As I sit here at my desk,
I'm testing the perimeters of this binary,
Breaking the stems of the flowers,
Knowing the Knowledge is power,
Knowing that's what I must devour,
Facing what's ahead,
I can't dare to look behind,
Fearing that all I've escaped,
Will return and to me bind.
These things are sent to examine us,
To tell them what we know,
They define us amongst our peers,
Put us right on show.
I need to gain the knowledge,
Yet I sit and procrastinate,
Writing obscure poetry,
Which people will desecrate.
I know this doesn't help me,
to revise as I must,
I see all 15 before me,
I'm going to seal my fate,
The path I'm to take,
Is not the one I'll choose,
For I have made my own path,
And I'm afraid to loose…
So I think I'll stop this now,
Get back to the plan,
For internationally,
I'm marked out of 45,
Egad.. I'm a dead man.
Author notes
*POW*
I'm sitting the first of my IB exams on friday. and WHoot. Poems. -_-' So, I should probably be studying, or revising, or covering my hands in ink. Either way... I am anxious about them.. ^_^
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week ( POW ) by Arkbear.
750 points, ended October 29, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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great
wonderfully worded very descriptive picture you paint very artfully. wish you yhe best of luck. if you keep writing am sure your future will be great. and the past can never be erased anyway. but do keep writing it to the world. maybe the world will learn to understand.....
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This is a very good write. You presented your thoughts quite well here. There is a lot of emotion behind your words. I was hooked till the very last line.
Well done Poet.
Keep up the good writing. -
Fantastic! I love the abstract and vague references to a test, the viewpoint, all brought together at the end with a very concise and clear statement. A common human experience, and the mildly cynical, sacrastic sense of humour very well represented here!
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it seems in this write as you are trying to motivate yourself, and yet drawing blanks has led you to pen a good write here...i enjoyed this, and i could almost feel your desk under my palms when reading this
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But it worked out.
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I know this doesn't help me,
to revise as I must,
I see all 15 before me,
I'm going to seal my fate,
Does not make sense to me sorry.
the rest needs bit of work with Mr spell check.
hopefully you wont make the same mistakes in the exam room now it's out of your system.
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This is good. We all need to take a break if only to put things in order so life as we want it to go will go on. You writting this poem I think put you in touch with your inner feelings and then you were able to continue your journey. Well done, good luck in the exams! Thanks for sharing
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"These things are sent to examine us,
To tell them what we know,
They define us amongst our peers,
Put us right on show."
I was quite taken with this stanza. There is a personal feel to your words, and a bit of humor spicing things up.
If it were me, I would tighten a bit here and there, but good work.
Wolfie -
So I think I'll stop this now,
Get back to the plan,
For internationally,
I'm marked out of 45,
Egad.. I'm a dead man.
hey..you know the smoothness of this poetry is enchanting your muse to me..a great attempt is here...
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Once I read your author note, I could just imagine the tension you must be feeling! I wish though, that you had made me feel more of that tension in the poem itself. It has hints of it, but didn't really come through with the power of the emotions I believe are behind it.
My main issue with the write is the caps and punctuation. (And the grammar suggestions Bear has already made) It's rare for me to say this, but I think you have far too many commas in this. Not every line in a poem needs to have punctuation, because line breaks provide a natural pause already. The unnecessary commas interrupt the flow for me and make sort of a double or extended pause. Some of them ARE needed, but several of them I feel should have been either left off or made periods instead. I won't go through it line by line but just one short example:
"So I think I'll stop this now,
(and) Get back to the plan, (period)
For internationally,
I'm marked out of 45, (period)
Egad.. I'm a dead man.
I loved the unusual theme. It's very personal, not something a lot of people could relate to maybe, and yet you put the reader in your shoes for a moment so that we can imagine what it might be like. I liked the title and the last line was especially great.
Thanks so much for your entry, and good luck in the contest.
~J. -
Not too bad ~
Hi there!
First off.....after you get to know me, you'll find that I a not a fan of CAPPING each line...as Punctuation and CAPS are a way to guide the brain and tongue :)
Knowing (THAT) Knowledge??
Fearing (ALL) that I've escaped?
*Path* is repeated TWICE
*loose*...should be *lose*
This is not too bad of an entry ~
I felt a repeating Theme/thought process going on here, and I felt that you never really made it out of 1 st gear to bring us any new thoughts throughout this entry ~
It's a nice Theme, and an *uncommon* one, which we look for...but I think you could have went into a weeeee bit more depth with UMMPH and Power to make out jaws drop and scream...POW!!!! ~
Over-all....nice job ~
PLEASE DO NOT EDIT ANYTHING UNTIL AFTER JULIE HAS HAD A CHANCE TO REVIEW AND SCORE YOUR ENTRY :)
Thank you for sharing your talents,
good luck withm this entry Poet,
Bear ~
Title 9.1
Flow 9.2
Depth 9.4
Theme 9.4
Feelings 9.1
Grammar 8.4
Presentation 9.6
Uncommonness 9.8
Sit & Ponder Affect 8.7
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 92.7
Not bad !
:)
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Best of luck in the contest!
This is a great write. Best of luck in the exams also!
Write on!
*PEACE*
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Cool!
This is a great read, well done. Best of luck in the contest! -
Wow. i think this is amazing.
Good luck in the contest!
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