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Ashes Under the Sun

it's like a
spinning vortex,
an endless cycle
of untamed and
unwanted emotions

I can never defeat
the haunting demons,
the soft black rose
of life planted in
ashes and weeds,
hardly breaking soil
to face the day

and when the
sun shines through
it is perilously bright
and blinds my
teary, soot-filled eyes

 

today is clear and shining

but tomorrow rests

in shadows under my bed

 

I fear the woman

who may wake up there

when the sun bakes the sky

 

will she rise above the ashes

and face the world with

flashing smiles

and outstreached arms

 

or will she curse the day

and roll back under the

unforgiving earth to

dwell in pain and darkness

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Manic-depressive Personality Disorder (Bi-polar)

I find that when I'm depressed, I care very little about the world. When I'm manic, I care a bit more, but I am in such a blissful state that nothing really bothers me, even though I feel the underlaying depression. I feel the pain of my past, and it hurts, but I just bounce around and sing and dance until I don't notice it anymore. I honestly prefer to be depressed (and I really prefer the rare spells of normalcy). At least when I'm depressed I understand what I'm feeling and don't try to cover it up (unless I have to).
And my mom wonders why I won't take my meds...

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Comments


  • xNeonVertigoLipsx
    January 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    this was awesome

    ohhh how I understand how you feel! I loved your work, & the word placement, and descriptions here! Great Job!!!


  • Eire Go Brach
    November 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    well that was an interesting poem.
    I don't think I've read anything like this when it comes to being bipolar.
    I hate we have to fake ourselves around others so that they don't question anything. It drives me crazy when I have to pretend to prove to others I'm not crazy when really I am. Sometimes I hate myself for fooling everyone around me just so they won't ask me what's wrong with me.

  • Acidanthra
    October 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I loved the imagery in this piece, especially

    "the haunting demons
    the soft black rose
    of life planted in
    ashes and weeds
    hardly breaking soil
    to face the day."

    That was absolutely my favorite stanza of them all. Beautiful work!!