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That's the way I feel

Love last for just a moment. . .
    One longer than life,
          But trapped between the seconds of time.
And deep within that moment lost in time. . .
    Where the waves break upon the sand
          In their attempts to escape to land.
    As to not face their fate over the horizon. . .
          The sunrise’s golden change to sunset .
There you’ll be    so far away from me
    Nothing more than a memory. . .
          Noting more than a dream. . .
But just as alive as the sensation I feel
    When the winds crash upon my face.
          Blowing against the tears to keep them in.
    Existing, but never seen, nor proven real.
That’s the way I feel.

The distance doesn’t matter.
    For the wind continues to blow.
          Forever on and on. . .
    Currents guiding its direction,
              Someday it will find home.
    Like the waves in the sea .
          Rolling up then down. . .
    Searching all seven seas,
              Hoping to find its way home.
Even if it did matter. . .
    I could still your face every moment.
          When my eyes close; there you are,
    And when they open, your staring at me.
          Every breath echoes back a breath upon my shoulder.
              I know you’re near.
                    Even when your not.
At least in this moment. . .
    Now longer than life. . .
          Still trapped between the seconds of time.

That’s the way I feel.

A contest entry

What comes to mind when you read this?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • u took my user name
    November 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i was reading my picks for the final judging.... and being the picky person that i am... i think that in the first line, it should be "lasts" not "last"

    and 11th line i think, i believe it should be "nothing" Am i wrong?

    i read it again... and i still like it :-)

    thanks for being patient with me and the judging
    Classes got in the way :-P

  • u took my user name
    November 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i really like how you started this, but you might want to consider the word choice in the end of line 3 and 4, because they end with the same word... and i don't know, sounds kinda funny

    very strong first stanza. i like the imagery there. well done. i like the love lasting just one moment longer than time idea. really nice


    in the fifth line of the second stanza, i am not sure what "it" refers to. confusing pronoun...or its just me who doesn't see the direct connection.
    " I could still your face every moment." i think you might be missing a verb... yet, one could make sence of this sentence if using the word "still" as a verb.
    "And when they open, your staring at me. i believe it's "you are" or "you're"



    This is a VERY nice poem. It actually describes exactly what i wanted :-)

    well done. a pleasure to read

    sorry if i was too critical of the grammar


    • Phoenix Renaissance
      November 18, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      no reason to be sorry for giving a comment actually worth reading. i do believe the whole point of contest is to improve isnt it? well. . . unless there is some point to the points in real life. . . so far i havent found any. thanks for the comment and suggestions. comments like this make entering a contest worth while. ohhh and im glad you liked it.

      the it you referred to is the wind. as far as the rest. . . its a fresh write. lol.

      thank you once again