She turns and twists,
like a ribbon in the breeze.
She dances on light feet
and sings with much feeling.
Her skirt whirls about,
like a children's
merry-go-round.
Person after person
gasps and applaudes,
but she answers nor
acknowledges them,
her face to the wind,
her hair thrown back,
singing from her soul.
She dances all the while,
but neither tires nor stops.
Suddenly, she dances away,
almost running from
everyone around her.
Dancing, dancing,
into the horizon,
and then she
disappears completely.
Author notes
POD
A contest entry
- Poem of the Day ( 24 Hour Quickie ) by Arkbear.
500 points, ended October 27, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think of this poem? What can I do better?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
Hi and welcome to the POD!
As Bear said, we love, Love, LOVE uncommon themes here. This captured my attention from the start with the imagery. I disagree with Bear about the punctuation or breaking the line he mentioned into two though. I thought it was a nice change in the pace of the poem. The ending seemed...not quite as powerful as the beginning and middle, but still a very solid entry.
Thanks so much for entering, and good luck!
~J. -
Not bad ~
*them....and....her* I believe a (comma ) was in order there, as your line just goes...and goes ~
Oh....welcome to the POD contest!
I don't believe I have seen you here before :)
You forgot to add the Theme into your 'AN.....but this was really a fast, cute......maybe not cute....but though provoking for sure, read ~
I enoyed it a lot.....I do wish you had taken just a weeeee bit more time on your punctuation and rules.....you would have not lost the two points which are going to be deducted from your entry ~
Please.....there is no editing until after Julie ets to review this...or face DQ ~
:)
I loved your Theme....most uncommon....and we here at the PO" contests..LOVE uncommon ~
I am not sure if your design is two dancers facing back-to-back, or if it just came out that way....nice....as I am not a fan a center align ~
:)
I liked the fact that this was a quickly paced write......it shows that you had a Great vision in your thoughts and went after....nicely done Poet ~
I also liked the fact the your character paid no mind to the others around her......that was uniquely done ~
Let's see how it scores,
Bear ~
Title 9.2
Flow 9.9
Depth 9.75
Theme 10
Feelings 9.9
Grammar 9.8
Presentation 10
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.6
Ability to follow Rules 9
Bears Score: 97.15
A great score....congratulations!
-
Interpretal art really is a great way to escape and become someone else or at least go somewhere else. I particularly like the line "singing from her soul" to describe the simultaneous feelings of joy, focus, and relief we experience when performing. It's the difference between performing for others and performing for ourselves while we allow others to watch. Very swaying write! Nice use of metaphors. Just beautiful!
Good luck in the contest!
Sheryl
-
Wonderful
A wonderful poem, unusual theme. Very well penned, best of luck in the contest! -
Wonderful
A wonderful poem, unusual theme. Very well penned, best of luck in the contest! -
Great Job, soccer220
Good job! I liked how descriptive you were about the dancer! Good luck in the contest! -
very beautiful write good luck in the pod
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