The mountain stands, face to the fore
It burns within it's icy core
To freeze the past within it's tomb
Though tradegy is coming soon.
As new warmth sweeps throughout the land
The canyon is no longer grand
Into the cold rock face it creeps
To shudder as it gently weeps.
From ice mount to grassy hill
Although the beauty is there still
No longer will it wear the crown
As snow and ice come crashing down.
A contest entry
- Twelve lines on or from this Mountain, by Lyndon.
1000 points, ended November 26, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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'it's icy core' => 'its icy core'. " ... the fore." ...Period, please.
'it's tomb' => 'its tomb'.
'tradegy' => 'tragedy'.
" longer grand." Period, please.
A theme of imminent global warming! I had not thought of that in the Himalayas but why not?
Your quatrains of pairs of rhymed couplets are pleasant.
Rhythmically, lines such as this one need a little careful scrutiny:
" From ice mount to grassy hill" to "From icy mount to grassy hill" now gives you a perfect iambic tetrameter which, I feel, you were aiming for, whether you knew the technical term or not.
Best wishes and thank you for entering this contest.
Lyndon of the Winklings.
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This aptly sums up the duality of the human experience in the mountains, so beautiful yet fierce.
One thing, do you mean 'icy' in the last verse?
Thanks... -
An excellent word picture
This is a really good poem. You have a beautiful rhyming scheme with excellent metre.
The imagery is outstanding.
Write on, Poet!
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AAAHHHH! Holy Crap!
Friggin' awesome! Fantastic rhythm, rhyme. It flowed beautifully and what a statement! Cuddo's my friend! Got anymore??
Monique
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