I can't stand the void of sunlight
Streaming into the room
Or the ready-to-collapse nightmare
Constantly forseeing my doom
But when you climb the mountain
And get out of the hole
You'll see a new perspective
Noticing your cave as quite drole
I can see my friends' heads
Thinking so far away
And all the gears/ businessmen
Going about another day
From this lofty height
I can live with the stars in the sky
I sure hope I don't fall off and-
Author notes
The "/" in the 11th line is pronounced (slash). This poem is about rooftops for a contest. My name is Ben and I like making music, art, and thoughts. I am a buddhist/ christian/ dadaist/ surrealist/ primitivist/ anarchist who doesn't believe in -isms.
A contest entry
- Freewrite by Samyuktha P.C..
450 points, ended October 29, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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How nice you don't believe in -isms, yet you are part of the many -isms and -ists.
Surrealism and Buddhism catches my eye here, and anarchism to a level. My favourite lines: "But when you climb...out of the hole" The end is brilliant. And wait you won't fall off. For one I love surprise endings, a nice contrast built in the last word or line. Good. I enjoyed reading this. Congrats and best wishes. Love. Sam.
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HaHA! I LOVE the end of this...poor fellow. heehee. Great job on this! I think surprise endings are wonderful! Good luck in the contest!
Sheryl
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