for a time
there was chaos
when my lungs
collapsed
hidden with windows
down,
parked behind ribs
near a heart
force fed life-
a memory of
her voice
that morning.
Author notes
Words: 30
In a list
A contest entry
- tin man- 2 hours by Cat.
500 points, ended October 28, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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i really like "parked behind ribs" that image really stands out for me- nicely done kate
m -
This is gorgeous- the descriptions are magical.
and in so few lines.
its quiet amazing.
Good luck in the contest
-
This was very beautiful. SO descriptive in very few lines. I can't think of anything critical to say - it's perfect as it is. Beautiful poem, and good ,luck in the contest
Jeanette*~ -
I really like this..interesting 'tin' metaphor...
'parked behind ribs' I like that...something very personal about this write with the ending lines.
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spoon fed to force fed, eh
I do like this
and you know
you've taken it in stride
if irony followed me the way it does you
i'd be a nutjob
so a
for you and your ashblonde moments that make me giggle and sigh at the same time.
-
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what> you aren't already? hehehe
-
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you have...
such a way
truely
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I love this piece. It is so true and great. There is just so much to it. Keep up the wonderful penning! Excellent WORK!
Later
Brit Brit
Please return the favor!
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