Run and hide from Time,
usual escape unbidden.
Relief a quest,
achieved only through randomness.
Untold truth seeks discovery
undone by chaotic tendency.
Secure change
obscures order.
Time finds all
eventually.
Relentless, patient,
untouched by emotion,
discovery of sanctuary
definite, unbound by law
supported by nature's
whim.
Assassin succeeds always.
Time finds all.
Only option,
to stay ahead,
accomplish all possible.
Experience adventure
as time allows
the end will arrive.
Time never stops.
Author notes
been quite a long time since i've written anything.
be honest, i can take it.
A contest entry
- It's A Contest... For Poetry. Whoah by Exodus.
600 points, ended November 5, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Ok well honestly....this needs work. It reads as all over the page and wonders from one point to another without any real essence or significance. But that's just what I see. We will work on that.
Keep penning dear!
~Inc." -
There are a few things that I will comment on so I'll get right down to it. Number one, and the most obvious, is the complete lack of punctuation. In this piece especially I think it could do a lot of help towards assisting the flow and how you want the reader to read certain lines. Number two would be the font. While I can understand why you chose the background, things like font colour etc must be taken into account when presenting a poem (especially on a website). I think with a change in colour this would be a lot more pleasing to the eye.
That said, I really liked the repetition of 'un' in the fifth and sixth lines. You've used some great language to build up the feel your trying to create. Thanks a lot and good luck
-
Hi there. I'm not the right person to point out what you're doing right or wrong since I'm a bit rusty myself and only recently started putting a few words together. The theme of the passing of time is as fascinating as it is haunting. It is hard to understand where times goes, it is easier to realize you can never have it back. Now to say that in a fresh way is quite the challenge. My suggestion is to try to substitute the explanatory verbs, such as ... escape, succeeds, finds, achieves, accomplishes ... let your imagination run wild, use an image or two. I hope I've been helpful. Thanks for dropping by my page. Feel free to critique any of my writes.
Thank you and my best to you.
Maria
Adding your comment:
