A gentle touch, from soul to soul
Walking beside you, inside a dream
Wandering minstrels, never quite whole
Beauty beheld, reigning supreme
Walking beside you, inside a dream
Enraptured by spirit, but withered by waste
Beauty beheld, reigning supreme
Rising above the bound, bitter taste
Enraptured by spirit, but withered by waste
Seeking life meaning, in every smile
Rising above the bound, bitter taste
Forcing each footstep, mile by mile
Seeking life meaning, in every smile
One hand to wave, another to hold
Forcing each footstep, mile by mile
Making our own path, despite the cold
One hand to wave, another to hold
One says goodbye. The other, please stay
Making our own path, despite the cold
Occasionally even…losing our way
One says goodbye. The other, please stay
Seeing ourselves, for what we’ve become
Occasionally even losing our way
Awaiting a cure, from feeling so numb
Seeing ourselves, for what we’ve become
Wandering minstrels, never quite whole
Awaiting a cure, from feeling so numb
A gentle touch, from soul to soul
Author notes
Option 1
Pantoum
The pantoum consists of a series of quatrains rhyming ABAB in which the second and fourth lines
of a quatrain recur as the first and third lines in the succeeding quatrain; each quatrain introduces a
new second rhyme as BCBC, CDCD. The first line of the series recurs as the last line of the closing
quatrain, and third line of the poem recurs as the second line of the closing quatrain, rhyming ZAZA.
(from shadowpoetry.com)
A contest entry
- S IS FOR STRENGTH OF SPIRIT & SOULMATES on the way to Z by Blue Rew.
1710 points, ended October 26, 2007, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
-
your flow was perfect
and this poem is wonderful
-
First poem I've ever read by you. It is terrific.
-
Bandits United!
This Pantoum was so good to read, beautifully composed with a nice flow, rythm and rhyme...I found this piece quite touching...you have a magical way of drawing the reader into your words...the last stanza is my favourite
Congratulations on the well deserved gold
Your poetry friend ~Lilac
-
Bandits United!!!
this is beautiful. great rhythm. i love this form, it looks so pretty, makes reading enjoyable. i should try it some day. thank you for sharing. keep writing! God bless you sister!
-
Bandits United
Very good! I really enjoyed this poem. Thank you for it.
-
Bandits United!!!
This is a beautiful poem, and i really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece with us. Great job dear poet, and flawless rhyming. Keep it up.
Always write from the heart
Never give up
Kate
-
Bandits United!
An interesting form applied well. A deserved gold that gets double recognition from the Bandit Spotlight. Well done!
-
BANDITS UNITED!
Such a beautiful Pantoum Thumbs up on a 100% amazing write. Well desired the Gold congratulations. The rhyme was excellent. Your have great talent.
LISA
-
BANDITS UNITED!
Trista,
This is a beautiful Pantoum, rich with meaning, true to form and set with good emotional tone. The flow of the reoccurring lines is amazing and so is the rhyme! I sure see why this got the Gold trophy!
Write on dear Sister!
You have been Spotlighted by your Poetic Bandit Family today because WE CARE!
Brother Dennis
-
BANDITS UNITED: This is your day in the spotlight, enjoy. Lovely form you have used - great example of this poetic form as well. Easy to see why this took the top spot in the contest. Great flow, rhythm and rhyme. You make it look so easy, although those of us who try this, know it is not. Have a great day!
-
BANDITS UNITED
What a gorgeous pantoum, your skill in such beautiful forms is so evident in this poem. The search of oneself, within the cosmos of souls, a very meaningful poem.
-
BANDITS UNITED!
This is just beautiful I have attempted one of these did not turn out this lovely enjoy your day in the spotlight you deserve it much love always.
-
BANDITS UNITED!!!
Such a beautiful Pantoum you've written, certainly deserving the Gold. The flow is perfect and the rhyme too. Really enjoyed the read.
~Titia~
-
Bandits United!
Well no wonder this won a Gold trophy! It is a perfect example of a well-structured pantoum, and is a delight to read. I like the easy flow and the way it unravels to the climactic stanza.
Well done, dear Bandit! Enjoy your day to shine...
-
BANDITS UNITED!
A beautiful write and message. A skillfully crafted pantoum. Good imagery, flow, rhyme and tone. Lovely depth of feeling. Very nice rhythm. Congratulations on winning Gold. Well deserved.
-
Bandits United!
Wow
this is an amazing poem - I love the ease with which you used the form, and the content is beautifully crafted 
I can see why this is a gold winner! My favorite image was 'withered by waste' - perfect in my eyes (I love alliteration too 
) a wonderful read!
Keep writing
Polly
-
BANDITS UNITED
I loved the repetition, especially in the 5th and 6th. I didn't even notice the rhyming until I read the AN - your rhyming was good and the flow benefited from it. The sentiments were touching and I really enjoyed this. Cheers
-
Bandits United!
Extraordinary! A beautiful Pantoum poem, and exceptionally crafted. Excellent rhyme and rhythm...
Congrats on the gold! Well deserved!
Love & light
Debbera
-
Bandits United!
This is a masterfully written Pantoum with wonderful flow in the rhythm, rhyme and language. I found this story poignant, especially "One hand to wave, another to hold
One says goodbye. The other, please stay"
Congratulations on winning the gold!
-
BANDITS UNITED WOW
LOVED reading this pantoum! A sweet and tender adventure done so well by your fine penning, dear Poet. The enchantment of it is lovely. 
-
Very impressive and well-deserving of the Gold! I love the feel to this, great wording and such a lovely read!!
Much enjoyed this!
-
congrats on the gold, well deserved...\
im sure some day i might reach your level of conciseness and intelligence...a fine write
-
I'm impressed. No wonder this one gold. Your use of the repeating lines is amazing. Each line repeated takes on a new meaning when joined in a new stanza. It's hardly noticeable that the line is repeated.
What you say is most profound. I love the line a hand to wave; a hand to hold in both contexts. -
This is a wonderful write, well portrayed and you captured the essence of the form beautifully.I tried it once and I know how tough it is to mk the refrains non contrived.The flow in this was beautiful and so was the rhyming except for only the become and numb rhymes in the last stanza, the slant rhyme din't seem to fit in with the other perfect rhymes.Otherwise a wonderful write, well deserving of the gold.Best of luck
-
-
Thanks so much for the wonderful comment. Actually...numb and become are perfect rhymes to my ear, but I know different accents can sometimes make a big difference in how poetry is read. In any case, I love getting different views on my poems, so it's much appreciated.
TY again!
~J.
-
-
And I am back!
This sounds even better the second time around!
I was just thinking of choosing a contest from my bookmark bin and wrtiing a free verse - you tempt me to do not only rhyme, but try a pantoum.
[it just won't sound as good as yours]
You make this seem soooo easy. A part in this that I liked was:
One hand to wave, another to hold
One says goodbye. The other, please stay
Making our own path, despite the cold
Occasionally even…losing our way
One small thing, not even sure if I'm correct or not - but isn't it supposed to be 'life's meaning'Just that - and that this is amazing!
I feel your writing skills coming back *hug*
Never ♥
-
-
"I feel your writing skills coming back"
I can only hope!
And yeah...I thought about life's meaning when I wrote this, for some reason changed my mind. I will rethink on it though. I also started out with "waking" instead of "walking", which refered to lucid dreaming. But I was afraid no one would get it and think I had a typo, so I went for the obvious instead.
I do hope you'll try the form...I can tell you after the first one I ever wrote I swore never again, and after the 2nd I told myself I was crazier yet, but after that it's gotten easier.
Thanks for all the comments today. I may not have time to reply to them all, but just to let you know I appreciate every one.
Love ands
~J.
-
-
Another amazing write, I particularly liked the fourth and fifth stanzas. The way they match, despite the form you are required to follow, is genius. Most people would find it very difficult to attempt something like this, I know I would =)
-
Congrats on the gold, lovely poem. Very rich and full of texture.
-
I'm too amazed at the moment, I'll be back with a better comment, promise.
-
I commented on this piece yesterday, but for some strange reason it's not showing, anyway, i love it the first time i read it, and love it even more now, this is a great form of poetry, absolutely stunning, well deserving of the gold. congratulation.
-
wow..excellent write..And very much worthy of gold..
I adore this piece...
Congrats to you ..smiles
Peace and many blessings
~A~
-
-
Thank you!
-
-
~J.
This is what I will call perfection.
Your talent is amazing, you should be proud, I know I would be, only if I could write like this.
Very beautiful piece, good luck in the contest not that you'll need it.
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Love Ya,
Joyce
-
Eloquent entry that does justice to the theme!
Rhyme scheme works well here to emphasis these
beings that keep repeating their never-ending
need. Those things that are consolations in life,
not the true support we need them to be. Blue -
-
Love your interpretation of the poem. Thanks so much for the comment and good luck with your contest.
~J.
-
-
Very Good
Seeing ourselves, for what we’ve become
Wandering minstrels, never quite whole
Awaiting a cure, from feeling so numb
A gentle touch, from soul to soul
Nice summary ending for this verse
Wonderfull soft rhyme sceam
All very techicknical
I like it
Rick
Adding your comment:
1 - 37 of 37
