We sit here all day, at a desk in a booth,
And we listen to folks who are ranting and raving.
And they don’t realize, that they must tell the truth,
Much less that it’s their time and their money we’re saving.
They will not verify where they work, bank or live.
They tell us nothing and want all we will give.
They swear they made payments we did not receive.
They offer no proof; we’re just supposed to believe.
If he were thinking, surely the caller would see,
That for his protection, we must know who is speaking.
If he won’t give his phone after our ardent plea
We can not give him the information he’s seeking.
If he will comply and tell us what we must know
We can get on with the call and then we can go
On to the reason the customer is calling.
We have calls waiting, we can’t take much more stalling.
If obstinance rules, we must then disconnect
And go on to a caller who is willing to give
Data in my system that then may be checked
Along with new info like “Where do you now live?”
We tell the customer what we require.
Full tax compliance we’re required to inspire.
Using income and expenses we set a plan
To handle the debt without bankrupting the clan.
Our aim is to guide you, gently as we can
To a place where you are in all ways compliant.
Our country is run on tax collected from each man
And on woman too, is our country reliant.
We won’t levy or lien if your duty you’ve seen.
We’re just doing our job; we are in no way mean.
If one, eight hundred, eight, two, nine, ten, forty you call
We will do our best to help you with it all.
Author notes
THANK GOD the anthem only has four verses. I thought I was gonna die for a second there because writing about the Internal Revenue Service is almost as boring as working for them. (I’m retired.) And I know you may not have been expecting a SERIOUS anthem but I wrote one anyway.
Just in case everyone doesn’t know already, here are the words to the Anthem of the Untied States of America::
Star Spangled Banner
Oh! say, can you see, by the dawn's early light,
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof thro' the night that our flag was still there.
Oh! say, does that star-spangled banner yet wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?
("Ramparts," in case you don't know, are the protective walls or other elevations that surround a Fort. The first stanza asks a question. The second gives an answer. )
On the shore, dimly seen thro' the mist of the deep,
Where the foe's haughty host in dread silence reposes,
What is that which the breeze, o'er the towering steep.
As it fitfully blows, half conceals, half discloses?
Now it catches the gleam of the morning's first beam,
In full glory reflected, now shines on the stream.
'Tis the star-spangled banner. Oh! long may it wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
("The towering steep" is again, the ramparts. The bombardment has failed, and the British can do nothing more but sail away, their mission a failure. In the third stanza, I feel Key allows himself to gloat over the American triumph. In the aftermath of the bombardment, Key probably was in no mood to act otherwise. During World War II, when the British were our staunchest allies, this third stanza was not sung. However, I know it, so here it is)
And where is that band who so vauntingly swore,
That the havoc of war and the battle's confusion
A home and a country should leave us no more?
Their blood has washed out their foul footstep's pollution.
No refuge could save the hireling and slave,
From the terror of flight, or the gloom of the grave,
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.
(The fourth stanza, a pious hope for the future, should be sung more slowly than the other three, and with even deeper feeling. )
Oh! Thus be it ever, when freemen shall stand,
Between their loved homes and the war's desolation,
Blest with vict'ry and peace, may the Heav'n - rescued land,
> Praise the Pow'r that hath made and preserved us a nation.
Then conquer we must, for our cause is just,
And this be our motto - "In God is our trust."
And the star-spangled banner in triumph doth wave,
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.
A contest entry
- Worker's Anthem by Poemdancer.
1100 points, ended December 3, 2007, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
It's all good.
Comments
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Very nice indeed
Your penning is excellent and this had to hard to write as you said to write one for the IRS I couldnt have done it
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I loved it! Excellent rhyming schem, and a well understood topic by any who work in those sorts of fields. I really enjoyed reading it. The first stanza is by far my favorite, as it is the clearest I found. Nonetheless a great job! Thanks for entering our contest!
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Looks like you are pro IRS. What’s wrong with you? Not really! I guess someone has to collect taxes if there is going to be money for us to get our welfare. I would HATE to have to sing this on a regular basis. Good for its category.
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Aww, the IRS should post this on their website, this is great! Hopefully you will inspire some ornery tax-challenged person somewhere to get help...
Also, thanks for placing the lyrics to the anthem in your author's notes, I never knew the other verses! But I see why they usually don't sing them all, that would take an eternity. 
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