Leaves whisper, lento, through the air;
Bright reds and golds with melting notes
Spilling from sforzando throats,
Accents of the summer's despair.
Bald limbs croon a soft soprano,
Stretching solos towards the sun.
Fall's first chills bite through piano,
Baring altos just begun.
The azure sky hums harmony
Legato blues subdue the song.
Staccato breeze trills repartee,
In bursts of music sharp and strong.
Each voice sings antiphony,
With sharps and flats and pitches all,
Across the vivid staff of Fall.
Autumn sounds in symphony.
Author notes
Just a small poem about autumn's musicality. Hope it speaks to you. Please be brutal; it's a work in progress!
A contest entry
- Poem of the Day ( 24 Hour Quickie ) by Arkbear.
500 points, ended October 27, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Electrify the Autumnal Spirit Within by FunnelWaxFate.
900 points, ended November 16, 2007, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Awkward parts? Poor rhymes? Off rhythms? Things you'd change?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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HOOD-WINK!!!
I just love your Autumn Symphony. We're in the middle of it right now and I'm surrounded by Autumn's music. Roaring wind in top of trees, staccato drops of rain on the roof and the nice snoring sound of a wood stove.
Lovely write and so deserving the trophies.
~Titia~
You've been Hoodwinked by a Poetic Bandit.
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This is a wonderful write. Your imagery and word colorings are outstanding. Always interesting to see the use of uncommon words. Have to admit, you expanded my vocabulary with this one.
Only thing that struck me to a very minor extent, the rhythm seemed to go off just a bit in the last verse, especially from the 2nd to 3rd line.
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This is very well done ...
but this line seems to be syllable short:
Accents of the summer's despair. It also doesn't seem to work as well reading it as the other lines do. I am not sure just how you would go about fixing that, but it is the one awkward note in the whole poem, so perhaps you might want to take another look at it.
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Absolutely phenomenal! A grand write. The rhyme scheme is superior, the flow splendid, and the wording masterful. This write is all too vivid with its glorious imagery, resounding blend of acoustics that thrills the reader acutely. Absolutely glorious. That last stanza was amazing, a grand finish, I especially adored the line, “Across the vivid staff of Fall”. The tone of this write is so eloquent and exciting, exhilarating. The poetic genius of this piece is incredible, so well placed and worded to create this wonderful scene. Very well done!!
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Lovely flow and poetic words of a beautiful seans.
Captivating and well done.
Thank you for entering! -
Grrrr...AP just lost my entire comment.
Let's see if I can recreate it... 
Considering I just yesterday wrote a poem with each line starting in cap letters and without punctuation, I probably don't have much room to comment on that part of your write.
However...normally I'd say it's a no-no. I thought this had a wonderful rhythm though, so it was not really a huge deal to me.
This is written so musically, it is almost like a symphony in itself. Beautiful imagery, and just enough metaphor to give it a focus.
I noted some very subtle alliteration here as well. Not sure if it was intended or not, but I liked it. It wasn't overdone, could have been enhanced a bit more, but I'd rather see it understated than too obvious.
Very little here to critique IMO. Thank you for a lovely entry and good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
~J. -
Very, very nice entry ~
There are a few things which I would like to bring to your attention....such as CAPPING each line ~
Beginning two of your lines with the word..*With*
Beautiful rhyming scheme....well done !
I know each line could be set as stone, to be its' own statement....but the more I read this, the more natural it was for my tongue to flow to the next line....hooping a *comma* would be there....but there was none.....not even a period ~
If this is a Form of such, it should have been place in your 'AN ~
I get ( 8 ) syllables in most of your lines.....and then there are some 6's & 7's....but not sure if this is a Sonnet of some sort ~
The Theme is soooo lovely ~
Imagery is Allllll most over-done....but you did it so softly, that any other Reader will not critique it as I am doing ~
The sounds and smel of the season pour out of this write.....I really liked it.....just a bit too much in the *SHOW* department, and not a balnce of *Tell*.......but really not too bad at all......your balance was right on the border !
:)
Your take on the world of music in harmony with earth is so beautiful ~
Let's see how it scored in my eyes,
good luck with this entry Poet....and welcome to the POD contest!
Love to see your talents stay with us and present your magical Quill as much as possible ~
Next time, do not forget to place the POD in your 'AN....as you just lost a whole point for this ~
PLEASE DO NOT EDIT ANYTHING, UNTIL AFTER JULIE HAS HAD A CHANCE TO REVIEW THIS FINE WORK....OR FACE DQ ~
Bear ~
Title 9.9
Flow 9.8
Depth 10
Theme 10
Feelings 10
Grammar 9.6
Presentation 9.9
Uncommonness 9.4
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.1
Ability to follow Rules 9
Bears Score: 96.7
A very nice score Poet!
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BRAVO!!
If this was my contest, I'd give you the gold! How poetic! This is just brilliantly crafted--perfect meter and rhyme; your imagery is three-dimensional: I can see, hear, and feel every detail; charged with emotion! FANTASTIC!! (I want to remove my entry and slink away in shame. What was I thinking?) Wish I could applaud this ten times. Publish it!
Sheryl
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Great
Very good imagery, why no punctuation? Only asking as I am still pretty new to this and am not aware of all formed poetry yet. It is a great write, showing imagery wonderfully. A great Autumn poem. Best of luck in the contest! -
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I tend not to use punctuation for two reasons. Primarily, I just am unsure how much to use it in a poem. I'm quite proficient with punctuation in prose, but I just don't have a feel for it in poetry. Also, with rhyming poetry the rhythm tends to be so clear already. I know free verse writers use a good deal of punctuation; it helps mark the beat better. However rhyming poetry has (or at least should have) a natural rhythm that doesn't necessarily need markers. Where would you recommend punctuating?
Thanks for your honest comments
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I'm a punctuation user, myself. However, it seemed to me that you didn't use it in this piece on purpose. As you say, your phrases flow naturally without need of "markers". Additionally, I feel that letting each line stand alone, but blend into the next, reinforces your symphony theme. It's part of what makes me able to hear each 'instrument' as it makes its entrance while still being able to pick out the sustained chords of those that were already playing in my head. What do you think?
Sheryl
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