Your fingers on my lips.
held my whispers, let them collect ~
leaves against a fence.
Eyes laughing, you leaned forward
replaced fingers with lips.
Left me choking on my thoughts.
I am a kite dancing against the clouds.
We sat in the sand, watched the waves
reach for our toes, breathed in the salt.
I lay back, wondered how I could fall up
into the sky, race clouds, see you.
We smoked cigarettes, fished, smoke rings.
Flicked butts, laughed at whose went farther.
Flat on my back, you climbed on top,
leaned against my knees,
viewed me over the mountain tops.
My learning curve compounded your laughter.
9:22 PM
10/27/07
Alexandria, VA
Author notes
Discombubulate: confused
Confused: 1. archaic to bring to ruin 2. abash
Abash: to destroy the self-presence, the self possession of
In a list
A contest entry
- A Write of Surprises! Come in! PIF by luvdrkchocolate.
425 points, ended November 19, 2007, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THE BEST OF YOUR BEST by Whispering Wind.
1800 points, ended March 6, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 90 of 90
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now you have gone an done it
this has to be your Master Piece of all and to think you kept it hide under all that cover...Flows like a lovers dance moving in a sweet sensuous trance...sighs...can I have my breath back now?...Niaish for sharing and for entering MasterPoet
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This was and effort to capture a moment where the heart first grows its wings.
I am glad that it touched yours.
May your day be rich and blessed.
Love, Tom B.
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tom you i am shocked this was tasty in bold sensual erotic your jewels here is very impressed
thanks honey
muah....
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Our minds are the most erotic instrument we own. I do nothing more than stir the mind with things that it will be provoked to play with.
Love, Tom B.
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"Your fingers on my lips.
held my whispers, let them collect ~
leaves against a fence."
Such a penning this is, my Friend. Soft, tender, serene, poignant. Beautifully done, Poet. Good luck in the contest. 
Wanda
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This is the poem where I first began to develop the form. It called to me. I find the single lines the hardest for they must carry so much in so very little. Almost haiku in nature. Glad this delighted. Be well my friend and may these have given you a little joy and an inner smile.
Love, Tom B.
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My goodness! This is going to be a hard contest for me. This is another good entry that I have here. What am I going to do? lol It's fun though. I liked your title. It's a little different and it drew me in. I'm glad to see that people were able to take my hard words and produce something unique and beautiful with them. That had been my hope. I really loved the third line of your first stanza. That was a great image. You had a lot of great images though. You did such a nice job in writing this.
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You know, I never expect to win. I am always amazed when I do.
This poem and I appreciate that you valued us to highly. This is one of those that still shimmers in my heart, leaving me to discover new reflections staring back at me as I read it.
Now I just have to come up with a contest.
Love, Tom B.
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This feels lovely magical
A get a feeling of remembering/ the beginning of a new romance, it felt fun and exciting. Living by the sea I could taste the salt air. Wonderful.
~sugar~
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Sometimes so much is said without words that we forget to use them in our understanding of one another. Thanks for your kind thoughts.
Love Tom B.
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"I lay back, wondered how I could fall up
into the sky, race clouds, see you."
Does it really need to say more? Within that stanza alone, I was lost.. If yummy had a visual ~ this would be one of them..
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I am always working on perfecting a style I call Oriental American Modern. The juxtapositioning of images. The creation of symbols that speak for our emotions. Simplicity. In the end I am just a poet who loves hearing he touched a heart and made it sing for a moment. Thank you.
Love, Tom B.
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Flows exceptionally and the diction is overwhelming. This is a great poem, I loved it.
Silvos.
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Just quick snapshots of moments gone by that live on in the heart. Something more is created by the juxtiposition of images which is my oriental influence. Trying to create a language of symbols that allow the images to represent more than just that event. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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words flow like the ebbing waves and tells a story of new love and discovery
I liked the image of your thoughts caught against a fence like leaves but was unsure of why fishes was put into line 12.My emotional response to the poem took me all the way back in time to my first romance when everything we did and said seemed so hilarious and enjoyable. Thank you for reminding me and good luck.
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Fishes? Blow smoke rings and tell me what you look like. You are the first one to comment on the leaves against the fence line. Thanks for getting that. There is a delight in being in love, it often compounds our akwardness and creates hilarity. Sometimes, we, just, laugh
Glad you stopped by and shared your comment.
Love Tom B.
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Uh hum....*tory closes eyes and walks out*feel like i walked into something i shouldny have...
oh what the hell it was a great visual..another shocker form you..sheesh..wher is the TomisB i knew and adored..he has gotten stolen and hog tied into writing some *whew* stuff.. great job
Tory
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I got two more in this form. "Sanguine and Sagacious" and "Tree Are Thunder In The Fog" The form is developing. It is an Oriental, American Modern form where images, number of lines the use of the two single lines to encapsulate the previous lines. The reflection back on earlier statements. Anyway. Glad you dropped by. Glad you enjoyed this.
LoveTom B.
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Cute
This is a very good poem, you have done an excellent, thank you for sharing and keep them coming.
raingoddess
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Thanks for taking such pleasure from my simple words. I am always blessed by those who share their joy, for joy shared is multiplied.
Love, Tom B.
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Ah - you have this under magical, I think this is, indeed, I love this! Wonderful imagery in these moments you have so creatively wrote into this poem! I love the title too, you always have the best titles
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Titles are almost and art unto themselves. I am glad you can sense the magic in this. This means your intimate moments cast light in a thousand directions Perhaps this to will feed your heart.
Love, Tom B.
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The was a wonderful adventure to read. It's was so touching and the imagery was on point..."I am a kite dancing against the clouds."....such a breath taking line. Love the author's notes btw. Keep Writing!
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Intimacy is a feeling created when we feel like someone has let us in on a sacred and tender part of their life. I, perhaps, did not know how much people would be touched by this. Perhaps, I am far more trusting than I realize and believed everyone would understand. The author notes were required by the contest. The contest is part of the reason this happened. Thanks for all of your kind and loving thoughts.
Love, Tom B. -
Oh, I forgot...HOTT PIC!
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I would say your pic leaves little to be desired. Or is it that your pic is highly desirable.
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!
...Stop it you are a mess!
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wonderful! love that ending.... the whole piece seems a bit of a departure for you, but I like it... beautiful!
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This level of simplicity and capturing little pictures is something I have played with for ages. It is almost American, Oriental in stucture. I think this one works best of all the ones I have done in this style. It might be a while before you see it again. If I was a little better structured and disciplined I would work out the whole thing and formalize it, but I am not. So, I won't.
Love Tom B.
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Woderfully Written !
I really enjoyed reading the intence emothion's that you have written in this poem.Enjoyed viewed me over the Mountain top. as well as your fingers on my lips held my wispers. great expression on your wording.
~~~~~~~LoveSpell-PurpleRose~~~~~~~
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I seem to have bottled magic in this one from what everyone says. We don't need cineimatic love as much as we need a sense of unspoiled honesty. Glad you stopped to share your joy.
Love, Tom B.
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Fantastic. A very articulate write that fills my head with image after image, due to great choises of language and vocabulary. A clear representation of this couple and their feelings towards eachother - set out very nicely.
Very well done, you have a true talent.
ELW x
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Thank you. This is a simple little poem. The language plain to keep the sense of ingenue in the poem. Some things express themselves best without embroidery.
Love, Tom B.
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this is a great poem it really makes you imagine what you were thinking at the aprticular time you were writing this. please can u comment my poem the past im a new person to this nd want more points love this poem your a really good poet.
well done good job
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Rachy, send me a link to one of your poems and I will be happy to take the time to look it over and give it a thorough review.
Thanks for enjoying my poem so much and sharing your pleasure.
Love, Tom B.
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i love this poem. this is probably one of the BEST love poems i have ever read.
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That is a very high compliment. This is really only a celebration of how easy it is to be silly, confused and in love if we are willing to be trustful enough.
Love, Tom B.
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I applaud you
Oh, I forgot to applaud you. I got carried away, by your poem, lol.
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Excellent write
You have put a nice flow to this poem. I like how you wrote this. You also captured the essence of young love. All the emotions that go with it. Reminds me of my first love, minus the coupling. Know what I mean? (wink) I didn't do that. I was a good old fashion girl, lol. -
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Thanks for capturing the feelings I was singing. Truth is I still experience this sometimes but the kid in me never did grow up. He keeps me humble Love, Tom B.
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This was such a write of pure innocents and explorations!Reminding me of some of my old days long gone but treasured sweet memories stuck in my head forever.
Loved it as always!
Look my grammar and punctuation is getting better. See?
lol
I really enjoyed this one!
Love,
~Lisa~
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You are an intelligent woman and a fast learner. Never had any doubts.
Thanks for enjoying the way this moved. I was trying to show my confusion and sense of being overwhelmed. Perhaps that is why it comes off so innocent and human.
Love, Tom B.
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"I lay back, wondered how I could fall up
into the sky, race clouds, see you."
Loved those lines. There are many sensual visuals here. Enough to simply take the breath away. I could feel the clam as well. A wonder...as usual!
Always ♥
Renee
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This is just a visual cornicopia No this catches more of me and my crazy kind of silliness and vulnerablity all at once. Glad you enjoyed it.
Love, Tom B.
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Oh this is beautiful.... a stunner
... And considering our earlier conversation a little funny.
The entire poem is fantastic but my favorite part was..
"Flat on my back, you climbed on top,
leaned against my knees,
viewed me over the mountain tops.".....Brilliant
This reminds me of happy days from my past.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Delila
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It takes two full of their humanity and a certain level of innocence and humility. Excellence is not perfection, just and understanding of what to strive for. Even when it is being perfectly silly. Glad you enjoyed it. I
thought it would create a smile
Love, Tom B.
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Sometimes a love is soooo strong that words are not needed. It can be even louder in a touch, or be felt by a simple look. Once hearts have been sewn together with this everlasting thread, language is expressed with deeper emotions, and words alone could never be strong enough. Well done!! THank you for sharing this with me
Mel
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I always love it when you let your heart speak. Things that hold meaning for us are often not captured as much as experienced. Later, in the halls of reason, when reviewing memories ~ we decide what we know and don't know. It is foolishness. Our heart knows enough to just lie back and listen to the clouds converse with the sun.
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Discombobulate didn't leave you with a lot of options!
Lovely pice. I love the imagry. It's very sweeping, and majestic, but at the same time very human, and small.
The title gave away the mystery a bit. Spelled out something that could have been left unsaid.
Quite lovely though. Makes me sigh. It would be lovely to be there with a beau... minus the cigarettes.
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Even with doorways there are layers of meanings and entrances to more than one room. The dance of confusion is often found in the seas of emotions that try to marry the slippery dolphin of feelings and sensations that bring them. The cigarettes? Depends on what you are smoking and the silliness you share.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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This is beautiful
Felt like true love and soul mates sitting on the beach. Sometimes there just isn't any need for words.
A truly beautiful write.
A pleasure to read.
~sugar~
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Love, is a slippery definition. I catch only the opportunities, we find in our heart weither we can express it.
Love, Tom B.
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Wonderful Tom
you really have a wonderful pen....
Ephiphany
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Thanks. I hope you continue to come by and see if I live up to the expectations of your heart. Love, Tom B.
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wow
this is very breth taking and soul filling
you take a body on a trip of senses
soaring and climbing
smelling the ocean
stroking sensual feelings
just a wonderful write
Riftkin
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We learn in time, language is communication and comes in the forms necessary for us to know more than words can hold. The man who lives by words alone soon finds most of the world has stopped listening.
Love, Tom B.
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BREATH TAKING
Soft whispers upon the the skin...the fingers touch the magic within...Not a word shall pass these lips...yet volumes this heart does hear!Eyes explore the inner beauty...wonder soon becomes as dust...I have heard these unspoken words*rose*
Sorry your poem just pulled out these words to match your own...Just breath taking as always*rose* Thank you Master Poet for sharing with me*rose*
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Never apologize for finding a poem evoking a response. It is one of the highest compliments you can give. I am honored to have moved you so.
Love, Tom B.
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Bubba ~
Remind me if I don't get back to review this....as I am sooooo frikkin tired right now, but love the poems idea.....hell...I'm so tired I don't even know what I'm saying ~ ~
I sign for the deaf, and this is really something I want to read.....even if it's in metaphoric format ~
I'll applaud later....I'm sure ~
:)
Night ~
Bear ~
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This is your reminder For this is one I would love to hear your thoughts on.
Love, Tom B.
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I am a kite dancing against the clouds.
We sat in the sand, watched the waves
reach for our toes, breathed in the salt.
I lay back, wondered how I could fall up
into the sky, race clouds, see you.
This is just wonderful, Tom. So vivid, and alive.
I love this style of yours..even though I have no idea what style it is..
How fun this write must have been creating...
Always,
Jin
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I wrote three poems this day. One on hands, one on intimacy and then this one. It came full born, talking in my ear as I wrote it down. I know exactly what it means but it wrote me more than I wrote it. It made the person it is meant for smile. What else can I ask. Glad it touched you as well.
Love, Tom B.
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ok this goes down as one of my FAVOURITES....i should compile a book of my own tomisb favourites...its high time
LOVE IT LOVE IT...standing ovation (and a whistle too) hehe
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I would love to see the poems you would include. Truly.
This is one of the ones that proves there are muses. It was whispered in my ear and I only share what I was told.
Love, Tom B.
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Very gentle, and inspiring write, with a calming peace. Just what I needed at this moment Life is so short, and often times we forget to laugh and overlook the simple pleasures of it. Thanks for sharing
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Most of our madness, when we are under the weather with love, are the gentle delusions gifted us by a world designed to answer the song.
Love, Tom B.
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Is this for me? Thanks! It is very kind of you to think of me in this way. I had no idea. I don't understand it, except the part about you choking on your thoughts... I think I get that... my favorite part is...
I am a kite dancing against the clouds.
I can picture that... and it feels good.
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'tis it better to choke than throttle, depends on who is getting the chortle.
Dancing is always better
Peace & Love, Tom B. -
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Ok, but I get to lead!
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WONDERFUL!!!
my dear you brought special thoughts to my heart and mind with this incredible sensory experience : sitting in the sand, laying on the hills watching and describing the shapes of the clouds, flying kites to the skies, chasing piles of leaves. hun thank you for the memories xxxx much love always xxxx
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When we are innocent, we discover all the wonderful things the world provides. Enjoyed your comments.
Love, Tom B.
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Interesting Write and Fun
Thank you for sharing with me The Secrets In Learning To Sign is awesome for the title and the first line
Your fingers on my lips and the last line My learning curve compounded your laughter!! I loved the smoke rings and being on the beach and the sand with a fun friend or lover. Thanks for sharing with me, Kelle Marie, stavykm
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I thought you would delight in the joy and laughter. Life is too short for us not be full of the wonder found in our love.
Love, Tom B.
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This was just beautiful. I love the first 2 lines...
Your fingers on my lips.
held my whispers, let them collect ~
because sometimes words are not necessary. The heart and soul connect and create the world they wish to exist in and speak a language all their own. There is an awe to the surroundings of lovers..a vibration of completion.
Soulful Woman
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You know they hear everyone, not the words, but what they are trying to convey. You caught my sense of wonder in this one and in doing so heard the whole poem.
Love, Tom B.
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This is exquisite!
So beautiful and as gentle as true love...
Sigh~ THis is breathtaking and I would say one of your very best...bookmarking this one...
Lynda
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Laughter and smiles have a way of turning into butterflies and birds. I am always touched when my words fly away with you.
Love, Tom B.
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i feel like you've taken my heart and given it wings...
your poetry enchants me, warms me up like toast, and allows my imagination to soar...I feeeeel your words, Tom. Love, Lane
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I am a fortunate man. To touch the heart, stir the feelings is a blessing, to ignite the imagination ~ a gift. You leave me smiling knowing that the wind will be full of kisses as the dawn comes.
The poem ~ a gift. For it sprang forth, fully formed, of its own initiative. Almost like someone whispered in my ear.
Love, Tom B.
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Excellent & Suave Sensuality
Well yoiu have amazed me again..this poem rocks...you balanced each verse with a heatfelt rhymthm...I loved this one the most:
"Eyes laughing, you leaned forward
replaced fingers with lips.
Left me choking on my thoughts."
(This is perfection her catching you off guard...)
"Flat on my back, you climbed on top,
leaned against my knees,
viewed me over the mountain tops."
(You gave me a picture of full breast woman in the throws of passion...)
This piece was totally beautiful and you master this piece of ate just like Michaelangelo, I adored it...
write on Tom....my spectacular poet friend....novy
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This was one of those gifts that wrote itself in a sudden burst of vision. Look at the prompts I used and you can see why I caught this side of me in the poem.
Love, Tom B.
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This is wonderfully playful, sensuous, and full of life. i see so much of the man i know in this write...the man to whom i am stitched too.
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I just played with the prompts. since I tend to let the world amaze and befuddle me, it is true to the poet. Thanks for all of the kind words.
Love, Tom B.
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Oh my goodness.... photogenic phrases here, my friend
" lay back, wondered how I could fall up
into the sky" lord, how I laid in the tall timothy and wished such when I was small...perhaps we need to do this more often..
beautifully sensual.... another little piece of you that I so admire. -
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Often our life becomes more admirable for not letting the child disappear. Sometimes, we realize that our foolishness does not make fools of us.
Thanks for sharing your joy with this piece. I thought you might find yourself getting tangled in it as you read through.
Love, Tom B.
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Beautifully written,the reader is lulled by the scenery,the intimacy,the joy that brims from being in the moment.Especially liked the falling up into the sky as the couple experience a flip reversing of the universe.Indeed the title has a significence,the secrets in learning to sign seem to stem from a willingness to feel and to enable the other to feel.As the reader I felt the rush of the waves,felt my body pressed into the sand that made way for my outline,the poet writes with the ability to imbue intimacy without being intimate,to share personal moments and make them majestic and as ever adds sensuality with tasteful description,he learns over the curve of the mountain tops,he assimilates from the highest peaks that pump the pulse and oxygenate the heart to draw deeply and breathe.
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This is just me and my silly way of letting my own awkwardness possess me.
Thanks for your kind words and uncanny insights.
Love, Tom B.
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What a smile this leaves! The easy flow of the words is banter and I think the references to smoking made a good metaphor. The entire poem is enchanting, but the last line is a real keeper. Always did love kites, especially one dancing against the clouds. F:
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Thanks this was a lark. I really am as suprised by it as the next person, except this is really me in a lot of ways. Love Tom B.
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