Morning breaks the silence,
but bitterness remains on
winter lips and iced plains
and black-bellied clouds and
in this room.
Gracefully gliding past
half-truths - and each other
with cold compassion,
We are ice dancers.
As we go through the motions,
we feel no emotion-
other than the frigidness
of winter's lament,
and it's grip on our souls,
- while my thoughts tinkle
like a billion crystal butterflies-
rattling in a tin can.
Author notes
Has been edited.
In a list
A contest entry
- Quote prompt by Poemdancer.
600 points, ended October 30, 2007, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Win $50, and be published in the next Allpoetry Book! Relationships theme by Kevin.
400 points, ended March 5, 115 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Wow, this is excrutiatingly vivid. It is a sad but all too common scenario. You truly capture the overall feel of the situation. I loved the ending.
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Congrates on the Gold!!!
Way to go sis, you
this piece! 
Thanks for sharing your heart, and penning here.
I'm so glad we crossed paths sis, you're amazing!
Bro Timothy
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i really enjoyed reading your poem, i loved your lines, and your punctuation, your imagery, overall the whole poem!! It was absolutely fabulous, iwould write my favorite line but i loved it all. Thanks for entering, (and i don't mind your modification)!
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AMAZIN' !
My imagination runs wild when I read something like this. It's thanks to the fantastic bits and pieces of imagery that you put in that makes this seem so thought provoking. I really liked it.. Fantastic! And I really liked the line - 'in a web of frozen tears, crystallized to my soul.' Simply brilliant.
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I may be in the minority, but I always associate ice dancers with power ,artistry, grace,and above all,passion....so the metaphor doesn't make for me
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This is really beautifully written. I loved it. The imagery is EXCELLENT i mean. It has made me speechless. You have such talent of describing things deeply. U shud write more like this. Its amazing.
GREAT JOB!
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The title intrigued me. The piece is fairly well written and I wish you the best in the contest.
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Hey Kjack!
Long time no see! Yer gonna kick my butt! Overall I liked the poem, but when I got to the "frozen tears- crystallized to my soul" part, the old cliche-o-meter pegged hard over. I guess I like all the words that are yours, but didn't much care for the line that inspired them all. Talk about a paradox! Sorry girl, just an honest opine.
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Beautiful!
you would think that I could come up with a better, perhaps more distinctive adjective but I can't. It is a beautiful piece.
The sadness-the angst in the piece is so real and so beautifully (there's that word again) written that it moved me a great deal.
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Beautiful.
Absolutely beautiful.
Good luck in the contest.
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This is a great poem. Hope you do well in the contest.
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Oh, what am i supposed to do with this ? Becca ?? is this you? Where on earth did you find these brilliant images, this lovely broken line ? I am in tears as I read this, not sorrow – tho your poem is anything but joyful – my heart rejoices in what you have divined here, conjured, wrenched from heaven’s gate ! I adore this! Maybe you did not hear me, I ADORE THIS !!! The prompt is perfectly placed to enhance its impact, you arrive up to the prompt gently and embellish it PERFECTLY. Oh and the image, the sound, contained within “billion crystal butterflies—rattling in a tin can.” I was utteruly captivated by “bitterness remains on winter lips and iced plains” so amazingly descriptive. Oh Becca, if I could hug you right now, I would, for the joy I feel with what you have written here…I see you reaching and grabbing hold of something so wonderful, please, please, please, keep exploring like this, you have a heart for it and I love what you have written .
All my blessings to you,
~r.
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Thank you so very much Richard. I honestly don't know what to say. Your compliments make me blush. Actually I have had a couple of ideas on my mind lately, and these prompts given fit perfectly into the ideas in my head. I mean they were right on the same thoughts. I just had to write this. Thanks again so very much for your wonderful compliments and for your applause and hug.
becca
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