If rainbow's end could cry,
cascades of colours they'd shed.
Prisms of glorious light, would
be dancing inside your head.
If birds could sing in words,
delightful tunes would we hear.
Twilights chorus so musical,
and natures life crystal clear.
If a bubbling crest could talk,
as it crashed upon the sands.
The deepest secrets would be
revealed, ours to hold in our hands.
So much for us to hear and see,
Mother Nature continues to astound.
Surrounded by wonderful things,
alluring with her beauty all round,
Author notes
POD
Nature
A contest entry
- Poem of the Day ( 24 Hour Quickie ) by Arkbear.
500 points, ended October 27, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is fab...Your images are so clear.
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Man this is beautiful. So soothing and comforting. You have many talents in writing. Creative and graceful.
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Terrific piece of poetic artistry my fellow poet. I really enjoyed this piece. I love the way your colored the images in my mind. I think you chose wisely on your chosen vocabulary as well. Terrific job.
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Beauty and so lovely in metaphor and truth. Mother nature holds more beauty in one second the man has been able to in years.
This is very well done in flow and meter. Reads so smooth and comforting...so glad I stop by on this one.
Best to you!
Love
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This is absoutely gorgeous
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Very pretty ~
First off.....thank you for reviewing all of the entries again.....I do hope the other Poets are returning the favor :)
You are most kind ~
I found this entry with a beautiful rhyming scheme ~
Such a wonderful thing to alert our senses to nature as you have done ~
I am a little bit set back, as this Theme is alllllmost overdone....however....you have brought a freshness to it which flows so handsome and peaceful ~
I love the balance between *Show & Tell*....you did a great job.....so...let's see how it scores in my own opinion ~
I have to agree with Julie on many of her suggestions, therefore I shall not repeat them.....other than those things mentioned.....this write kept me reading....and to me...that's all that matters!
Bear ~
Title 9.7
Flow 9.6
Depth 9.2
Theme 8.8
Feelings 9.1
Grammar 9.8
Presentation 9.9
Uncommonness 8.8
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.1
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 94.0
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I loved the imagery and inclusion of sound in this poem. However, I noticed several other things before I could digest the poem itself...
"Creation's Secrets" for the title
The line break in L3 was awkward. I'd suggest either ommiting the comma or putting "would" at the beginning of the next line, even though I realize that makes the line lengths uneven. But in this case I personally would rather sacrifice form for flow.
L6..."delightful tunes would we hear" I'm curious as to why you didn't go for the more natural, "we would hear" order of words...???
"Twilight's Chorus"
"nature's life"
Lines 11 and 12 also broke at an awkward place...again, I think you sacrificed flow for form here.
Last line..." all round" I'd suggest "around".
You did a wonderful job of bringing the poem to a close, and the imagery here is definitely a strong point. The poem kept me interested all the way through - not easy to do with me in nature poems just because I've read so many. All in all, a very nice entry. Thanks so much and good luck!
Best wishes,
~J. -
Great imagery in this poem! You capture natures majesty well!! Good luck in the contest!
Sheryl -
Great write enjoyed it good luck in the contest
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Very nice write!
Best of luck in the contest!
*PEACE*
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