A breeze of lemon Jasmine
flowed pass like Saturday morn.
Sweet, relaxing aromas so brief
that it lingered like morning dew
dripping from the petals of my mind.
Slowly intoxicating my senses
Captivated my vision of unseen images
of pleasure, hidden
behind the curtains of these eyes.
Bouquets of floral passages
within a lake of tranquility
brought me to this aromatic paradise.
I laid still.
Images danced upon spring meadows
with an array of sunshine, warming me
holding me, allowing
consciousness to leave me.
Briefly.
while inhaling the beauty, of this
intoxicating fragrance that engulfed me.
But then, reality disturbed my conscience
like the sight of abuse
ignored
This elation turned to despondency
with memories divorced
From this instance,
Where life seemed unreal and reality seemed
lifeless.
When that moment, that instance
brought Ecstasy to my senses,
desire to my heart
while still wanting to relive
that moment
When you walked by
Author notes
The metaphors I wanted to use related to florals. as well as the similes. petals and mind was the begining metaphor so that it would continue the stage of expressing natural smells.
The inhalation of beauty was something that I thought really captured the senses. Beauty is normally seen so having the though of breathing it in (imagery as well) gave the thought of beauty being a smell. once again.
the similes I think are simple. lemon jasmine like Saturday morn, pleasure behind curtains that were eyes (eye lids). Not using the repetative "like" to express the similarities. I think the strongest simile used is this phrase: "reality disturbed my conscience like the sight of abuse ignored"
The complete imagery is the feeling of a scent of a woman that walked past. The complete effort of the poem was to show this imagery to the reader and to feel it.
It may sound crazy but this is what happened.
I fell asleep on a flight back to Georgia and
people were passing me going back and forward to the rest room. All of sudden a woman’s perfume startled me.
actually woke me up from a comfortable rest. It was one of those scents that you almost questioned but
knew what it was. I was so stunned that when she passed me again I was speechless and I took a deep breath and closed my eyes just to live in the moment.
And I wanted to get to her when we landed but I wasn't sure which woman it was and the sheer feeling she gave me took away my boldness. I had to write it.
In a list
- Girls Talk Boys Talk by Aurielle NEW group list • next in list
A contest entry
- april rain by spine.
650 points, ended November 8, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 39 of 39
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And write it you did Mykeeeeeee, this is absolutely stunning. So delicate and you fill the mind's eye with the most beautiful imagery through your metaphor and simile abounding in this magnificent work of art. Even without the image you used here the beauty is scene so easily. This flowed softly like a meandering stream on a warm summer day. Thank you for capturing my heart through your elegant words once again. You never disappoint me. Kudos for you my friend, this truly is a work of art. Just like "The Scent of a Woman".
Love and God bless you my friend, Joyce 
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You nailed the imagery and simile aspects of this lesson, but the metaphors aren't developed enough. I'd like you to write a new piece using a metaphor or two that can be developed throughout the whole piece. It doesnt have to be long, just metaphoric.
Grade for this piece is 88% B
La x
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well me being a growing perfectionist. I will. I know you are right with the mataphors because I didn't really get what they were that deeply but I think I need to truely develop it better. Thanks as always and I'll be back to be slapped around for the good of the nation
JK
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All I can say is that skinny dipping is so much fun, I sure enjoyed this read. Also the sence of smell is powerful, and I know it wrapped you up into this very sweet dream...You go Son..........................Mom
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Excellent piece. The thought was held so evenly and concise which made the imagery of this poem so worthwhile to read. It was too bad you never got to meet up with her. Imagine what more you would have written afterwards. Good luck in the contest. A truly golden piece.
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Thank U. I really was nervous because what can be said to someone who has you at a disadvantage. Emotionally. thanks for the great review ~ cheers~
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this was really nice.
"Captivated my vision of unseen images
of pleasure, hidden
behind the curtains of these eyes."
simply gorgeous.
I enjoyed it.
best of luck in the contest! -
Hmmm - it is amazing what a simple scent can hold..
A minute thing, "some"thing ~ EVERYthing.. Does it strike men, I wonder, that we women live to experience their very essence as well? Yes, just the very enviable scent of you all.. -
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I share that even when other men speak not of that overwhelming feeling. We live to breath each other in and I thought of this weeks ago but it came to me on a plane. Can you imagine that? Thank U
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Amazing. Great sensory. Loved it.
Silvos.
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Thank U so much. It was just that. AMAZING!!!
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A lovely little poem. Very pleasing to the "senses". I love when smells and scents startle me. Like, when a man walks by and and they smell of an ex-boyfriends cologne, or a woman smells like something I used to wear when I was a teenager. Makes me want to go out and buy it again.I am a person that is always very effected by scents. Apple cinnamon probably being my fav. LOL. This poem flowed so well, and the word usage was wonderful. Thank you for this lovely read!
~Krys~
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Thank U so much. I have a liken to florals and lemons (weird huh?) But scents can take you some where else. This one was an example. Thanks for relating. ~ Mykeee
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Hi for the group
Loved it then love it now
~sugar~ -
Beautiful
You have done a great job on thisd poem I love it from start to finish but this is my favorite part,
"Briefly.
while inhaling the beauty, of this
intoxicating fragrance that engulfed me.
But then, reality disturbed my conscience
like the sight of abuse
ignored"
I remember us talking breifly about a poem something like this, you have outdone yourself my friend. Thank you for sharing and keep them coming.
raingoddess
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Thank you Darling - your words are refreshing
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Wow. You got all of this from a scent? Wow. I guess that us poets get that way sometimes: inspired by even the smallest thing. I liked several phrases in this piece, especially "memories divorced". Great job. Good luck in the contest.
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WOW
this is just amazing
to feel like this just
from the smell of her perfume
Makes you wonder what you would have done
if you had met her that day.
Riftkin
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I tell you, I pull my pad right out and started writing. I really got nervous when i got off the plane because what do you say to a person after you write something like this and say, "hello, I just wrote a sensual poem about you. Whats that perfume you got on?" LOL. I couldn't do it
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wow wow wow mykeee o my sweet love you have the passion in this write that even enthralls your truly and i love it! i like this piece more than any others i read sorry but this is my favorite i shall book mark it
juju
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Oh my gosh! This is absolutely amazing!! You captured an instantaneous moment so beautifully. It all happens so fast but you were able to express it excellently. Your words dripped in imagery. This was great, thanks for sharing and I wish you the best in the contest you entered
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Thank u MY friend. It was amazing how it came to me. I wrote it right then and there. Appreciate the great comments
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This is great Myke! It's amazing how our every day situations become inspirations for our work. Great job with this one and I hope that you smell that smell again one day soon! LOL! Thanks for sharing this one here!
Jeremy0826 -
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Thanks J#'s. This was a great moment in time. I actually enjoyed it
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this would be perfect in my adult contest. thank you for sharing something so tastefully well written. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
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thank u so much, I love when reality becomes my muse
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Images danced upon spring meadows
with an array of sunshine, warming me
holding me, allowing
and ilove the ending
This is beautiful. i feel like bookmarking this
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If you do, I'll love you in the morning jk...... thanks my friend
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No not crazy
I know exactly where you are coming from
the smell of a scent can blow you away it's happened to me. It's amazing the effect a scent can have on us.
A wonderful poem and a pleasure to read.
Love ~sugar~
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ahhhh....Ode to the simplicity of aroma
I feel you on this Mikee, actually I have been approached by ppl like that
This was lovely, great explanation in your author's notes, brings closure to your poem.
CC
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Thanks Coco Che!!! I wrote it on the plane and was re-writing it last night. It took over my mind trying to get it together. Glad you liked it and I appreciate your view
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Well son the women might not all admitt it by the essence of a mans fragrance can get a gal going also. Thats why I know you always smell divine...I love the smell of some pipes (black cherry) men smoke. You better beleive I love this write, and I know what happen to you...love, Mom
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I use to smoke a pipe and the dark cherry with mahagony hints were great until my throat starting getting raw ( found out I needed the correct filter, silly me) Thanks so much and i know U are right. We all have that fragrence of the chase.
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very wonderful poem! you did a great and wonderful job!! take care and have a great day! Keep on wiritting!
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Thank U
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It doesn't sound crazy to me. You penned this well! Love the images, now the pic...that's crazy!!! LOL! What a wonderful experience to had and thank you for allowing the readers to experience this with you. This was beautiful! Good luck in the contest!
I laid still.
Images danced upon spring meadows
with an array of sunshine, warming me
holding me, allowing
consciousness to leave me.
Briefly....Love this!
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I looked and looked for a picture that would capture the feeling i had a a naked woman in a sweet smelling lake was almost perfect. I didn't strip her naked on the plane in my mind but close to it.
Thanks for enjoying this piece ~ Mikeeee
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I loved your author's note almost as much as I liked your poem! what a wonderful experience! I felt like I was there. Thanks for sharing keep up the great work. peace and light always in all ways, Kendal
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Thanks - I like to explain sometimes where the thought came from. This one had to be written.
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