I despise you.

Joe.

You... you shouldn't have done it in the first place. I hated you from the start. I know hate is a hard word, but it works in this situation. In the beginning the problem was you were always pissed at me no matter what I did. And in the ending the problem was you sexually abused me and covered it up with tickling. Just like in the movies in health class. I know your plans.

I don't care if there's something wrong in your head. That's your problem. You should have restrained your thoughts, Joe. It IS your fault. I will NOT take the blame. You take the shame.

I know my mom still loves you. She doesn't say so, but kids are good at noticing things. I put all the pieces together, Joe. It isn't your fault if she loves you, but it IS your fault if you love her back. You don't deserve her. You don't deserve US. And that's why I say "kudos to mom for kicking Joe out!"

You have ripped my life apart. It has been a bit more than a whole year and your picture remains in my thoughts. I am scarred for life- because of YOU. I don't care if I'm harsh, either. You were much harsher on me.

Okay, so listen to this. You were sexually and physically abusive. And you made me feel stupid by asking me "what's 8x8?" when I was in second grade and then saying "NO!" and asking my sister. For the sexual abuse, I thought my mom didn't care when she heard, she hadn't  done anything about it in so long. But apparently it remained in her thoughts- like you are in mine. And she gave you a lie detector test. And it showed up that you really did- it was no mistake. As for the physical abuse... you didn't whip me every night. Nothing bloody like that. Only red marks on my arms. And I got used to it.

Were you harming my mom, I want to know? Did you sexually abuse her? Just because adults are allowed to have sex doesn't mean they can't get somehow sexually abused. Well, I asked her. Your heart's pounding real hard now, huh? Well she said, "I'll have to think about that." What do you think? She would usually say "yes" or "no." Did you make her swear not to tell or something?

Our family used to have something. We used to love eachother and take care of eachother and hug eachother. But when you came, it was all about you. You broke up our relationship with eachother. And as you left, we slowly faded away... You know why? Because none of us thought we could relate to eachother anymore. That's because they didn't know you sexually abused me yet. So still now, we aren't the same... But for me, the biggest problem is, you are everywhere. Even though you got kicked out, you are still here. You are... you are... you are here. And you can't go away. There's pictures of you everywhere. Oh, and your kid says she misses you.

Well I guess this is enough ranting. I GUESS. Although you did deserve all this. Do you know what this letter is supposed to be doing? Although it seems nearly impossible. It's supposed to be slapping you back to reality. And I know you can't get better with your "mental illness" but you CAN notice all the destruction you have caused. 
And I know for a fact you CAN feel guilty.
And I personally hope you do.

~You know who