I was in the pool
the hand painted dragon laying on the bottom of it
my feet tip-toeing as I walk along
i smile and my lips are wet, along with my eye lashes and hair
my whole body is dripping in water that is landing in a pool of more
everything is clear, and the hot sunny day is great as it hits my back
there is no sense in humidity on a day like this
i play with the other children, cousins and sisters
then it is time for lunch according to...i can't remember
so i tip-toe in a fast hopping pace
all my way back to the stairs where i climb out
shivering i rush to warmth but find none
then my great grandmother pulls a towel around my neck
she lets it cover my whole body, head to toes
i was little then
and, she wraps it around the front tucking in the edge, so it would hold up
she picks me up by my bottom, my feet swinging in the cold air
and sits me down on her lap nearby the pool
she rubs my body, as if i was shaking off the cold like a dog
massaging my back wither her finger nails, my eyes become heavy
in her arms i feel the trust to be tired
so i lay back enjoying this moment with grandma
for, i haven't seen her in a while
i sit there soaking my wetness through the towel onto her dress
but, she doesn't mind
and i fall asleep under the hot sun, now hitting my legs
and two weeks later when it seems i woke up from this sadness
i came to realise it was true
that she had passed away
A contest entry
- Never Forget, Never Let Go by trista.
450 points, ended November 30, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I read the rules.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Oh, what a warm and wonderful memory to have of your great grandma!
Sometimes even the simplest of memories, even a flash of one when we are young, can bring back a sense of well-being and that feeling of being loved and well cared for. I really like your memory, told with an almost child-like innocence.
There are quite a few grammar issues in this, not including the use of "i" without capping it. (Personally, I always like to see the "I" capped, but I know it is a matter of personal style) I'd really love to see a bit more punctuation, especially periods since there is no capping of words anywhere. Capped letters and punctuation help guide the reader through your thoughts and help pace the poem, also give it a better flow...but again, I know it is a matter of personal preference. Poetically, this is not my favorite style of writing because it reads so much like prose and has a lot of "filler words" in it, but the way it is written makes me think it has the potential to make a truly wonderful non-fiction short story. There is so much emotion that can be drawn from such a beautiful memory. One line in particular really stood out to me:
"in her arms i feel the trust to be tired"
That one line alone says so much to me about what a special woman your great-grandma must have been. I can think of only a handful of people I felt that way about when I was a child, but those I did were the ones who meant (and still do mean) the most to me.
Thank you so much for sharing this personal and beautiufl memory in the contest, and good luck to you. It is one of the sweetest memories I have read.
Best wishes,
~J.
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aaww so sad...but at least you have a warm memory of her Great write
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this is sad but really good she didnt really pass away i liked your grandma
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yes she did, it was my great grandmother the grandma you knows mom.
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omg thats soo sad =[
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