barren bloom

“You’re beautiful.”, says she,  “I wish I could paint your picture”.
He wishes on an iris star that he could kiss her…to God he could kiss her
As wide verdant windows search his reflection in a vintage framed looking glass

That first wish of his had a fraternal twin, resembling a desperate dash to the door
Getting conveniently lost in that South Street multitude
just as desperately, wished his testicles owned the blind fortitude
Required for issuing heartless and senseless invectives
Maybe then she’d regret she ever loved him
And perhaps even force herself to forget.

Instead he just stands there… blushin with a smile in his eyes
Visibly moved by her words say the mirror
Ever likely the same look that stole her heart in the first place

His heart wants all distractions, everything and everyone to go away…
To disappear… just for a moment, so that once…just once
He can experience the authentic him and her, absent of outside influence
But that’s not reality huh?

His mind thanks God for the crowd,
And her best friend roomate,
Tripling as a chaperone, craftin a tricycle out of…
What should’ve been a… binary operation
It doesn’t help that her name is sarah

In between conversation his thoughts are on toggle
In an effort to cross-hair the initial clues
Which moment, of many, should have activated the light bulb?
You fuckin idiot…can’t you see this girl’s in love with you?

But, when?
When should I have seen the signs?

Could it have been a mere couple of hours ago
Durin those three delicate minutes in a quickie mart parkin lot
She studies the inscription on his left hand held in her own
To softly salute with a kiss the “I am”.
No woman had ever kissed his hand so tenderly…
…Said she loved my tattoo

No…before…

Or maybe it was that night she damn near stuck her head out the window …
Screamin, “…ride or die chic” at the summit of her lungs as we cornered 8th and Allegheny
Altogether awkward with stub toed cadence and off-key…the first time she’d ever heard the song
But irresistible as she sung those 4 key words with so much spirit…a loud promise
In a tune she didn’t know, in a place she didn’t belong
Maybe, that’s when he knew…that he loved her

Then there was that one drive to the city
When she leaned in a little closer than her custom
Offerin an unsolicited ever so subtle explanation
Almost with a sarcastic giggle, but nervous a little
“Its not like I’m tryin to jump your bones or anything
Just wanna make sure I can hear you”… mischief is in her smile
He just laughs…knowin he hadn’t sent any strange looks,
Tryin not to read too much
“It’s all good…I aint say nothin”
That rose she gave had cause to envy the flush in her face

Nah…sooner

Perhaps it was the way she looked at him on those late night walks in north Philly
Surrounded by kids, he acts silly, to keep the mood light and energy high
While the dregs of night life they passed by
Pruned faces sample drags of crack pipe
It was sad that young faces didn’t have to ask why
But this wasn’t her home and he saw compassion alive
In her sage topaz eyes intermingled with flashes of pride…
He returned

And yet prior to that…
Like when she asked if she could join his mission while thinly stretched on her own
Or when she broke with her boyfriend citing irreconcilable differences…
He should have known all along
Wee hour conversations…her Omnipresent adoration…how cute was his charm
It must have been an inadvertent specialty.
She never waxed slack in sayin so
He should have known all along
The way her eyes held his

But no…it was that afternoon at the end of summer
The campus startin to buzz again
He walks down the steps of his dorm
And hears his name in welcome tone
His eyes shift to the window of an upper room
Recognition ain’t slow

Within moments she’s skippin around the corner
Nimble on her feet… runnin to me
Tossin her arms around his neck, tight as a neck-tie
Like he was back from the dead, but just for a minute to say good-bye.
That’s when he knew.

If he didn’t know then, he was certain when
She placed that single red rose
In the same hand she kissed a couple of hours before
YES!! She loves me!
DAMNIT!! She loves me…
How could he have let this happen?
Why did she dare to hope?
Likely she grew up under the same delusions as most little girls
Love conquers all.

Perhaps she thought her folks would welcome him with a beer and three cheers of honor
Cause his skin was a little less like the night and curls not quite so tight as the former
But he couldn’t see it…nor would he make any attempts to force acceptance or win over
Gamblin on the hope that they’d eventually come around
Bringin children into a world where their own grandparents didn’t approve due to melanin count
Tellin himself, “Hey they may hate me, but they’ll learn to love my kids”.
Fuck that.
He wouldn’t have any parts of it
How could he join with a union such as this,
Knowin that he’d be a source of contention within a family formerly close knit?
No, he wouldn’t be the line between a father and his daughter.
And yet neither could he say that he didn’t love her.
But admission was misery


That rose was carried home with all the care attended to a new born
He placed it in his favorite bottle of green tea filled with water to the yin/yang lizards
And carefully followed the instructions on the package of plant food
The window sill was its new haunt where it could consume as much sunlight as any rose could want
And I spoke to its petals everyday…sometimes with melody in my sound
Though often speechless the bloom left me.

I wanted her to live forever.
As she withered, hung her upside down from the blinds
So I could again place her in my favorite bottle… empty this time
No living water to extend its stay as it stood in the shadow of my shelf,
To remember by contrast how alive our love was.