Look deep into my eyes
See the darkness that lies within
Hold me now I'm falling
Weighed down by all my sins
But maybe you should just let go
As you’re falling faster than even I
Is it time for me to watch you fall
With only a silent goodbye
Now more than ever I’m scared
To gaze back into your eyes
I cannot bare to watch
As your innocence slowly dies
Hold me through the night
Until our judgment day
Our sins together can weigh us down
And our tears shall guide the way
And when we come to heavens gates
Or wherever our paths may lead
We will always be together,
I’ll give anything for this
Even if that thing is me
Author notes
im going for option 3, once again not fully sure if its suited, but this is i beleive the first contest for this poem, and i at least want to try
A contest entry
- Back N Black by Poetic Obscenity.
550 points, ended July 15, 2008, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Amazingagorium! Almost Anything Goes. by wonderbandalice.
375 points, ended July 23, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Very interesting poem. Heavy, a little. Too many "and"'s ... powerful, but again I think you should work on your meter and flow.
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I liked it because...
It had sort of a mystery. It made me feel all... warm inside
Thats creepy cam... you made me feel warm inside
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i liked it it sota scared me i don't know why
i liked it but it's a little spooky i have no idea maybe it's just the back ground any way good poem -
The second line of the second stanza is a bit awkward, but other than that it makes the reader feel a lot of emotion, but I think that it could be written better.
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Very well written poem, I like the hopeless feeling this gives me.
Good luck in the contest.
All the best
~T.S~
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Maybe because I am a loner but I think of a girl looking into a mirror and basically having a conversation with herself. A very sad conversation but tender because she seems to be trying to love herself. But, it can also be about a passionate relationship between two people.
Nice poem. Love the flow of it too.
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Romance , sacrifice a poetic romeo and juliet
innocence and yet the knowledge of pleasure
the creation of a fire
stimulating well written I can relate if only in a dream
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Aw. I don't care if it fully fits because this is such an amazing piece. Wonderful delivery of thought and idea. Thank you and good luck.
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i love the rythem and flow...it's like i can just imagine a beat for it
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Aww,you used my suggestion about the title....
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I think the title should be "Fallen Angel:
Perfect piece!
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and
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nice. very nice rhyming. great poem.
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