My life is full of misery
and constant disarray
and nothing ever seems
to go along my way
I've taken steps that led nowhere
and fallen on my face
I have no path to follow
no foundation and no base
I've set many goals
yet none have I achieved
yet a voice inside
my head keeps saying
"have faith and just believe"
I thought of giving up on life
leaving this cruel earth
but death is not the answer
I'll take life for what it's worth
For looking back upon my past
no one is to blame
but me, myself and I
for not succeeding in life's game
I pray for help from heaven above
to make it through each day
as I strive to reach my wildest dreams
and face what comes my way.
God, lead me to salvation
and I swear I'll hang on tight
I'll show you I'm a winner
who won't give up this fight
So please Dear Lord I beg of you
to keep my head held high
as I travel on life's journey...
just me, myself and I.
Author notes
I would love to be the registered Rhymer for Olivia33
A contest entry
- Give Me God by Stars of Hope.
600 points, ended November 23, 2007, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything by Luna Darling.
750 points, ended December 16, 2007, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Looking to be impressed... by ellipsist.
1100 points, ended November 23, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write Mania for all! Give me your favorites! by Salt Therapy.
375 points, ended December 28, 2007, 80 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Cheer me Up by Hope Angel.
425 points, ended January 20, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - OPTIONS!!!!!!!!! AND PREWRITES!!!!!!! by Ale E.
600 points, ended March 22, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 10 options for the creative poet (3) by bananasfoster42.
700 points, ended June 17, 2008, 34 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP's Best Prewrites by lowercase prelude.
800 points, ended July 22, 2008, 75 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Am Choosing My Cabinet Members by Olivias Violin.
575 points, ended November 5, 2008, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bring Me Your Gold by piccola.
900 points, ended December 1, 2008, 3 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I want readers to give me honest feedback and any suggestions you may have.
Comments
1 - 50 of 50
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No one is to blame but me, myself and I. Its easy to pass blame but you have accepted it and asked GOd to help. that's a great step many of us dont take!!!!!
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Nice rhyme and flow. I'm happy that despite the bad things you desire to cling to life.
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Great poem!
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excellent flow and i think this is something alot of people can relate to
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this is wonderful!! nice flow. it's true, most times all we have to blame for our own failures is ourselves, but we must keep moving forward!
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Wow this was really a great peom. I really did like this. This peom had a really good flow to it as well. Nice write overall.
Thank you for entering my contest. I wish you the best of luck.
ale xox
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I am sooo glad you liked my poem. Every word spoken in this poem was spoken truthfully and I am a person who "won't give up this fight" I appreciate you reading my entry in your contest and for commenting. I hope you have a good day, Ale E
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the flow is fantastic and it really takes the person reading out of themselves and into what you are saying and feeling...the human condition...i like how you take responsibility. nice job! ahah, now i have comment on one of your poems for sure!
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Hey, I see you liked my poem. That's great. It was nice to hear from you. Yes, now we can say for sure your name is on one of my pieces lol. Hope you have a great day. Message me anytime.
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This is a wonderful write, and congratulations on your trophies that you have won on this piece. I hope it does well in this contest as well.
Kelli -
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Thank you for being so kind with your words. I really put alot of thought into this one, and once I started writing, the words just came quickly
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This was really good! I loved it! Very inspirational!
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a wonderful tone and message of hope... the rhyme scheme feels just a tad bit forced in places, not as natural a flow as it could possess & there is also some unnecessary repetition, I feel, other than that, I've no qualms...
thanks for the entry, best of luck!
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Hoodwinked
So true for most of us, if we admit it to ourselves. Progression is the point. Line thirteen takes hope and faith. But it is determination to win in the end that gets us through the trials we go through. I enjoyed your insight and the beautiful flow of this write.
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HOODWINKED!
sorry that i am a bit late, i was away for thanksgiving.
i love how you had so many feelings to express and you did it so elegantly!
LXF
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Hood-Winked!
This is very deserving of the trophy! I really like that you have ended this poem with a message of strength... I wish you the best in life, and here on AllPoetry
- your rhyming is remarkable and I look forward to reading more from you. This reminds me of my favorite Aesop moral 'God helps those who help themselves'...
Keep writing
Polly
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Hoodwink!!!
Wow, very impressive win in the contest! Congrats!
I agree with Lilac - your poem shows the strength you have. I believe your relationship with God is one that will always see you through the toughter, bad times.
I loved the musical quality of your poem, and the capped letters didn't really bother me because you used punctuation to guide the reader. That is very important to do, IMO, when you do cap every line, so I'm glad to see your punctuation is excellently done. I do think it generally reads and presents better on the page if it's not done that way, but even I do it at times. The only thing I might suggest is having a short pause in your last line, something like, "As I travel on life's journey...just me, myself and I." It is just a suggestion, one I think might put a bit more emphasis on the "me, myself, and I" part, but either way it is a beautifully written poem and well deserving of the gold.
Best wishes,
~J.
P.S. You have just been hoodwinked by a poetic bandit!
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Hood-Wink!
A great title that pulled me in to read this sad but creative piece
Btw you are a winner, and God knows you are...you didn't make the wrong decision to leave this earth, you stayed, and that's something that has gone right...it poves you are strong and capable of holding on, and most importantly through the rough times...God is walking with you, all the way
I found this poem to be engaging and very expressive, although I agree with the last commentor about the capitalisation on every line...In my own poetry I don't use commas an end stops, because my line breaks do the same work, it's not everyones choice but it works for me
Cogratulations on the gold... never stop writing
You have just been ambushed by a Poetc Bandit
All the very best...
~Lilac
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Hoodwinked
I too have to say that is is awesome that your received the gold when there was a massive amount of entire, congrats
At the beginning of this poem I thought it was going to be one of those woe is me poems because I tell ya, I know so many that have been in this position and felt someone owed them something but as I got deeper into it, I saw that you had strength and courage to fight no matter how the cards were stacked against you
The only sugesstion I would make here and I find myself making this same suggestion to many people every day is to NOT start every line with a capital letter as that makes one think that every line is a new sentence when it isn't. I think you will find that if you loose the caps if it isn't a new sentence your poem will not only flow smoother but look a lot neater also
Again, congrats on the gold, this was full of emotion and determination. be well and be blessed
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Hoodwinked
This is amazing and you received a gold out of 99 entires. That is absolutely fabulous. It is quite an achievement. We all have to keep hanging on and hoping for the best. -
Hoodwinked!
I actually like this one a lot, i'm not sure why, but i do. I particularly like how you ended the it with that very last couplet rhyming 'held high' with 'me myself and i'. Nice.
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You have Been Hoodwinked!
this has great rhyme and assonance in this beautifull written lyrical poem. I love it! I really do!
Love & light
Debbera
You Have Benn Hoodwinked by The Poetic Bandits!
Have a wonderful day!
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wow great write and congrats on gold
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WOW....
OMG! This is brilliant! It's exactly how I feel and even some of what I've faced is found in underlying truths within the lines! Great Great Job! Really! This is excellent!
Luv ya oodles!
Courtney
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Hoodwinked
This is excellent .
The rhyming is tight and the metre constant.
A heart felt poem indeed.
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Aww how nice of you to say that. I wasn't quite sure of my self on this one, it was one of my first ever poems i wrote. Thank you for taking the time to read my poems and look forward to reading yours
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HOODWINKED !!!
This is an inspirational poem of determination and survival. God does watch over His children and will see you through to better days. Good solid poem with strong rhyme and meter. Well Done
You have been Hoodwinked today by the Poetic Bandits because WE CARE!
Dennis
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I really thank you for your comment. Any input is appreciated. Take care. God bless.
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Hoodwink
Sometimes, we need our heavenly father to hold our head up for us... and we pray, and we pray, and we pray, and nothing seems to work... but remember he is there.
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forgot the clappy!
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HOOD-WINKED!
This was great.
And you chose right because we mustn't give in to death.
we must hang on tight with Jesus on our side for He is the one that has us in His hand and He will give you salvation and lead you to the right path.
Great.
..Simply Me♥ -
HOOD-WINK!!!
Some fall more often than others, but the right thing to do is always to get up again. Nice poem, well written.
You've been hoodwinked by a Poetic Bandit.
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That was very nicely done. I love this one. Life is a journey that at times is hard to travel. I loved the way it flowed. Thanks for the read.
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Deep
Gosh this is really really great! The rhyme and flow are excellent and the meaning in the words are so powerful! Keep your head held high and know you CAN get through all this. I am here for youmany blessings to you!
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beautifully written...you have a great flow to your poetry...keep writing!
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this poem flowed beautifully. i liked it a lot.
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One thing I've notice about your poetry is that you have a gift for rhyme. Even in such a serious poem, where most would abandon a rhyme sceme, you thrive on it! And best of all, it never seems forced. The words flow freely from you and flow easily for the reader as well! Absolutely beautifully written, breathtaking piece! Definitely my favorite! I'm not a religious person and although there is reference to a higher power, it never... not even once... felt preachy. I only found one error as far as grammatical/spelling/punctuation:
dissaray----> disarray.
Other than that dear friend, well done. Kudos on this one.
~*DJ*~
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Wow, another really great write!
Awesome job!
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great
I really liked it...and I understand what your going through.If you need to talk I'm here,I've also been through the ED fight.
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good
i can understand where you are coming from and it just makes me understand even more the pain in your life, this is a good poem because the rhyming doesn't seem forced at all. good job! -
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i want you to know i am there for you too
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wow this was great! I loved reading your first poem here on AP, the rhyming was fab, and the wisdom in it was very easy to notice.. read.. and recognise.
Well done, Keep writing
Sleep-N
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This is as self disciplined as you can get, this is ver strong attitude and has got to be a winner in the end. Very good attempt!
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This is a good write,sometimes i am not into the religious such but i like it alot Keep writing!
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Inspirational piece, which is hard to do without coming across as preachy. My only suggestion is that the word is 'disarray'.
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a note
thanks for the reply -
a note
thanks for the reply!
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Very nice job. Keep your chin up........it's got to get better. It has to...or else i'm in really big trouble.
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You surely have a desire to be strong that seems to be fueled by the curiousity of "Just what can I do with my life?"
Im not part of the optimistic club, nor the faithable type, but I like how you don't just blindly think "God WILL make it all ok", and still have no have no want to give up.
And oh yeah, "Grea write".....gotta throw the cli'ched comment in there
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