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Trappings of Love

The moon never looked so lonely,
the stars never shined so dull.
Los Angeles has lost its will to live.
And I, my will to love.

The City has lost its luster,
Its shine...
Its joy...
Its glee.

These walls have lost their character
And I've lost you to me.

If only I had seen the things
the things you tried to show,
If only I had seen the signs,
I could have stopped it long ago.

The moon is not as happy,
The sun cries tears of pain,
My heart has broken a thousand times
The wind whispers your name.

I'm sorry for the good,
I'm sorry for the bad.
Please forgive me Love
For letting go of what we had.

Life has lost its luster,
Its shine...
Its joy...
Its glee.

This soul has lost it's will to live
Because I've lost you to me.

Author notes

So this one time, I went to the store and bought a candy bar. It was very delicious. =) Option 4
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Heartbreak and Betrayal

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14
  • Acidanthra
    January 13, 2008

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    This was definitely an emotion-filled write. There was so much sadness for a person to take. First the sadness of loss, then the sadness of self-blame. I can see why the feelings of how non-existence would be better. But, you never know what you would be leaving behind that you didn't know about yet. That is what keeps me alive.

    You did well with the rhyming scheme and the repetition of the second stanza was in the perfect spot. Very well done!!


  • XXBrunettexBarbieXX
    November 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    hey..this was a great write..i can relate to this and enjoyed reading this...Congrads on the honorable mentions you won on it..keep writting your talented. thank you for entering my contest and good luck.

    XChrissyX


  • karma-n-peace
    November 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very catchy rhyme and rythm here!
    Good Job I like this piece very much.

  • kitkat92
    November 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    awe....

    its a very sweet love poem, i love it, thanx for entering


  • JinSays gold member
    October 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is indeed a wonderfully sad and poignant poem, heartwrenching at times, but still marvelous, down to the very last word. Repetition worked well here, and I agree with you about L.A...it HAS lost it's sparkle. I hope you win something in every contest you've entered.
    Peace,
    Jin


  • Zixaphir
    October 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nice use of comparison and nice touch of subtle repitition to add a wonderous effect to the description of emotion in this poem, giving it a sharply powerful edge.
    AKA, Beautiful poem. Good Job.


  • Young Confusions
    October 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this poem, it's sad in a sort of reminising reflective kind of way, not a I want to slit my wrists sort of way. Well done xx


  • Blue Rew silver member
    October 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent flow, wonderful rhythm and feelings are written all over this. Best to you in contests.


  • BeautifulDisaster9
    October 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing.

    But could you do me one teensy weensy favor?

    ...put your option in your author's notes box?

    All in all, fantastic rhyming, superb flow, and intense emotion.

    I loved it.

    ♥BD9♥


  • birch
    October 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    one of the better rhyming pieces for sure. i actually enjoyed it, so that is saying something. nicely done. dusty


  • X iMPERFECTiON x
    October 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very well written! great job but you NEED to give me your name so i can check to see that you have no trophies!! i dont want tohave to dq u! thanks


  • TacoSexyFail
    October 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    aw so sad. But I LOVE the poem. Especialy when the sun was crying! I loved that. Great write


  • Metaphorist
    October 24, 2007

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    A lot of "lost love" poems posted on here are very generic. This stands out; it's original and touching. I'm sorry for how you are feeling. It's a place all of us have been at least once and in time it's gets easier.


  • SilverMoonFeathers
    October 24, 2007

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    one word..AMAZINg this poem was jut so amazing i loved the entire thing its so....how i say...SEXY...im toottally gonne post this on my page sometime and i'll tell you when i've done it

1 - 14 of 14