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[ A chill, ]

A chill,
It rip(ple)s
Down my spine,
Sleep won't come,
I roll(outside
And [in])over,
the pillow's colder
                                                                          over here,
A tear,
Hold her,
I can't, alone,
It gathers strength,
Clouds gather,
Full grown,
Let loose,
Typhoon,
F 


a 


l

l
ing
Not down,
But rather,
                                                                        to the side,
That crinkle in my eye,
Now a dark spot
in the dark.ness,
A dampening
of more than cloth;
Which (only to be kissed),
For the morrow,
But I feel,
How hol( )low,
Tonight.

                  p
It runs back u  and d
                          o
                          w
      (up tight)        n
Pull 
The fuZzZy, soft, and cold,
Blankets though they may be,
I curl, un f  u    r      l,
Drift...away,
The clouds are part:ing,
My mind sways,
        Back
and
        Forth,
Darkness overtaking,
Relief?
Ah, But;
A chill,
Tears through and through,
I never knew,
Love:
a thorn,
I laughed (scorn),
Drops of empty
will never fill -

The pillow's warm,
                                                              So over I go;
                                                              The other side,
                                                              Still stifling; warm,
                                                              Noplace left to find,
                                                              Cool relief -
                                    From
A chill,
This kind won't kill,
Not true, to dirty its hands,
Gold, double-barrleled bands,
Present or yet,
(for "to be" is more
than "waswere")
There's naught to forget;
Or ponder, no
                                                                      stray thought,
This price that I've bought;
Or rather, clai(me)d me,
For freedom is but,
A lack of being free,
Of lonesome, of one,
Of homesick, no home,
But this feeling I feel,
No more joyous than 
                                                                            [gone],
Is the feeling of Love,
That chillest of chills:
Soul bringer of warmth,
The heart that can kill. 

Author notes

After reading soem of e.e.cummings earlier, i decided to have a try at this sort of writing...any thoughts?

A contest entry

any thoughts?

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Comments


  • PassionsPromise gold member
    January 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    well done here.
    wishing you the best.
    this was full of good story,
    tory

  • xTomorrowx
    November 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like it, it's a really good poem, some bits confused me a little bit, with the changing sides and going up and down and stuff, but I get confused easily so yeah... lol
    But this is a really well written poem, and the use of the up and down thing that confused me was really good lol
    Thanks heaps for entering and good luck! =)
    Preliminary finalist =)


  • Ignis Corpus
    October 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful poem! At first I had a little bit of trouble reading this, but I cought on to it, and I feel in love with this. Good job on this poem and I wish you the best of luck in this contest.


  • CatastrophicSmile
    October 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    wow i love this... the first time i read it, it was just breathtaking... then the more i read it over and over, the more i loved it even more. thanks for entering it's exactly what im looking for ♥

    Finalist