Subtle Radiance

Fragile now as we embark,
flying quick from a room so dark.
Stronger will the bond become;
Sink deeper and succumb.

Things of bright and dim

dance around at a whim.

Fear grips, its hand so cold,

as horror springs from a place untold.

Abruptly does the journey end,

as night's chill aids to mend

what terror in the heart remains.

Uttered now is a sigh of disdain.

Author notes

*POD*
Theme: Power of the Mind
Subject: Sleeping and Dreaming

A contest entry

Poem of the Day ( 24 Hour Quickie ) by Arkbear. 500 points, ended October 27, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Comments

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
trista
October 27, 2007

Edit | Reply

Well...unlike Bear, I like rhyme just as much as free verse. I think rhyme carries more pitfalls with it though, and I'm happy to say...you did not fall into a single one. I loved the rhyming. I do think evening out the meter of this a tad bit would benefit it though, and make it flow just a bit better.

The theme/subject aren't most original, but I liked what you did with them. I'm a little torn on the title...on one hand, it's creative and different...on the other, I can think of others that might have fit the poem better. More of a personal preference, that. This lacks the same kind of power some of the other PO writes have shown, but is really very well written. I hope we will see you again in future contests. Thank you for your entry, and good luck.

Best wishes,
~J.
Arkbear
October 26, 2007

Edit | Reply

Not bad Poet ~

Your rhyming sheme is well noted, as I am not a fan....but you did well with this one ~

I do wish you had taken advantage of all your lines, and given us an impact that made us go...WOW!!!!

I do believe this is what will hinder your score the most....as all the other parts of it are pretty darn good ~

I would suggest giving us some UMMPH next time....as I don't think I could scream POD and release 500 points to you for this entry......but Julie is coming behind me with her review as well....so therefore.....NO EDITING WHATSOEVER until she has had a chance to review it too ....of face DQ ~

Not a bad entry Poet.....I hope you join us again real soon with your talents ~

Let's see how it scored in my eyes,

Bear ~

Title   9.7

Flow   9.6

Depth   8.6

Theme   8.9

Feelings   9.1

Grammar   9.6

Presentation 9.8

Uncommonness   9.6

Sit & Ponder Affect   9.6

Ability to follow Rules   10

Bears Score:   94.5

Not bad!!
LadyDementia
October 26, 2007

Edit | Reply

Unique
A great interpretation of sleeping and dreaming. I have not read a poem on this subject before, well if I have I wasn't aware of it Very well penned, good luck in the POD.