Staring down at the macabre scene,
at the grotesque remains of what used to be
a child,
a son.
yet let mercy be served to me… at the expense of the boy.
I refuse to mourn the sight of it,
let it rot in its puddle of crimson red.
no longer do I bear the weight,
nor the pain
and as I wash the blood from my pale white arms
I know I have saved this one.
Let it never know the secrets that have been kept,
let him never know of his future.
As the blade of the knife
had forced entry into his skin
[his screams were never heard.]
Let them fall upon deft ears
as had mine two years ago.
Father let this bullshit be blamed upon you.
I can no longer bare the sight
of this… boy
of this living contradiction.
[This boy is my brother.]
Give me justice
Stop my pain
And let my husband never know
my father,
his father
[they are one and the same .]
Author notes
THE ULTIMATE BETRAYAL......
poem was inspired by Friday... another awesome poet on this site...
A contest entry
- Scare Me!!!! by near1202apocalypse.
1750 points, ended November 4, 2007, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Abortion. by DAMSELx.
450 points, ended June 15, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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This is an amazingly strong and chilling piece. So dramatically descriptive...
Thank you for your entry,
--DAMSELx
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Other than a grammar mistake (bare instead of bear) I like this entry very much. It has a kind of power that most others don't have. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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where is the mistake... i can't find it...
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This is truly horrible... I can't possibly imagine how it would feel for a parent to have to watch that and I hope I never learn. This is grotesque and truly heartbreaking. This makes me rather want to cry furious tears. This is sad but I can imagine that it would spark off anger in certain ways too, how dare this happen to someone so young with a life ahead of them?
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Wow, the ending was very powerful and definitely unexpected. The rest of the poem confused me somewhat but I get the overall outline of it. Very nice descriptions and I liked some of the formatting.
Thank you for entering, and good luck
Jeanette*~ -
excellent and powerful stuff! good luck and thanks for entering!
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Woah, Very intense. So far in the contest you're at the top of the preliminary finalists. YAY for you.
It's a deeply chilling poem and I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Although I think you'll place...
Claire-Anne -
Wonderfully twisted and dark, awesome write! Good luck in your contests hunni, this looks like a winner to me
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Horrible grueling remnants of a child.
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Very disturbing
but I'm guessing that
was your objective..
and you succeded
it left me feeling
ick..
~Pastel
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hmmm... very good i like it!!thanks for entering
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OOOOOh! Yay this was awesomely written! I sincerley enjoyed reading this write! I have to say that I cannot quote one favorite part because everything rested on the reset of the poem! It worked in a beautiful way and nailed your option and the emotions conveyed in the contest
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I am sorry, but I have to cancel the contest for the murder mystery. Complicated, but I will remake the contest idea and message everyone.
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this is great...thanks for mssging me about it. powerful and vivid are not strong enough to describe this. this is truly amazing.
One recommendation is not to italicize the words "forced entry" becuase (i think)it is too early in the poem to grasp the underlying concept of what the forced entry is. just a suggestion. beautiful. -
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i did it on purpose... to confuse the reader a little and get them wondering and thinking... I love poems that when you read them twice you see things that you didn't before... thanks anyway... I love it when people make suggestions
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well done!!
well written sweetheart. i really liked this one. thank you for sending me a msg bout it. its truly an amazing write. well done and beatuifully written. -Sable-
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Interesting. I think that your format needs worked over and the poem lined out one way or another, not so many bits and pieces. This is a very disturbing poem, in that it brings about anger from me. I do not like this type of poem at all. On the other hand I don't like these types of poems because they evoke anger out of me, the picture makes my blood pressure rise, the words of who could inflict so much pain on another infuriates me. I know this poem is good, because I am not disgusted with this poem, I am appaled at the thought of such injustice, good job.
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quite nice....the first few verses had me confused for a while though
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I feel very fancy. Thank you for sending me a message and letting me know so I could read it.
This is going to be hard to beat!
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wao...this was truly amazing!the photo strickes right from the start as the rest of the poem introduces the reader into a very intriguing atmosphere,bursting with emotional energy!the end is splendid!well done indeed!truly loved it! keep up!
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ooooo wow. up until the very end, I questioned the possibility of the result. Great poem : ] good luck!!
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OMG!!
How am I ever going to beat this? VERY good. Good luck in the contest. Sincerely hope you beat everyone except me.
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wow! this is awesome! it's very very grotesque and dark. it sadly does remind me of a mom who drowned her kids in the bathtub though... but it is a very good write!
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