Desires long held secret
unfurl glorious revelation
to a heart that's grown close
just like a rosebud to sunshine
in spring mornings' embrace
Svelte emotions, so fluid to touch
hang delicately in the air
akin to the dew drops that glisten
on the petals of newfound love
Indulgent tenderness rests
within a humbled hearts cradle
testimony to the resilience
of a spirit seemingly afraid to fly
Overflowing with the scent of promise
trust once fickle and shattered
has the strength to test new wings
and a ruptured soul now cleansed
takes its first strides into life renewed
Author notes
Prompt: "sweet perfection"
In a list
A contest entry
- Sweet Perfection. by Poetryintheblood.
450 points, ended October 28, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Favorite Poems by Avatar of Innocence.
400 points, ended December 27, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Detailed critique welcome
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I don't know how I missed this one.....but I think it is now my favorite of yours....So sodt, I love the language and emotion....With your permission, I would love to use it as poem of the week for week # 7 of my series?????? Week after next..... May I????? Pleeeeeeeeeeease, Cuz??????
Lynda
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romance touching within memories growing from the heart where that sweet scent arises from a rose.
I did enjoy this my friend!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill
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It pains me to critique love poetry. Everything sounds like I've heard it before and I risk offending the author with my critiques of the poem, and not the object of the poem's inspiriation.
Here goes anyway:
The imagery in the simile: "just like a rosebud to sunshine" seems overused. If you wanted, you could improve it.
The third line of the second stanza seems too literal. There is no word-play or apparent imagery aside from what is being told.
The second and third line of the third stanza seems conflicted: "within a humbled hearts cradle/ testimony to the resilience" the second line seems to describe A cradle, but combined with the third and fourth line, the subject seems to be testimony. Please include some punctiation to guide the reader (me").
I did like the juxtaposition of scent and promise. Goody for you. What else is there to be said about the last stanza? Not much that will not warrant my death. So I'll be quiet now -
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I appreciate your honest appraisal, it helps to develop my writing style further. will replace it something else if you would prefer.
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Uh, will take time to ingest and digest. Will get back to this poem. I keep my promises, you can guarantee adequate critiquing.
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"Trust once fickle and shattered
has the strength to test new wings
and a ruptured soul now cleansed
takes it's first strides into life renewed."
This is a masterpiece.A chance to start life all over again. the trust has been built back up. Not being afraid finally to give life another try. Simply marvelous.
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Thank you for the wonderful comment, It is always a pleasure to know that my work is enjoyed by other poets. This practically wrote itself with such a great prompt to kick-start from.
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well done congrats on gold
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such beauty shines within your heart well done and many blessings always xxxxx
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A+
One of the best poems I have ever read. Your mastery of vocabulary is incredible.
I would also like to know what you felt when you wrote the poem, because for some reason I find it difficult to tell when I read it.
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Thank you for your beautifully precious entry, Josephine
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