Your jagged edges, my poison blood.
Disaster's never looked so good.
When possession and passion escape me,
to covet can sustain me.
I have hugged the sharpened cliff-side,
cursing it's existence.
Now I teeter on a wire,
and miss the cleft persistence.
I can tread water forever,
if thats what you need me to do.
I can paddle and I can float
to spend my life kicking for you.
All those pages ripped and burned,
every line a secret earned.
(I'm a good girl) Kicking and floating.
(I'm a good girl) Swallowing salt.
(I'm a good girl) Ignore this foreboding.
(I'm a good girl) but it isn't my fault.
Things that never crossed my lips
(Things that never dangled from my lips)
I treasure and I hide.
I revere and despise.
Author notes
ok this was meant to be lyrics, but i dont know if i like the "good girl part" what do you think. THIS IS NOT ABOUT CUTTING just so you know.
is everything i write too obtuse?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I like the imagery. This would make excellent lyrics I think and I like the "good girl" part. It makes a good refrain. I no longer have to worry about treading water. Because now I floats so well. I have my very own built-in PFD's. (personal floatation devices)
jill
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Why not add a video to this write?,I think this is a write that would sound excellent
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Great imagery here, I love the word usage. You really 'took me there'. Great job!
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Your imagery is telling here. There is a defenite sense of being trapped. There is also a sense of danger in your imagery as if the life situation you discribe has the potential to kill some part of your heart or conscience. Very well written.
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I like this...a good write that would make a very cool song...I do love the "good girl" part and I especially dig the imagery and metaphors on the third stanza-kickin'-thanks for entering and good luck in the contest
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This almost has a desperate feel to it at the end. I think I would change the next to last stanza to read something like this...
I'm a good girl;
kicking floating,
swallowing salt-
I'm a good girl;
ignoring the foreboding,
it isn't my fault;
I'm a good girl...
It doesn't have to be exactly like that but to me; and this is just personal preference...with it all before the sentence in ( ) just didn't work for me.
It is good material, just needs a few edits.
Good luck
Becky
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I guess the parenthasis aren't very traditional, I used to use them to refer to the voices in my head, but in this instance, since this is meant to be lyrics, it is used as what would be an echo, a sort of backup vocal. I for some reason am quite partial to them. thanks for your comment though!!
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