and flow both first rate, hot contents and great story.
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NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED!!
wow!!! Who's in the mood for work after reading this?
really very good! All the best for the competition
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Written Boldly But Yet Good !
The red ruby moon how sexy it sounds.Caressing each other to sleep really caught my eye.Sexual desires are planly viewed i9f one reads very closely.Keep up the wonderful work ! Gre@t Job~~~~~~~LoveSpell-PurpleRose~~~~~~~~P.S. I am a real" Moon " Lover The Fuller the better to me~~~~~~~
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Humor and whimsy sexy goings on, so very nice to see, well written and a wonderful narration carries the delightful story to a rightful ending...so very well done...PK
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mery pood
"...........his need to make love to his wife...."
there's a lot of emotion here
i think you portrayed it beautifully by endingit the way you did
something that is held sacred by the bond of marriage
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You've got the rhythm down nicely...fourteeners with internal and terminal rhyme, good choice for the subject.
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