Tonight,
dancing our
deja vu dreams
your mask
of cold contempt
showed far less mercy
than usual my darling.
I felt
your furious
wrath
bite hard
on each
nipple
until blood
trickled
through my laced gown
leaving
stark crimson trails
across exposed
heaving breasts
as your bitter
not sweet
sadistic words
which you threw
with
well practised ease
stung into my flesh
[just as you knew they would.]
like a thousand
diamond cut needles
twisting for home
bone deep
I was still gasping
for breath
as you threw
my head back
before driving
your vicious
steel sword
up to the hilt
through my roughly
parted lips
to slice
a rapid
deep throat
wound
with your
rampant glory
before flooding
salted scenes
to choke
my already
constricted depths
...and forcing me
into silent submission.
you bastard.
Tonight.
I really wanted
to fuck your brains out.
Author notes
If I were a book do you know which shelf in the library you would find me on?
A contest entry
- Of truth, and Masks (PIF - Semi Quickie) by ParadoxFry.
700 points, ended October 27, 2007, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Are You Down? by Jagerlette.
600 points, ended November 9, 2007, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Come on I need more! Teen lets show who is the master at erotic (no one over 18) by loveaswellashate.
450 points, ended December 21, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - If you were a book, in which section of the library would I find you? by basilisk.
1800 points, ended June 15, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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This is from the section with the padlock on it?
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Indeed you captured the essence of the moment quite beautifully. Such eloquence to unravel the darkness, the spite and the anguish of that moment. Excellent use of metaphor, and the passionate descriptions evoke very vivid imagery. Such lovely hate and a feeling of being beautifully violated are gained in the reading of this one. Comedy and tragedy so clearly seen as two sides of the same coin. Bravo... fucking bravo.
until exhale,
Grimoire
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Well, the ending was unexpected.
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Indeed so.
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This is beautiful and the title just emphazizes that point. It is full a p[assion and emotion flowing through each verse, telll you got to the end , sorry its not really poetic.
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This is beautiful and the title just emphazizes that point. It is full a p[assion and emotion flowing through each verse, telll you got to the end , sorry its not really poetic.
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very talented, i love how you wrote this peice. you were very discriptive which helped form the illusion nicly. well done
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well i did say no blood... but... this poem is not really that detailed in it.. so i guess i will let it slide....
just please... read the rules next time!!
best of luck in the contest..
love behind bars28
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Wow!!!!!!
Amazing! I have no words... Well done! -
I loved this! It's erotic without actual sex being involved, in fact barely anything that is obviously sexual is in here and yet it's still hot as hell. Good luck in the contest!
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>.> Wow... thats good... I Likey ^_^ thanks for joining in! good luck in my contest..
Laters
Loves...*hugs* -
:O
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS AMAZING, ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!
I loved EVERYTHING about it, not only did you follow the rules but you used massive talent......great job and good luck in the contest!
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this was really really good!
i think you have alot of talent
and you certainly know how to use it.
thank you for entering.
♥ -
It packs quite an impact. The words explode within these bold lines. I really appreciate the way the erotic action is displayed, not vulgar in anyway, but certainly not to be mistaken. I will note that it only very loosely fits the theme here of a life lived as a prostitute. Blue
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quote for comment, message when fixed
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...damn....
VERY impressive, very cruel and harsh, but still beautifully written. kudos!
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Very Good and painful.
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Wow lots of emotion! Painful and sexxy! Good luck!
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an interesting poem with some strange and vivid images, lol... nicely done, thank you for sharing and good luck in your contests
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Holy crap!
I don’t usually do erotic poetry, but… Wow!
I don’t have a lot to criticize here, in the third stanza, the line breaks give it a really choppy feel, which I ordinarily wouldn’t like… but in this case, it reminds me of ecstatic moans, or gasps, or trying to say anything at all while really concentrating on the act at hand… not to mention the effect of the percussiveness of it all. It’s like trying to say something through gritted teeth, while something keeps slamming into you. In which case, I might suggest adding another line break between “each” and “nipple”, leaving “nipple” on its own line, for added effect.
It’s a dirty little piece! But very cloak and dagger! Doesn’t really come out and SAY anything until the very end, but you get the feeling of it the whole way through.
And I really like the angle of it… that really especially dirty, almost hateful spite sex (be it real, or play) with the slinging of dirty words, and foul insults egging on the whole thing. Extremely pornographic, a bit S&M.
It really, really appeals to me on a number of levels, and I totally love it.
Awesome work!
i'd be interested to know how the quote brought you here.
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Fuckin Amazing
"I felt
your furious
wrath
bite hard
on each nipple
until blood
trickled
through my laced gown
leaving
stark crimson trails
across exposed
heaving breasts"
Has to be one of the best lines I have ever read XD This is some serious shit right here I really like it. I don't know how to describe it though. I mean this is beauty in it's darkest form XD
Good luck in the contest man this is jaw droping for me XD
~Jagerlette *Kimber*
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this was really good. I must bookmark this!!!!!
excellent some hard sex
wow bleeding nipples
silent submission
wowbefore driving
your vicious
steel sword
into the hilt
through roughly
parted lips
maybe teeth would be better
but its still sexy
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What a simply delicious reply.
Wonderful. Superb.
Thankyou darling.
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this was really good. I must bookmark this!!!!!
excellent some hard sex
wow bleeding nipples
silent submission
wowbefore driving
your vicious
steel sword
into the hilt
through roughly
parted lips
maybe teeth would be better
but its still sexy
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these words were dynamic...
'like a thousand
diamond cut needles
twisting for home
bone deep'
this is excellent! the ending holds an unexpected twist. this couldn't have been any better
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Kind, kind comments.
Thankyou very much.
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very interesting and with much detail. good luck!
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I love this, i think this is a brilliant piece of writing, great imagery through out the piece, the last stanza very strong, you said it like you mean it, good luck in the contest.
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Oh yes indeed, as always I meant every word.
Thankyou for your wonderful comments.
Have a lovely day darling.
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:)
Brilliant poem!
Great images flood through
And the last few lines fit so perfect
good luck in my contest
From Jaz <3
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