Memories, The Pain And Troubles

You closed the door
I still remember the nights we spent sleeping on the kitchen floor
I see the lamps and the candles we used to light
When you used to turn off the lights at night.

Day and night you used to shout
We had our house but you used to put us out
You cursed us called bad words & you used to fight
You wanted us to be out of your sight.

You made her suicidal
You never cared about her soul
She couldn’t do it and leave us alone
She thought of her three sons, I love you mom now I’m grown.

We had to leave our house & go to another school
But still life was not so cool
I had no choice, I had to live my life like a slave
Did what they told, ate what they gave.

No T.V
No childhood luxury
I had to work first to step outside
Or just stay inside.

Wake up early in the morning & to the church for mass
Then to school & be the first one to enter my class
Returned home at 1:45 Pm, eat my food go to the tuitions, sometimes it would get dark
There are days I not got to play soon dogs used to bark.

There was a cat with her I used to play
When I was sad she used to put smile on my face & complete my day
Her name is Heidi
She used to wait for me outside the house when I returned from school, like dog she used to follow me.

There are times when you used to beat me like I’m a piece of shit
You used to shout me, insult me but I had no choice I had to take it
Cause I was young and had no shelter but only pray to God
As mom was abroad.

Me and my brother
We’ve been through a lot together
We had a good bond you’ll were jealous
You’ll made plans to separate us.

Your plan went flop we stayed together me & my brother Glenn
As my eldest brother was studying in boarding school back then
We used to meet him during vacations & be together all 3
Trying to have some fun and being free.

I liked to go to the river and spend my time alone
Without telling anyone, when I was small & not fully grown
That clear blue sky, the birds were flying high not forgetting the sun
Trying to have some fun.

Cannot forget the songs I used to sing
Without knowing in the river I was trying to swim
No one took us to the swimming pool or thought us to swim but we gave a try
We risked our lives and learnt, my brother and I.

Without telling we used to go for fishing
We even saw a dead body floating
So close to the shore he was dead and not alive
Me & my brother could not tell this at home we would be grounded for life.

Back in 2000 when I was 13
Fast forward 2003 no sweet 16
The holidays I could not enjoy
There were good & bad times with more sorrow and less joy.

Lot of things happen to me which I cannot speak
Just thinking about it makes me sick
God have some pity
Cant you see ?

I’m bored
I cannot find another road
Give me a long rest
I cannot be the best.

The days gone by and the days to come
I cannot be open & speak out to my mum
I love her I never wanna see her sad
For the tensions she had, I’ll be mad.

The tears flown and still flow
That they don’t know
Gone is the taste
The pain & my 18 & 19 year old blood I dropped is now gone to waste.

Sometimes my heart beats fast
As I recall the past
My head feels heavy I’m going mad maybe
But I have to complete this poetry.

At night I cannot sleep
My emotions run too deep
It cuts life a knife
What’s my life ?

The things I did and never got to do
There’s no one to blame but I & not you
Here I am my half life is now over
My childhood is gone I’ll never get it back anymore.

What they did and said
I don’t call them bad
That’s the way it supposed to be
And I thank them for what they done for me.

Now sweet tastes bitter
Going on does not get any better
As you read this page
I’m on the edge.

-Shuberth Dias-


I Wrote This Poem On 21 October 2007 5:49:25 PM When I Was 20 Years old