Clouds cross my eyes salty rain begins to pour
Sliding down my cheeks hitting the ground
Puddles of sadness appearing around me
Drowning in defeat why did he leave
Pools of blood follow in his wake
As he drags the remains of my torn dying
Heart out of my bruised battered chest
His Smile filled with cruelty, red demon eyes
Bore into me as he begins to extinguish
My light, the very essence of me, my mind draws a blank
Stealing away my breath with stinging, slashing words
Hate echoes in my ears, he strips my soul bare
Ragging storming words roll off his tongue
Attacking me from the earth to the sky, lightening strikes
My legs begin to carry me safely away
Wishing to Escape this constant onslaught of evil
"You aren't worthy of love" shoots from his mouth
Flying through the air, an arrow taking flight
Piercing my flesh, with one final blow
I fall to the ground, pools of blood envelop me
Alone, cold, dying...dead.
Author notes
Give me
A contest entry
- Emotion Sickness: Lost in the Currents by PerfectImperfection.
600 points, ended November 4, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I WANT REAL EMOTION!!!! Cathartic writing - Open to everyone by theworldisquiethere.
650 points, ended November 8, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Broken Stories and Abnormal Cliches by Dirty and Broken.
2400 points, ended November 29, 2007, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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great imagery. beautiful piece.
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The ending was a little disappointing but the rest was beautifully worded and showed alot of creative imagery.
Nicely penned
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I feel that this poem was very well written. Very intense emotions involved here, and you expressed them so vividly. We can die in our lifetime a thousand times just by someone else's words. But to rise again makes us stronger each time.
Awesome job!! YAY! -
WOW!
Excellent imagery and such a heartbreaking poem,full of the rawest of emotions.
You did this very well!
I am here to tell all the woman commenting to this ..
YOU ARE WORTHY!!! DON'T LET THE LIER TELL YOU YOU AREN'T!
every woman deserves respect and worth!
I am just now finding this out myself but i am starting to realize i am worth so much more than i have been getting!
okay had my say and i really loved this even if it was so sad to read!
~Lisa~
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so much emotion, here...what a wonderful poem.
Thanks for sharing
e
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This is such a great piece of emotion. The imagery is filled with such a tremendous pain, of love denied - and then ripped apart. Intense expression throughout. Thank you so much for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!
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I agree with ears2hearyou - the imagery in this was amazing. You did an excellent job with this. I definitely felt the emotion in this. I don't know how others judge poetry, but emotion is the biggest part of my judging.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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I like this poem so very much. full of raw emotion.
I can relate to the first line among the ones that I picked:
"You aren't worthy of love" shoots from his mouth
Flying through the air, an arrow taking flight
Piercing my flesh, with one final blow
I fall to the ground, pools of blood envelop me
Alone, cold, dying...dead.
so many times I have heard those words, it nearly killed me.
great job
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bleeding imagery...you did this
poem well...you really pulled us in and we felt the
anguish and the pain! Good job, tight write too.
The wrestling turmoil you described very well. (I would
have kicked his ass-thrown him out the window and been
happy to pay the replacement costs for lowering my standards to think I loved him so)and then had a delicious bowl of rockyroad icecream!
great job dear poet, great job! wonderful imagery
you painted, the background works well too...Big
fan of your writes, you always inspire MUCH!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : ))
p.s. deviant art has lovely images you would enjoy that
are free for us to download.
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