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hauntingly hautbois

fairies dance above the Shaliko Moon
haunting illuminations spread too soon
wings protruding and tresses flowing
each one brought a new harvest tune

fairies will wail and call to the sun
the sounds forever fill the night
ominous tunes will play for some
warning man to do what is right

Author notes

hautbois: oboe
there is a hint of autumn in this harvet poem
POW

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Tarja
    November 1, 2007

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    Congrats on the honorable mention. This was a very interesting style of poetry. I personally didn't really enjoy it. The poem itself, as far as the word choice and imagery goes was excellent though. Thank you for entering.


  • trista gold member
    October 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am actually very surprised with Bear's comment on this...but then, I like surprises, so that's okay.

    Okay, MY opinion. I agree it's waaaaay too short. I also dislike having NO capped letters at the beginning of lines just as much as ALL caps. There's no punctuation here at all, and if you don't have caps to help guide your reader, that becomes even more important IMO. Your rhyme scheme is not consistent. It reads and flows well despite that, but I did notice it right away.

    Imagery is wonderful. I loved the theme, especially for this time of year. GREAT title...I think the best I've seen this POW, as it had me extremely curious as to what I would find inside. So, a mixture here of things I both liked and disliked. I think I will let the score speak the rest.

    Thank you for your entry, and good luck. I hope we'll see you again in future PO contests.

    Best wishes,
    ~J.


  • Arkbear gold member
    October 28, 2007

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    Very nice ~

    I will say that this is a good entry into the POW contest ~

     

    I will also say.....waaaaaay too short....I wanted more!

     

    Nice Imagery....Nice Theme......and a great tone throughout ~

     

    This is what I meant by lighting up this plain white backdrop  :)

     

    I hope to see your talents grace these PO' contests again, as I can see the talents and passions your quill possess ~

     

    Please join us again ~

     

    Let's see how your Very Short entry scored,

    good luck!

     

    Loved your Title BTW ~

     

    Bear ~

     

     

    Title   10

    Flow   9.6

    Depth   9.0

    Theme   10

    Feelings   9.5

    Grammar   9.9

    Presentation 9.5

    Uncommonness   9.9

    Sit & Ponder Affect   9.7

    Ability to follow Rules   10

    Bears Score:  97.1

    Very nice score!

    :)

     


  • crimsondew
    October 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I like the message here...It is kind of cute and haunting at the same time.
    All the best!


  • GhostBear
    October 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Just being honest but: Decent imagery but I see no punctuation at all I would suggest revising it before judging begins if thats allowed. Also remember caps at the beginning of lines etc

1 - 5 of 5