what if there is nothing under the mask?
am afraid i am truly empty
totally insible and nonexistent
just tepid air
not even hot air
not even decayed flesh
just nothing
mindless nothing
so how can i still be scared?
A contest entry
- Of truth, and Masks (PIF - Semi Quickie) by ParadoxFry.
700 points, ended October 27, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Interesting piece. A couple of hurdles prevented my thorough enjoyment:
“am afraid i am truly empty”
I assume you mean:
“I am afraid i am truly empty”
Or:
“afraid i am truly empty”
Next:
“totally insible and nonexistent”
Totally what?
I think you beat this metaphor over the head a little:
“just tepid air
not even hot air”
I think:
“just tepid air”
would have said as much, but I do see how it’s working with the next line with the repetition of not even. Perhaps if you came up with another ‘not even’ to replace the hot air.
I really liked the last line. I’m a bit of a nihilist myself, so I can relate to the existential angst here.
Overall the piece was good. It grabbed me. However, given the lack of time constraints (ie: you were allowed more than 15 minutes to write it) I can’t excuse the sloppiness.
It needs some editing.
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Very Good
There is something wonderful under the mask.
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