You were thrown away,
A child not worth loving.
The saftey of a loving home and a mothers gentle touch.
Expecting love from that bitch was expecting way to much.
No I love you's to guide you toa healthy esteem.
Only an abundance of fathers,
All of which took a piece.
Broken, mishandled, brainwashed and briused.
The years of abuse left you lost and confused.
You believed yourself to be deserving of nothing more,
Soon suicide became something you would explore.
We were both so young, when love found you and I.
Together we began to dream,
We were determined to survive.
Dreams of everlasting love,
Dreams of children,
Dreams of home.
Dreams of finding peace.
Working hard you provided for the family you finally had.
Everything was working out and soon you'd be a dad.
Then came child number two,
You were living what 'she' swore you couldn't do.
Your strength and determination was gallant,
A true man of courage and love, you had bloomed.
But the terror had taken seed, your dreams it had consumed.
The horrors of your childhood had found us,
Creeping in unseen.
The pain of the past was horrific, cruel and obscene.
Fighting back the hungry demons you slipped once or twice.
The haunting words and mocking horrors of that bitch were as deadly as her aim was precise.
Forcing you to your scarred and bloodied knees.
Begging God and all Angels of the Heavens,
We both were pleading desperatley for your release.
The wounds within were opened wide and with them came the awful pain.
The memories of your monstrous mother were in your head to stay.
Her methodical destruction followed you to your dying day.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This poem is sad and a little scary for me. I run from those same type of demons, praying that they will never catch me. It is so sad when we become to blinded by pain, that anger literally flows through our veins. Hurt hearts, hurt other hearts.....
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I am so sorry that you and anyone has to know this kind of horror.
I too know it and unless you've been there you don't really understand the hurt behind these words.
Thank you for reading this hon and for taking time to comment even though it was a difficult read for you.
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Some women should never be able to give birth but then some fathers should never be able to impregnate. Having said that, then you would never have shared any time with him at all or have your own lovely kids. Not all women are born to be natural mothers. For some of us it is a hard learning road, frightening and difficult. I love my kids but I was not a good mother at all.
Sheila
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You are so right, it's a double edged blade... I wish with all my heart that he never went through all the horrific things he did but then again that made him who he was and I loved him *shrugs*
As for you not being a good mom that is in the past.
I think all of us moms feel that way at times and I KNOW all of us have regrets.
The important thing is to tell them you love them and be a good mom now.
I find myself apologizing to my kids a lot lately for the past 8 months especially, but funny thing is that usually they have no idea why or what I am apologizing for LOL.
Kids are resiliant... it's us grown ups that are screwed up LOL
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Having just read some of your author page I find this piece very moving and I'm surprised that you have managed to contain your anger so well. Feelings have to be released in full for healing to take place. Whether that expression is through words in public or some other means in private is up to each individual as we all deal with things in different ways but I hope that however and where ever you release them, that you find peace of mind and happiness in the future.
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Thank You so much for taking the time to read not only this poem but my page as well.
Hehehe... often people read my poems and leave saying to themselves either 'huh?' lol or 'another depressing poet' LOL...
It is ironic that you brought up the possibilty of expressing what's going on publicly, as I have been invited to speak for a support group of victims of police abuse.
It's been something I've been going back and forth on but looks as though I may accept their invitation now.(until tommorow when I change my mind again lol)
I hope this New Year is bringing you lots of smiles and love.
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I felt it was a sad personal write. Very well written
Thanks for your comment.
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So sad it is yet so true
Within the fabric of every living being is the teachings given that molds the mind . And even with the hate of the past so often along the line it releases the teachings from within how with the technologies of today can we wipe out the memories forever to start a new . -
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Wow, wouldn't that be nice! To just keep the healthy and discard the harmful.
I look at my kids, his kids, I think about he things hismother did to him and I just can't imagine ever...any mother ever having such a born hate for her own children, How can anyone be so destructive and hateful towardsd somethng so innocent and desperate?
A question I know I will never have the answer to and even if I did I doubt it would make a difference in how I feel.
Thank You for commenting on this, it's an especially raw one for me, if ya can't tell by my ranting. LOL.
Take care and Blessings to you and yours~
Nicole
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This is one I had/have the hardest time with writing. I want so badly to just write
" Thw whore killed you" all over the page but...wel maybe another time. LOL
Take care and God bless you~ Nicole -
this is one of my favorites...my favorite line
"You believed yourself to be pre destined
and deserving of nothing more."
because that is too true with countless people i know.
i love the flow of your poem...its funny how in a timeline poem like this, you can see a point where you wish you could rewind time and take a different turn in life...its sad that sometimes love just isnt enough to keep those demons away..keep writing....
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This is Powerful
This write is so full of pain and hurt and hope, then the rising up from all the pain only to have it reappear. You have written this from the heart and it touches the heart and soul, Great poem, and blessings for walking with love throught the pain.
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Thank you again, you saw what I intended to write. Our time together was too short but I know that we won't be seperated forever.
Our love is more than just a set of pretty feel good words and will carry us through this trying time.
Thank You so much for taking the time to read what I have written. It means so much becasue it does come from deep down inside and it's nice to know that someone else gets what I am saying.
Take care and Blessings to you and yours!
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