wakened by the ghost again
she went through the closet
opened drawers
flipped through books
spotted my slacks on the floor
folded and put them on the chair
walked barefoot through the bedroom
humming gracefully to
the tune of Summertime
fed the goldfish
dusted plants and furniture
rearranged picture frames
undressed
turned the corner
took a peek
promised to join for breakfast
i stepped on the cold tile floor
looked into the tub water
she disappeared once again
In a list
.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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captivated
I'm glad that I read Submerge before reading this one since the fact the when you looked in the tub water when she disappeared. I love all your peices, and they are pieces, masterpieces. They go far beyond the conventional, as does this one. Each one that I have had the privilege to read thus far have told a story and captured my imagination to where it almost feels like I've lived each line myself, as if these were MY memories and thoughts. Not many have the ability to do this. You are amazing.
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I like this one. And its well written to. Even though it is a short poem it said a lot. And i felt like i just knew. Thanks for allowing me to read this beautiful poem
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I agree with dark cajun shadow; it kind of felt like I knew her too, or at least her mannerisms. Very haunting, the thought lingers in your head for a while. Really beautiful
Jeanette*~
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i really liked this...it made me smile, i kind of felt i knew her too.
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thanks..
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You seem to have this... thing for this woman in the tub. Lots of references to the water and skin. Mmmm, obsessions... ;D
There are things that could be fixed. Your grammar drives me nuts, but honestly, your tone is so strong I overlook it. (It does hurt a little though- just so you know).
Write more. I'm running out of things to read. -
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Grammar.. The G word. I don't understand it and it drives me nuts too. My native language is Spanish. I wish it was English though. Spanish is too romantic for my taste. I will marry a gringa to teach me English.
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You're Spanish? Spain Spanish? Well, that makes sense. I took one semester of Spanish in college and just... struggled so hard I didn't take it again.
Part of my struggle was the difference in grammar. I just couldn't wrap my head around it. (Terrible accent too, couldn't roll my Rs w. a gun to my head).
Do you write in Spanish too?
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you = good
most = bad
but you = good
enjoyed.
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if I were her I'd have stayed...
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i wonder if "it" in the second line should read "she" since the reference to "she" occurs later on in the last line.
without some transition of realization that "it" is female, that becomes awkward and... i think the "she" in the opening would give the reader a better grasp of the images you're presenting
the tub again...
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yeah. wasn't sure about the two. i'll keep it in both lines. she's dead after all
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i like she better...
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excellent. i don't know what to even say. i love your procession of events, and the way in which you end the piece. so beautiful. dusty
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thanks dusty..
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I just love this -
my grandfather passed five years ago but every so often, I swear he comes around.
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after my grandfather passed, my 12 year old sister swore she saw him several times, she loved him very much. I personally don't believe in the supernatural, but it's a nice thought nonetheless.
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