Buried
beneath tons of water
pressure pounds against concrete
walls as memories, echo
press in, settle down-around me
in surreal sounds that surround
the tedious hours traveling to be
by your side, longing to breathe in your air,
touch your skin, before the ritual of death slams
its brakes
and comes to a far-reaching exit
...into the tunnel of light.
Author notes
Picture prompt #1
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
-
wow
watery graves can be sucha terrufyig experience and you nring that about so nicely in this peom love dths hell ofa lot keeppennng let the ink flow -
My
Reminds me of my many trips into NYC. But how often did I think about those tons of water while awaiting the light? Can't recall. But now I do poet. Interesting piece of poetry.
-
Wow
i love the way you worded this it was utterly amazing
-
Wow, this is really a wonderful poem. Each line has an intense amount of emotion. i can say that i truly love this. it really has a fantastic and meaningful message to it. amazing job! i love your style of writing by the way. Keep on writing!
-
I can't breathe...
Wow, you really had me panting, agonized for breath Debs...
"in surreal sounds that surround"
Phenomenal, simply audible and perfectly phrased... I feel as though its our shaking against the growing anxiety, its the air molecules erupting, its the bones breaking, the skin crawling... its a panic attack to get out
"the tedious hours traveling to be
by your side, longing to breathe in your air,
touch your skin"
Poetic wine at best
That's all I have to say about that.
"before the ritual of death slams
its brakes
and comes to a far-reaching exit"
'Ritual of death' is so universal, you've coined a phrased, really, a sound so creepy, eerie, it better be taboo. And I hate its brakes shrieking, or getting near me...
I am awe-struck and breathless due to admiration and poetic experience. This is true claustrophobia, however defined. I felt the walls caving in and your heart growing smaller...
Simply amazing,
Kristy
-
Exquisitely Extraordinary...
Subjects presented and developed into full picture clearly showing the dancing skill of a sensitive quill on clouds of imagination. An outstanding composition in poetic majestic.
In respect and admiration,
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
-
Great stuff!!!
Outstanding...
So much intensity expressed so beautifully in so few words...
Wonderfully atmospheric narrative that builds tension & drama throughout...
Keep up the good work...
Well done!!!
-
wow
calustrophobia is dangerous and can fatally affect teh psyche of so many .It renders thems dysfunctional.You brought it out so nicely in this poem.Well done.Please go
through my latest You Gonna Like it,and other poems as well. -
Good poem!
"Into the tunnel of light" looks like an exit...structure wise..
Love the way the strengthed of the word "Buried" is like some heavenly steel door that gets opened exposing the "pressure" of the Claustrophobia of life and then death. It is suffocating, the imagery lends to that theme...
The words carry weight, pushing....
I really like this poem.
I'm claustrophobic.
-
Oh what a thought provoking write. I am claustrophic myself I go crazy in tight or small places. I could not imagine being trapped beneath the water with no way out, chilling. Such vivid imagery and emotion throughout. Wonderful poem.
Hugs
Theresa
-
What a picture you paint with words! 'exit ...into the tunnel of light' leaves the reader dropped only to be surprisingly lifted up.
Bonita
-
lovely, dark textures in this poem.........
I feel this way when they lead you down the hall to a small
suffocating doctors office...
I always leave the door open..and tell the nurse
you have 10 minutes and I escape..........
they alwys smile, and say, I"ll be sure to tell the doctor!
lol
ears/loved how you wrote this!
well done!
-
That's an original manner to describe claustrophobia. As drowning under the weight of water, crushed between walls. I never thought of one as the other but this is truly self descriptive.
-
I very much liked this poem! The only thing I didn't like was the over-use of the ellipses. The only place I think you need them is at the end. Other than that I enjoyed this poem!
-
I liked the presentation of liquid as earth in this context. Enjoyable read. I envisioned last memories flashing in a dying mind.
-
Well done- I havent seen the picture prompt, but you created one for me with the words. The last line could be interpreted in so many ways. Well done.
-
-
Thank you Jay81 for dropping in to read Clautrophia. Appreciate your comments and happy, snappy faces.
Blessings
and best wishes
stay
liquid
-
-
I think you have very much explained eloquently how wretched claustrophobia can be. Nice write.
♥
whisper
-
-
Thank you whisper for another drop-in and comment on
Claustrophia
Appreciate it
Stay
liquid
-
-
I felt the weight of the world crack my ribs.
With your experience in spiritual counseling, I have no doubt that you have encountered many who suffer from phobias. I have a fear of heights that has this effect on me. I love to fly, though. However, I don't think I'll be jumping out of any airplanes very soon. If I'm going to exit into Heaven, I want it to be something less terrifying.
-
I could feel the pressure on my chest!!!! Very very good!
-
nothing particularly wrong with this, but nothing really that good to me either. i don't really dig the run on sentence form, and it just seems a little cliche to me. i do however like very much how "beneath" in line 2 is actually beneath "buried". excellent use of form right there. thanks for entering.
-
Powerful!
This makes me feel a bit frightened as I think drowning would be one of the most horrible deaths. I like the last three lines especially. Well done.
-
-
Dear Bella,
Thank you for stopping in to read CLAUTROPHOBIA, for your comments and those
happy faces.
Blessings of peace, love, light,
liquid
-
-
frightening sensations of drowning brought fo life and light in vivid and scary clarity...
-
-
Dear Poet,
Thank you for stopping by and commenting
on Claustrophia and for the happy faces.
LOVELIGHTPEACE
liquid
-
-
hummmmmm this seems to be missing something to me. I am not sure what but it didn't move or interest me but the wording isn't bad or anything. You may want to possibly make an occurrence of this feeling of claustrophobia and then zoom back to the "you" that you long for but feel buried when around. Also, I would ditch the "Chesapeake Bay" because it stands out with too much specificity and seems a bit irrelevant to your emotions towards this person. Perhaps your pressure can pound like an object like, drums or percussion or something. I just don't know if the specificity fits here.
Adding your comment:
1 - 27 of 27
