Hands are tied above my head
My movements are restricted
You pick the whip up from my bed
So pain can be inflicted
Five times you lash across my back
The pain has made me scream
I love the force of your attack
I'm waiting for your cream
You've stopped me seeing with a hood
Your plans I cannot see
Although it's clearly understood
The plans are all for me
My arse is stung by a firey line
From the riding crop you swing
Nipples throbbing feeling fine
Loving the pain you bring
The wicked pads of the tens machine
I feel on my body, firm
And soon I'll writhe as you move the dial
You love to watch me squirm
You fill each holes with toys of pleasure
Then with each electric shock
I get sensations you cannot measure
I get a little bit more cock
You've filled up all my cavities
And said to do as I'm told
You've pandered to all my depravities
And threatened that I'll be sold
You pinch my nipples and squeeze them tight
I bite you on your knob
I know you want to see me fight
Then hurt me 'til I sob
You are my master, make me see
Please master stretch me wide
I'll learn the lessons that you teach me
With more of you inside
Upon my back you lay me down
And then stretch out each leg
I cannot see if you smile or frown
Oh fill me now I beg
Now my holes you've emptied out
No toys to stretch me wide
And then in joy I have to shout
As you force your hand inside
In and out you hand fills me
With pleasure and pain and dread
You’ve blown my mind I'll never be free
I've let you inside of my head
From your fisting I've no refuge
My body is in spasm
And from my holes there's a deluge
As you pleasure my aching chasm
Author notes
Following a comment from slipperssun took me to this poem . Which I found hugely erotic and made me want to re-write it myself.
I claim no credit for the story, or the structure which I hope follow the original closely. Great thanks to Slipperssun for allowing, indeed encouraging me to post this. I hope you enjoy it, and the original.
In a list
Please comment below. Spelling or rhyming or scanning corrections welcome.
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This would be...
one of those times I need to fan my face. Very good!
"Loving the pain you bring" <--- that right there... says it all, and exquisitely so.
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Thank-you for your very kind comments
Did you read the original from which it was re-written?
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I have now, thank you. Now I must go either write something erotic.. or do some vigorous yard work!
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Spank me wild with your pleasures! lol, Steamie indeed and so well written! ~Sie
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no need to thank me at all... i just loved what you done with it and it needed to be shared... as i told you before you posted, this is brilliant. i love the way the reader gets hot and horny whilst reading through it... well done i think its a great improvement on mine...
Cheers
Jen
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This was ver,very good. Keep up the great work.
Amber
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I'll learnt ( learn) the lessons that you teach me
Also, for the meter I would change that line to:
I'll learn the lessons that you teach
It works better that way.
You’ve blown my mind I'll never be free
Of your control inside my head
I have a little meter issue with the last two lines of that stanza. I would have changed the last line to something like:
Of you inside my head
That might work a little bit better.
Other than that it was lovely and the story was written down well in poetic form. Your rhyming never seems forced and I enjoyed that. I saw the scene play out and when you manage to do that, you have accomplished what you set out to do.
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Thank you very much, I corrected the typo you found, and another you missed!
I have altered that stanza a bit, see what you think now.
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Wow
Oh damn is this ever so hot, thank you slipperssun for encouraging him to do this, I love it dear friend, and am glad I could read it.
Riftkin
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I have no real idea why but the original rather got me going so I wanted to have a go at writing it.
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