I wish I could understand
why my body cries for a blade.
I wish I could realize
there's nothing colder than the grave.
But, my paranoia's getting the best of me.
My fear is taking control.
Why are they alway laughing at me?
Why do they mock my pain?
Asylum
...in silence....
I can't let them know that I have no
Asylum
...from my violence....
They'll take me away,
and never let me go.
I wish I could understand
my hopelessness. I'm so alone.
I wish I could realize
that happiness surrounds me.
But, my paranoia's getting the best of me.
My fear is taking control.
Why are they alway laughing at me?
Why do they mock my pain?
Asylum
...in silence....
I can't let them know that I have no
Asylum
...from my violence....
They'll take me away,
and never let me...
Asylum
...from my mind....
I can't let them know that I have no
Oh, no place
...to hide....
They'll take me away...
and I...
can't...
wait...
to...
Go.
Author notes
I wrote this when I was at the height of my self-mutilation. I was considering if I should commit myself or not. Thankfully I did, and now I am recovered and writing this was part of it.
A contest entry
- Condemned Minds by Acidanthra.
600 points, ended October 29, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - anyone who has a mental disease. (schizophrenia, bi-polar-depression) anything by Desired-Lucidity.
600 points, ended November 6, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please tell me what you think, what i can improve
Comments
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This poured out true fear as I read it. In reality, there is green grass on the Earth, yet your mind sees black blades growing on an evil altar. You wrote this very well, good word usage, and emotional intensity.
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Stunning! Your use of the word "asylum" is powerful here. It isn't just a place 'they' take you to... it's an interal prison in this piece, a place inside the mind of which one cannot escape.
And the repetative nature of this poem deepens it... It feels like a mental chant, and accurately portrays the perpertual torment of a struggling mind.
I can relate to this piece personally. I'm very glad to have read it.
Outstanding write!
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This really drew me in...reminded me of some people that I work with who go through some of these very similar emotions and realities...These are very real feelings and states that some people go through...And often so many of us don't understand it...thank you for having the strength to go write this...the world is better for it...
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Great power and concentration in this. Again, slow relentless repetition building toward a climax of explosion/resolution of incomprehensible letting-go.
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