lifes a bitch aint it,
dont seem to go right sometimes?
well im sorry you can't have it both ways m'dear,
well what am i saying, you didnt get it anyway.
makes me laugh, makes me smile
sadistic pleasures all the while,
soft as hell, i may always seem,
but you saw the venom, shame...
oh well, theres another hope thats never coming
chance's gone, lost in the big wide world
broken dreams, and spliting minds
your liveing proof of my lost trials
another break, to add to last,
... you saw my venom.. but it'll pass
you tried to play mind games, hey worked for a while
sucked me back in a bit,got me a little soft
played them too long though didnt you,
so i played the back, i learned from the best.
you taught me too well,
not intentionally though,
shouldnt have played for so long,
you'll never get to play them again
and oh what a shame...that you saw my venom
hmm, amusing...
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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amasing
broken dreams, and spliting minds, you tried to play mind games, so i played the back, i learned from the best. those are my favorite lines and this poem is so true i cant tell you to do anything better because this poem was the best
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this is dark and enchanting, sort of gentle as it stabs you. i love the irony and pain, the clear emotions. im not sure it flows perfectly for my tastes, but as a person already said, it may just be your style, and it does indeed attract the eye to certain parts. all in all this was a pretty good write, i enjoyed it til the end.
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wow...
I love the hostility in this, its kinda weird how somtimes it rymths and other times it dosent but that might be your style cuz it made me notice certain words
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Stanza five, line one has a tpo.
Stanza five line four has one too.
Very Nice!
The sentence structure is short and witty, a fresh relief from some of those monotone, drag me through the dirt poems I get so tired of reading.
You also keep the poem united with the sassy backlash of smack talk the whole way through, and the repitivity of "My venom" works in the end because you give it that oh what a shame, piece to set a different tone.
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wow
Your so down to earth and thats so cool
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I like the down to earth honest emotions in this piece. The rough grammar made it a little hard on the flow but overall I enjoyed it.
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to great I really like the second verse nice poem.
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I like the honesty and from-the-heart attitude that comes across from this. The only thing I could suggest is working out some of the rhythm of the poem. It seemed a little "start-stop"-ish to me, but otherwise a great job.
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o this is good i like it alot its really open and shows real talent
good job love it
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Interesting write...I'm not sure if the wording is correct in certain places, but I like what your explaining here. it is true. I like this write over all. good job.
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sadistic pleasures all the while
that was good.
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Life can incite much anger in mankind. I agree with your view. The problem I see with the poem, which is very distracting, are the spelling mistakes and some grammar. I can't enjoy a poem when it has so many distractions. Shancy.
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i see this happening time and time again many play mind games.
my friends are victim at the moment x -
I like this, for some reason it just reads very well and easily falls into the next line. However, there are some parts that I felt a bit ackward.
makes me laugh, makes me smile
sadistic pleasures all the while,
soft as hell, i may always seem,
but you saw the venom, shame...
The first two lines of this are good, but I think if you're going to make a stanza rhyme it should be a little more consistent. The last line would work better if it rhymed with something else.
Otherwise this is a really good write, congrats. -
fabulous
excellent
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