If a shattered distressed woman
brings her broken heart to a conversation
to the handsomest male in the community
wanting compassion and affection.
The mans eyes, those calculating eyes
will begin his steps to manipulation
like most predators placed in that position
The mans face will remain serene and calm
Intentionally not revealing her value.
Her true worth
Preying upon her needs and vulnerability
This will be his conniving cause
Intentionally holding her captive
with false empathy,
a farce of illusions behind a supple voice
Scheming on what the end result
that will transpire
But the moments with me my love
The single moment of words.
Will reveal my sincerity, my heart
a soul of legitimacy
There is nothing, nothing
I will take from you, seize from your heart
tear from your emotion
That has not been given freely
Even the down trodden, socially rejected
I will embrace
For my eyes would blossom with renewed enlightenment
because I know and feel
Your Divine worth
Copyright © 2007 Michael A. Carr
Amazing sensual poet Hafiz. This is my version of his poem "the Jeweler"
If a naïve and desperate man
Brings a precious stone
To the only jeweler in town
Wanting to sell it
The jeweler’s eyes
Will begin to play a game
Like most eyes in the world when they look at you
The jeweler’s face will stay calm
He will not want to reveal the stone’s true value
But to hold the man captive to fear and greed
While he calculates
The value of the transaction
But one moment with me, my dear
Will show you that there is nothing, nothing Hafiz
Wants from you
When you sit before a master like me
Even if you are a drooling mess
My eyes sing with excitement
They see your Divine worth.
--------Hafiz
Author notes
I read Hafiz in a book by Wayne Dyer and had to find some of his work. He has a very different way of writing and I will attempt some of his techniques of poetry as well. Here is some background.
http://www.hafizonlove.com/index.htm
http://oldpoetry.com/oauthor/show/Shams_al-Din_Hafiz
This is for my ladies that I enjoy speaking to
that tell me the true, good or bad
OneSugar
Aurielle
RainGoddess
Ennovy
Ephiphany
Sunny Day
Tender wolf
Soulful Woman
RatherImaginative
Yvette Champ
They all make me feel that women
Still believe in romance and
Keeps me feeling my writing has an audience.
In a list
A contest entry
- Your Best Pre-write of 2007 by Metaphorist.
900 points, ended January 4, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me if it was worthy
Comments
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This is so beautiful. There aren't many men like this. I feel blessed to have found one myself, but many women cannot find a man who really cares beyond his own wants and desires. This is a great write. Nicely done.
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Thank u so much. its worth showing respect and sincerity to others and not dwell on selfishness. I'll return the favor
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I like your version better than the original. I'm happy to know there are men like you that do not take advantage of women. You are one of the few.
Thanks for entering. Good luck in my contest and in the new year! -
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I forgot to say thank you. Thats why my poetry compliments and respects women (I hope) But thank you
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Magnificent Piece of Art...Bravo!
You are a explosive sensual poet; and your use of metaphors whisper in your words of passion. You expressed yourseld well in the style of Hafiz. Such a heartfelt piece of poetic art; all I can do is applaud you.........................Mom
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I loved this
This is a wonderful tribute
It's nice to know there are still some true gents out there. This was something I really needed to read.
A pleasure MyKeee
Love ~sugar~
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I've never heard of Hafiz....but surely
he got your attention and took part in this educational/truth in writing. So many parts that hit home, my friend, deeply, our Drive & Passion of so many things lay within the text of your wordss. What a tribute to the woman you hold close to your Poetic Heart...as i hold you in the same. Loved it
and I quote:
"The single moment of words.
Will reveal my sincerity, my heart
a soul of legitimacy
There is nothing, nothing
I will take from you, seize from your heart
tear from your emotion
That has not been given freely
Even the down trodden, social rejected
I will embrace..."
the lesson continues
Ephiphany
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Thank U - I'm so happy you enjoyed it. Some of it came from our conversation a while back when you said most guys try to hit on you are take it further. And when I read this guys words. I said, "Damn!!" Thats what i was trying to tell Phiff. I see the worth in people not the lust or the opportunity to try to get at cha.
It was crazy. I tease and play but if you and all my other friends didn't have value. Why would I take the time to even talk? It was profound. I really wanted you to read it because you came to mind after I read his original version. I wrote this one on the plane too.
So thanks for the inspiration. I think I did a good job
thanks
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You hold a special place in my heart
Kee Always, keep being you baby, we got you, sure I can say that for all the Lovely Ladies here that has inspired such a wonderful piece by you.
CC
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I particularly enjoy thought provoking poetry and being introduced to new poets.This poet is new to me but I like his style.You have emulated with the timbre of your own voice and emulating is always risky,sometimes one can become immersed within the characterization.I recall recieving comments on a piece I wrote inspired by Bukowski,the poet berated me for being a typical man and simply would not believe that I was female writing from a male perspective so I failed at emulating as I lost my own voice.
First line,perhaps distressed instead of distress? Some misplaced focus here and there with capitalization where perhaps it's not needed but it does not detract too much focus,I simply noticed it.
Perhaps "socially rejected" instead of social rejected? As ever dear poet these are points offered that I am pondering and not criticisms.
NB Interesting piece of trivia re jewellers,they like to display the clocks in their shop windows set at ten to two as if the clocks are "smiling" at the prospective purchasers,I found that interesting that time is set to smile but more so to beguile.
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Thank you Yvette. I actually enjoy the much needed critcism for me to slow down sometimes in my writing or self auditing. I sort of look forward to your comments.
I think in some ways you should have felt complimented by the berating of the other poet. You changed your gender perspective without being typical. I think that takes creativity. When I write as a woman, I like the reader to think this is a womans thoughts. It helps me to know a typical male view isn't overlaping into my words even though I don't have a typical male view. I haven't read Bukowski but I will seek it out. You made me curious
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I'm bad at the capitalization thing because of my word processor correcting the ending of each line. I've been trying harder since you made me look again at my structure.
Also the other points are, shall I say on point and i will make the corrections.
I'm blabbering again but I ebjoy your perspective which is honest. It helps. Thanks for the helpful hints and kind words.
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Mykeee!...you are a surprise...
Hafiz is one of my all time favorites, and your interpretation has brought another facet to my appreciation of his writing, and your own. You've given a great western slant to this image. I feel like it's Christmas and I got a new poetry book...thanks! Peace, Rhonda
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Thank U Rhonda - it shock the heck out of me when I read his work. He has such a romantic feel with an old Arabic tradition that really stunned me. Thanks so much for relating to this great poet. I'm working on some of his style now with a western (I live on the east coast but I know what you mean
)touch. I fell really good now. Thank u, thank U!!
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