Autumn stars shimmer to
shine,'neath moon divine
to glimmer afar,
in kissed caress, in blessed
array; atop this world
displayed in sleep.
Diamond flecks in velvet hue,
weep raindrops dripped
in crystal care, 'neath stares
of wonder steeped in awe,
to harvest land
in pride and growth.
October whispers 'pon
lunar trails to sail in mist,
over cotton clouds, to wet
the earth in silky shroud
to bathe as
dewdrop bliss surrounds.
Mistral winds cloud
to wend and bend,
rising fervent from
ageless waters,
deep din of gray
from darkest skies
hanging covers of
purpled night
and love was in
the warm wet wash,
air embraced land
poured breath of life;
‘pon gentle nape,
gorging vale and hill
‘neath flashing thunder
in slow sweet sips.
Heft ‘pon brawny river
sides, left in peals of
puddled pride, as moon cascades
to land and hope, in day to
greet and fullness meet;
so soon to rise in fields
to yield, wonder's
welcome of merged monsoon.
Author notes
Collaberation between Laura Lamarca and Peteskid
Laura Lamarca & Peteskid ~ 4
You have three prompts that have to be incorporated into your piece. "October", "Harvest" and "Monsoon". Every one of these three prompts are important. 60 lines or less. Freeverse only.
In a list
A contest entry
- It Takes Two ~ Collaboration Contest by Florida Sunshine.
500 points, ended March 23, 15 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 31 of 31
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This is a very well done collaboration. Really nice imageries here.
A poem that really inspires the readers, and I think it inspired me, thoughts begin to take shape...
Lovely
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Incrediable! Word for word you moved me. You actually got me so excited just to read what was to come. Grabbing me right from the start with:
"Autumn stars shimmer to
shine,'neath moon divine
to glimmer afar,"
Right to the very end. I don't think putting this in any other form then what you've done here would make it work as well. It's passionate and an enjoyable read ~ You should be very proud of what you both have created.
You both should keep on writing you have a magical quality to this.
Thanks for submitting this into the "It takes two" contest ~ it was a pleasure to read.
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"and love was in
the warm wet wash,
air embraced land
poured breath of life;
‘pon gentle nape,
gorging vale and hill
‘neath flashing thunder
in slow sweet sips."
You two write almost as one ... a winning partnership. Congrats on the HM. -
It does not show that this was a prompt.. this is so lovely and remarkable it leaves me in awe. This is talent .
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yes-
Laura is one of the very best...thanks...PK
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Just excellent!! A stunning write, this is. Both your voices merge together so beautifully - just wow... fantabulous work.
~Namita
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this is a very beautiful write from the two of you. most excellent write. thank you for sharing this with me today and i wish you the very best of luck in this contest that you have entered. viyanna rosemarie
. Rewarded 4
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I have to admit this poem was not what I thought it was... I like it though you give very vivid detail that makes a mental picture pop up in my head. I have to say that I will most defiantly probably end up rereading it when I am finished with this comment. You are very talented and I really think that you done an awesome job with your talent. keep up the good work Because I can almost grantee you that I will be reading more of your work.
. Rewarded 8
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October whispers 'pon
lunar trails to sail in mist,
over cotton clouds, to wet
the earth in silky shroud
to bathe as
dewdrop bliss surrounds.
Wow Excellent... Great work on the collaboration...
The stanza above is my favorite... This has excellent imagery...Heep up the Great work you two...
. Rewarded 6
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beautiful images and great use of many poetic devices
I have read this three times now, I know it is just me, but I am having a hard time with the flow...it worked best upon my third reading outloud...but that is just me
still amazing words of wonder and awe
blessings,
Michelle
. Rewarded 6
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..absolutley stunning
I am new to the site, but from the poems I read on here, and the many poems of the past, this is one of the most beautiful, and most epically portrayed. It paints a magnifcent portrait one that not many are able to do, you have a true gift, and thank you for writing what is now one of my all time favorite poems
Hope you're talent blesses you as it blessed others
Taylor F.
. Rewarded 8
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An apt and pertinent title leads into a poem plumped to duck down full pillowed poetic devices with the inclusion of alliteration,assonance and consonance.Two things stood out,the usage of o'er,it does not read naturally to the eye nor sound right when read aloud and I read this both ways.At first the usage of din of grey balked when read but when read aloud with the nuances alive it worked and is indeed a very creative way of portraying the noise within the greyness of the ambivilent atmosphere.A write which paints the page!
. Rewarded 8
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great poem ! I loved it
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Wow
Fantastic I really enjoyed it, what powerful imagery and excellent use of english. Good luck and keep writing.
. Rewarded 4
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As moon cascades to the land of hope...and day meets and greets fullness! Wow...this whole poem is amazing my friend. Your words simply get better and better with each write. Good luck in your contest ~Sie
. Rewarded 4
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This is a great poem. Hope you win the contest.
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Touched my soul
The movement of words. the old english sound. Everything in this poem made my heart leap. My fave part is "in kissed caress, in blessed
array; atop this world
displayed in sleep." It simply moves me. Thank you -
well it definately takes a major amount of skill to write like this. this was a very awe inspiring piece. keep up the incredible work!!
. Rewarded 4
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beautiful
This has to be one of the best poems I've read on this site.
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Gold
this is the absolute best poem i have ever read in my life. this takes major skill...you are blessed with a talent. the words are perfctly chosen to portray the emotion, the mystery. it's beautiful. this is fantastic...more than words can discribe. excellent work!
. Rewarded 6
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Nice poem.
The art in the poem had been expressed in all paragraphs. It is neat and so short phrases.
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This is really great, great representation of the season, the imagery is very clear, i love poems about the seasons, weather, special the rain, to me that's the most important thing in the universe, because if it doesn't rain, life will stop to create, and the rain to me bring a new start, and the peacefulness of it just make me feel so good inside, great job and good luck in the contest.
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Great Write
Wow this is an amazing write, a sure winner masterpiece... beautiful dripping monsoons bringing the cool breeze caressing one's soul and you've poured monsoon raindrops so beautifully wetting the reader with your great talent... this is sure a winner written all over... good luck in the contest... take care Minoo
. Rewarded 6
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very flowing I like this stanza the best
"deep din of gray
from darkest skies
hanging covers of
purpled night". nice work
. Rewarded 4
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This is a great poem. I loved how the poem flows.
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AMAZING
Beautiful very creative
x x x
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Well, this was just as soft as I'd thought it would be. I was drawn to the title, and couldn't help clicking, and I am so very glad I did. I could quote a favorite stanza, but honestly, the whole poem was simply remarkable..I see that it's a contest entry, and I truly hope that Laura and yourself win the gold, this write deserves nothing less! I haven't even looked at the prompt..guess I should, huh?
Jin
. Rewarded 8
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Tis wonderful to read of the monsoon in such well layed out verse, I enjoyed the read.
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I've just had a quick look at your prompt and I must say the two of you really made it your own. This is lovely poetry and it rolls so smoothly off the tongue and falls in a singing style on the ear. Wonderful visuals here and great use of poetic devices such as alliteration, internal rhyme and flow. You did a great job. Loved the sense of movement and light here. I can see that Mary and I have our work cut out for us. Good luck in the contest, my friend.
~ Nicolette
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Monsoon rains cool the heat
Of the blazing copper sun
Dust turns to mud 'neath our feet
When the dry season is done
Good luck in the contest!
U
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