I once stood so strong and true amidst the trees of Taboo.
No stormy beating of this trunk could ever reach my roots.
Now a thousand seasons gone and my sap all but withdrawn,
this old and gnarly frame remembers my life’s fruits.
From the love within these boughs are some traces that arouse
regrets of things I did … and others I did not.
I think that giv'n half a chance I’d make a lot more time to dance,
and spend less of my precious days in fret of spots of rot.
Alas, my years are now but gone. I’ve just got time for one last song.
So, I deeply bow my trunk in croons to firewood.
My seed has blown to distant lands on hillsides of some other stands
to testify to this old tree ... and where it was I stood.
Author notes
'Crooning' is a soft singing.
A contest entry
- TEN THOUSAND POINTS OF RHYME! (now 12,000) - Part 3 Nature by cricketjeff.
1000 points, ended December 17, 2007, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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what a timeless journy of the life is shown here in this piece with a great depth..thank you so much for such a wise piece in my contest...
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Hey
First id like to say
this is a beautiful poem.
I really liked it.
I held this contest becasue my aunt just died not that long ago.
and i wanted to see what other people
thought and felt about ther loved ones who passed
and there love ones who are dying.
Such an amazing poem.
i really like your writing
Thanks so much for entering my contest
i hope to see some of your other poems in my upcoming contest~
~~~christina -
I like the tree as a metaphor for a person's life -- trees lead long, sometimes interesting lives as well, quite often longer lives than those of people. I do like the tree imagery, like sap, gnarly frame, and I was particularly amused with "days in fret of spots of rot." I enjoyed how the tree reflected on the good parts and bad parts of life, and how the poem ended on a note of thinking to the future -- thinking of the "children" seeds of the old tree. One argue that we live forever through our families, at least in memories. The rhyme scheme of this poem is fairly smooth, and clever even in a couple of places. Overall, I like it quite a bit. Thanks so much for sharing your poetry with me!
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Delightful Excellent Writing
This is beautiful REAL poetry!
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A knock-out poem, not quite the feeling of your entry in the last round but a really wonderful read, thank-you very much for the entry and please keep them coming!
Please keep entering the other rounds, love is already underway.
Thanks for your entry we both enjoyed reading it
Jeff and Sue
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wow. that was really good.
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Great flow in this it is entrancing . Great poem all around I wish you the best of luck in this contest
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A perfect metaphor for elder years: the ancient tree. I liked the way you developed the idea and used it to describe your perspective on being older and what you wish you had done in your younger years. However, I did notice that "boughs" was spelled as "bows" at one point in the poem. Specifically, in the first line of the second stanza of the poem. I also liked that the poem was in italics because it lends to the idea of the theme of the poem rather than detracts from it. I was reminded of the style of Kahlil Gibran. Good work.
John Carney -
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Thanks
I fixed "boughs". Many thanks, Sultan
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As long as there's breath "there's more time to dance."
Wonderful, inspirational - makes one "think" Good job!
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"I think that giv'n half a chance I’d make a lot more time to dance,
and spend less of my precious days in fret of spots of rot."
I really like that line. -
Very good
A heart warming story that carries a message of hope and love. The deep pool of emotion poured forth in this work almost drowns the reader in self contemplation feeling each emotion so skillfully enlisted by the author. Loneliness rips at the foundation of the author's existence and causes a migration inwards to the safety of his heart where he barricades himself from the pain of reality and meekly surrenders to his feelings. A sorrowful review of a life lost to time but kept alive in memory.
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WELL DONE
Oh how we all stand and reminensce on that long since passed fork in the road... that road not taken. But in that remembrance and longing we forget that all that ever was and will be, was already written. We are just ripples of memory in the Ocean of time. Oh, but if i could do it all again...
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Most think of metaphors as an emulation of an event or situation. Of course there is plenty of evidence that their perception is correct. Except in places and times where it lacks the ability to observe dimensions beyond its reach, where metaphors are real - a realm that most have heard of while not understanding but a mere fragment of it. I believe this poem reflected on something quite elevated above the common and limited. Thank you for creating and sharing. Take care and good luck in the contest.
U
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Commentary
You have accomplished something that not many can do-- and that's giving something like a tree, a voice and personality. The metaphor choosen was well played out in how you showed a relation between a 'living object' to everyday things that happening and/or surrounding us. Keep penning
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Liked the picture used for this write, and the lines penned to go with it. Very metaphoric. GOod rhythm, rhyme and flow as well.
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lovely! quite effective imagery, eloquent wording - I have no qualms about this piece... thank you for sharing it as an entry into my contest!
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EXCELLENT POEM!!!
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Your poetry continues to place me in awe. You have a unique style that is yours and yours alone. I will be waiting for your next work.
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Wonderful imagery here, the tired feeling really comes across in your words. I don't think you could have egaged me more if you tried! Fantastic write!
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You have some excellent – well deserved – reviews here that pretty much say it all. I’ll just add my own “Good Work!”
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I would like to share words that changed my life.
My late husband was getting dressed for work. He was so ill that morning that his voice was scratchy. I looked at him and asked, "Don't you sometimes wish that you made different choices in life? If given a chance, what will you do different?" His reply was something I never expected and has stayed with me all these years.
He turned and looked me straight in the eye. "Have I made one decision different, I might not have been who I am. I like who I am. I am happy for my mistakes, for they lead me to you."
Standing amongst the Trees of Taboo was something you treasured. [Taboo?] My translation - Somethings you are not suppose to do.forbidden - Leading up to a regretful share. But that must have somehow brought something to your life that you treasure today?
Lest your last song be one of wonder!
A tribute to the wrongs who's deposited treasure!
Lovely poem!
Thank you for your friendship, and I hope this little piece of my heart will mean something to you....
Becks
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I tell you Sultan, You are one of the most talented poets I've come across. I've read several, this is the 1st I'm commenting on (will be back to review others of yours because your're writing is incredible). This poem blows me away. You write with such depth and thought. Love the 1st verse especially. Great metaphor usage. Look forward to reading more of you.
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I really like the atmosphere created in this poem by the use of this particular metaphor. I find engaging in the transformation of person to object and vice versa is an interesting way to view ourselves. What object do we really see ourselves as? In this case the picture and the poem both imply wisdom of years hard borne, which may bring a few regrets, but ultimately when we stand back and take stock on our lives I think we should focus on the positive things we’ve done. Perhaps spreading our seed to stand strong on another hillside “to testify to this old tree” is one of those positive things and a source of joy. This poem has an air of sadness about it but I think it also beautiful with its comparison to the realities of life.
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ill read this again later. i liked it, the rhythym is good and i like the picture too. thanks for entering.
cassidy -
I am very impressed with the talent I see here.Very well written,and has a really nice flow.I get a very vivid picture when reading this.Great work!
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This was great. I loved the poem, I loved the the picture. Very nicely done. Good luck in the contest. Keep on writing. God Bless!
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i would like to thank you very much for sharing this most well written write with me here at allpoetry.com today. it is appreciated when anyone shares such talent. viyanna rosemarie
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so sad the photo yet so beautiful in it's own right. I loved the poem too! Good luck in contest.
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Very beautifully penned. I think it fits the image well yet still holds its own new image that stands out. The flow words beautifully and you really captivated alot from the picture.
Sorry you missed deadline.
But am glad to have read.
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regrets of things I did, and some things I did not.
what a telling line and a sad one as well. I do wonder if those are thoughts that will come to all of us eventually as age. Yet I would like to think that I have danced at every opportunity, and should I not be able to so at some time in the future it will allow for me to have memories[so even if body does no longer co-operate, the Spirit will forever dance and I can smile at youth's grace that blessed me at one time.
you are way too young to speak of "days that are all but gone"[for such thoughts bring about bitterness in their regrets
]
I wish you songs and music of the heart and may these days of blue paint your skies in rainbows,
zzzz
reenie
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I agree with you ...
I was trying to get a poem into a contest about a dead tree; but missed the deadline this morning. I added a pic of the tree. Thanks for your comment. Love, Sultan.
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