sometimes I sit in a room too cool
letting air raise my skin
slight unease has curious effects; inviting thoughts
cold mornings in forests gathering after sleep
from hiking day walking along crests of mountains
breathing deeply, drinking from springs;
frigid water escaped from deeper in rocks
feeding a fern glade and thirsty animals
and smell of water fills the place;
across my tongue heavy and chilling, so fresh.
Air of goodbye, no matter how well intended
no matter how useful, coldness
in the breach, evolving distance
longing and unfilled wishes;
felt on skin and under, then a bit of shivering too.
Author notes
Perspectives
Free verse writer, seeking to be more well rounded poet, rhyme, forms.
A contest entry
- Freewrite by Samyuktha P.C..
450 points, ended October 29, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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There is a chill in the air here corresponding to your poem. The cool air makes every hair stand up and dance. Yeah the silence and the swish of the air brings thoughts - mind wanders.Just what you need to allow yourself to do when writing a freewrite. You caught that skill. Usually when imagination grows the description becomes very vivid. Here you succintly tell me where your mind is physically and psychologically. You put me there with you hiking in those frigid mountains. This poem is an experience, might even cause a shiver or shudder after its smooth travel. Nice write. Congrats. Love. Sam.
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Beautiful imagery! I could not only see the splendor, but also feel the chill and taste the cold water. Good job on drawing in your reader! Great piece on perspectives. Good luck in the contest!
Sheryl
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Such a unique and powerful take on the prompt and contest theme. Loved "Air of goodbye, no matter how well intended
no matter how useful, coldness
in the breach, evolving distance
longing and unfilled wishes;
felt on skin and under, then a bit of shivering too." What creative associations! Great write, best of luck in the contest.
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