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No Address

Watching,
as the
other
children
laughing,
jostling,
wait.

Sitting
on the
rock as
they line
up and go
away.


Wishing,
he had
an address,
a home.

So he too,
could line
up and
go to school
each day.

Author notes

POD
Theme: "Homeless"
Username: Islekine

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • trista gold member
    October 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I am not a fan of such short lines in poetry...often it reminds me of a grocery list when I first view it, instead of a poem. However...as Bear said, there is so much packed into a short write, with a strong message and a powerful kick to the heart, that I can't help but like this. The theme has been done, but you've brought a unique perspective to it that I much appreciate.

    A wonderful entry. Thanks so much for entering, and good luck!

    Best wishes,
    ~J.


    • islekine gold member
      October 27, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks so much for your honesty!

      I appreciate your comments. As you may have noticed....I am
      infamous for my "grocery list" poems. I guess it is my (or my muse's) style. Thanks again!! See you around.
      *PEACE*


  • Arkbear gold member
    October 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Very nice ~

    My first opinion of this entry....is that you left me wanting more.....However....you got your point across quickly and strongly ~

     

    I saw this write come to life before my eyes.....this is the sign of a Great writer ~

     

    I am not a Poet who can say that with a degree.....but I know good when I see it ~

     

    This tugged at my heartstrings and should be recognized for your insight to such a horric time in this world ~

     

    Shame on our President ~

     

    Proud of you.....it may not win in the scoring department.....but it won for Originality ~

     

    Let's see how it scored ~

     

    Bear ~

     

     

    Title   10

    Flow   9.8

    Depth   9.8

    Theme   10

    Feelings   10

    Grammar   9.8

    Presentation 10

    Uncommonness   10

    Sit & Ponder Affect   10

    Ability to follow Rules   10

    Bears Score:  99.4

    I'm impressed ~


    • islekine gold member
      October 27, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Mahalo Nui Loa!!

      It is a great honor for me, to get such a high score from you! I am totally stoked. Thanks again very much!
      *PEACE*


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    October 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    thank you very much for this entry into my contest for the homeless. it is appreciated more than you can possibly know. i am wishing you well in all your future writings and in this contest as well. viyanna rosemarie

    as per the contest rules i need you to add your author name to the bottom of your poem page as soon as possible. viyanna

  • TooRainbow silver member
    October 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Ouch! This punched me right in the chest! (clapping with my mouth open) Your tone moves from seemingly cheerful to a little uncertain to POW!Body-slammed-on the-pavement! Excellent message. Powerful write!! Good luck in the contest!
    Sheryl


    • islekine gold member
      October 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks.

      I am very close to this subject. It's very expensive to live here. We have a lot of homeless. It is easier to be homeless here than in the rest of the country. and hard to
      move anywhere.....enough! Thanks again!
      *PEACE*

1 - 7 of 7