but in the dusk
of my hair
your eyes broke
bluer
than an African dawn
A contest entry
- Prewrite Mania 3 by Celticmoon.
800 points, ended May 27, 2008, 49 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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Where previously I said the excessive lines may have detached themselves for me, is the opposite in this case. The structure of this really draws on the 'laziness' effect but still holds the reader captive. good luck
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I think I have reaad this five times now and I keep wanting to read it again and again. I can hear it echo already and it will through a good part of the day. Goodpoetry has that affect on me.
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stunning work... i am astonished by your pieces...
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beautiful! incredible imagery and power and brevity in these few lines! I am blown away!
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Just five lines and yet...
You have an amazing way to show moments and feelings.
Wonderful!
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I am stunned. Here, have my applause and
too
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I really can't believe that this didn't win.
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so sad... so sad.. I wish I had something better to say..
beautiful.
Leslie
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Great metaphor and such beauty.
A shade of blue to be remember forever.
Spellbinding
Thank you for entering! -
high five for you!
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I'm speechless. My mouth is open in awe, but there are no words. Simply awesome. The moments that fade, but the memories will always break us back open. Well done Nic.
~Lyrical
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holy hell woman
I know that shade of blue
will for the rest of my life
it's a killer
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One just got to love a woman for such a sharp observation - thank you...
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flashbulb poem. nicely done.
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Blue sun, such a lingering image, wonderful in so few words... so very well done...PK
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Thank you, PK - most appreciated, my friend
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Oh my goodness, I am surely glad I am not the one to have to judge this pwoerful pieces in this contest.... your poem strikes with an image I have of when I was in South America, on a lone walk into the plantain grove....and turning to see a young chief of the Guimi tribe seeking a soulful few moments of solitude as well... I turned, feeling someone looking at me and met ancient eyes peering through the dense foliage... I have never been more stunned or awed...it is a beautiful poignant sacred memory I will hold forever.
ty for reminding me
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I am just speechless. How can you write so beautifully, woman?!!! I just purely love you. I love your poetry. Just breathless, I am. Just breathless...
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Scenes from a safari!
having seen the african dawn,i can imagine the dusk...!This renders the night so futile.
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Magnificent my friend. 15 words from the heart of a true poet. I like the brevity of this. I am happy to have met you my friend.
Keep on inspiring us.
VIRGOAN
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Ah Nicolette . . . I have never read a poet who can pack so much in a few short lines . . . you completely astound me day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day after day . . . once again you have created beauty with a quill so soft that it is almost invisible . . . I bow to your South African skies and once again thank you for being here!!!!!
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How do you do that??? It's like you can tell an entire lifetime in fifteen words. I am so jealous lol.
This piece is absolutely breathtaking. The eyes and skies and blues work in harmony; the intermixing of anatomy and landscapes make the melody dance. Fantastic.
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Magnificence defined. Such beauty pours from your soul through your pen, my Sister. Good luck in the contest, Sweetie. Vlindertjie
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damn, you say so much with so few words. Lovellly.
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sigh...this is gorgeous.
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eyes and hands... yes
i think so too.... damn Nicci, this is just what i needed to read right now, in this the turning of midnight and the ache of it all comes around... and i really don't want to go upstairs again, alone...... and it feels... damn it feels......
like another dawn will come along and those ghosts.... ... yes
fingerless hands and pooling eyes
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Such a Beautiful picture you put before my eyes!
...Sighhh.
A Sumptuous Feathery Feast, Scribe!
~ Nicky♥
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this is so nice,just to envision the AFRICAN BEAUTY OF NATURE, GOOD LUCK..MM
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Breathless beauty in such brevity of metaphors..
I truly want to see that african dawn now...
Your elegance escapes me..
All the best in the contest hon
Much love & Many Blessings~
~Joy
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Oh the imagery in such short lines. You made my eyes well up, and that shows your ever climbing talent my dear. Why is it blue eyes that seem to catch our souls? Hugs my dear.
Blessed be,
Billie Jean
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holy pants!
I'd fall in love with those eyes, I tell ya
what beauty you have painted here dear friend
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And as I lose myself
emersed in your words...
I imagine
and see
beauty...
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Thank you, Mal...
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Thank you, bb...
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Excellent, fantastic, awe inspiring... Well done on yet another power packed short piece that showed the range of how far you can stretcha metaphor. Wonderful and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us in such a profound way.
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Thank you, my friend, you are most kind - this was a real quickie!
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